Fallen

I started to leave when I saw his note. "Sara, I will be home around 3. I hope you will be there." That caused me to cry harder, tears blinding me as I ran from the house. Finding my car in the driveway, I got in and sat thinking. Run away, I can run away. No, that won't work, if I'm pregnant, I'll still be pregnant. Go home Sara and think this through. Yes, that's what I have to do. I slowly drove back to the apartment, trying to think my way through this confused at my feelings. Why Sara, why did you let him do this? When I got home, I sat in the car for more than an hour and cried.

I was glad no one was home when I finally got the courage to get out of the car and go inside. I headed to the bathroom to clean up again. I still felt dirty and climbed into the shower and stood under the spray until the hot water was gone. I didn't know what to do. My Catholic training and principles were against birth control and abortion. So were my parents, strict Catholics, thus a large family. I let them down. I let myself down. I hid in my room. When the girls came home, I told them I was sick. I was sick. I was confused at what to do to. I thought of suicide, taking my life. I couldn't face my parents. I couldn't face anyone. I lay in bed and cried. It wasn't until Sunday night I figured out what I had to do. It finally hit me on how simple it was, what I needed to do.

Monday morning I called in sick. Told everyone I had the flu. When I was alone, I showered and dressed. I got in my car and drove to Planed Parenthood. It took a lot of courage for me to get out of the car and go inside. I sat in the car for over an hour before I gathered up enough courage to do that. When inside and with the nurse, I opened up. That was very hard for me but I had to let it out. I told her I had unsafe sex, it was not planned and I was afraid I might get pregnant. I didn't tell her of my other problems of being a Catholic and all. I just told her that I was all alone in this and very afraid. She did all the rest. She gave me what they called the morning after pill which made me very sick later on after I swallowed it. I also got 3 months supply of birth control pills. I didn't know if I would take them or not but I had them anyway. Then I left, more relieved than I thought I would be. Still, my fall from grace, which is what I thought of it anyway, was still there. My parents would never forgive me. I'm not sure I could ever forgive myself. Tuesday night I had severe cramps and bled. Wednesday, the cramps and bleeding were still there and I stayed home. I told the girls the cramping was my period and that was that. They understood.

Thursday, I went to work. I felt better even though I still had light bleeding but figured it was normal for my period. I also started my birth control pills. Something I never thought I would do. I convinced myself I was no longer worthy to have high moral values. I was worthless so what did it matter. I guess I grew up that day and finally faced reality. I was no longer that pure little innocent girl that my parents raised.

Still, I was scared to face him. My eyes kept darting around the store hoping I would never see him again. I was lucky he only came through one or two days a month and after a two weeks of not seeing him, I calmed down a little.

It was harder at home after I went to bed and I had time to dream about what he did to me, what I had become. Invariably, with my mind wondering, the feelings would came back and my fingers always found their way down there making me live the sensations all over. I imagined him making love to me over and over as I worked myself into a crushing orgasm. It was like this every night. I couldn't help it. I couldn't stop.

One day when I was working he came in the store to work with the inventory crew and I caught him watching me. I tried to ignore him and during my break for lunch he followed me to the lunch room and tried to corner me and talk to me but I ducked out and hid in the rest room until my break was over. When I went back to the register, he didn't try to talk to me. I didn't see him after that and worked until it was time to go home. He never tried to talk to me in the store after that.

The problem was I couldn't get him out of my mind. When I wasn't hard at work, my mind busy, I would think of him, day dream of him. I could feel his hands and mouth on my body, feeling his heat as he hover over me and entered me. I could feel the sweat drip from him as he kept up his thrusting into me. I could feel my rapid heartbeat, the heat of my sex swell as he brought me to climax. I could feel him stiffen and his cock flex and spasm as he released into me. This was so very real, these dreams.

I was no longer that young innocent girl but a troubled woman, a fallen woman. I no longer attended church or any church activities. I hardly ever went home to my parents; I knew they would see through me and see what I had become.

The second month working at the store was just as hard and was the most troubling for me. Each night after work, after getting back to our apartment and having dinner with my room mates, I would sneak out and find myself at his house hiding in the dark and watching, watching for him. Most nights he wouldn't be there. Then I would sneak back home, slip into bed and dream of him making love to me. When he was there, he was alone and I would watch until he went to bed, wanting him. One night when he wasn't home, I found an open window and snuck in. I explored the house, his belongings and found a spare key to the back door. I kept it and let myself in from then on and waited inside the house wondering what he would do if he found me.

One night, a night I knew he would come home, I snuck in and waited for him. I didn't know exactly what I was going to do until I saw the lights of his car in the driveway and I heard him park in his garage. I quickly slipped out of my clothes, flipped the blankets back on the bed and lay down and waited for him in the dark. I waited what seemed like several hours before I heard him walking towards the bedroom turning on and off the lights as he came. Anticipation of him had already heated my body and I could feel the moisture slipping from me. My fingers may have helped as I had tweaked my nipples and had felt my swelling anticipation as my fingers had explored there. I lay there quietly my heart pounding, my breath shallow and gasping.

When he entered the bedroom and turned on the light and saw me he just stood there looking with this surprised expression on his face.

He stammered "Sara."

I didn't say anything; I just spread my legs and reached out to him begging him to come to me. His shock gave away and he came to me, removing his clothes quickly as he came to the bed. He crawled on and as he leaned over me, I saw him for really the first time, his beautiful body. As he leaned down to kiss me, I reached for him and grasp his quickly growing hardness. It was the first time I had held him or any man and I was amazed at his growing size, how his shaft flexed as it grew how it filled with blood and grew harder. I squeezed him taking delight on how he reacted. I sat up and kissed it and tasted the growing salty pearl growing at its tip as I squeezed and pulled at him. I wondered how all of it could fit inside me. It was huge.

I wasn't that innocent; I had seen penises before, I had brothers that I secretly spied on when I was just a kid. One time while playing and hiding in the barn, I watched one of them jack off. That fascinated me at the time, watching him as he played with it and soon stuff spurted out of it. I often hid there wanting to see it done again but it was only that one time. Later when I got a computer, I read about guys and looked at pictures on the internet.

What I was holding now wasn't average size. I could barely reach around it and it was long. Longer than what my brothers had and fatter. I could grasp it with both hands and the swollen head still poked up past them. I wondered if what I read and heard was true, that some men were naturally bigger.

My thoughts were interrupted. "Oh god Sara," he groaned as I slipped my lips around his swollen head and I sucked at him. "Oh god Sara, this feels so good. You've got to stop or you'll make me cum." I wanted him to but he pulled himself free and leaned in and kissed me. "There's time for that later. Right now I want to taste you."

He flipped me back and dove down on me and sucked me in driving me wild. It was like before, our first time. He sent me crashing through many orgasms before he slowed down and looked me square in the eyes and said. "You missed me didn't you?"

"Yes, you know I did."

"Then why did you avoid me?"

"I don't know..." My answer was muffled as he began kissing me deeply and I felt his hardness brushing at my swollen opening. In one swift shove, he was in eliciting a harsh gasp from me. It hurt the suddenness of being impaled so deeply, so quickly. My body had no time to adjust to him.

"I'm sorry I hurt you, I was too impatient. I needed to get inside you, to feel you around me. I just couldn't hold back. I missed you so." He held himself still as I grimaced through the sharp pain and tried to relax as my body adjusted to him. "I forgot about my size and that you need me to go slow until you are used to me."

"Just hold still and hold me." I told him as my legs wrapped loosely around him and I pulled him down to lay on top of me. "Just hold me and be still. Kiss me." We rolled around on the bed just kissing and holding each other, him keeping inside me, tasting each other as hands and mouths explored where they could. When he suckled and played with my breasts, he brought me to another orgasm.

When I felt I was ready, I gyrated my hips up into him letting him know I was ready and wanted him. My hips pumping up like a piston were urging him on to not hold back. I wanted him to pound into me, wanted to feel the force of him. Flesh slapped against flesh, screams and moans of joy escaping our throats as we pounded against each other. I was in the throes of ecstasy as his pounding drew me in to an intense orgasm. I bucked, quivered and shook as my muscles spasmed and tried to milked at him trying to get him to release into me. I was gasping for air, heart pounding, moaning and screaming as the orgasm coursed through me. Midway, he stiffened and began his own release and my quivering body sucked him deeper into me. We rested and then continued our love making throughout the night, pausing only to rest up before the next intense release. We were going at each other like animals lost in primitive animal rut.

We continued this for the rest of the summer, meeting whenever we could at his house. He tended to be there more often now and called me to make sure I would be there waiting for him. I nearly always was there waiting in his bed, longing for him and ready. He made sure each time was like the first time, leading me through multiple orgasms before he entered me, making me ready for him. He no longer hurt me when he entered and pounded into me. My body was always ready for him.

When I left for college, he made sure I got a job with one of the stores in the grocery chain, one that was part of his responsibility to purchase for. We met several times a month throughout the time I was in school. I looked forward to the meetings. They were secret and no one ever found out.

That first year in school I found out he was married. I found his wallet lying on the floor of the motel room one morning after he left. I looked through it and found a picture of him with a woman and three children. Somewhat jealous, I confronted him with it and he confessed. We talked our way through that. I realized we would never be a couple, my parents would not approve nor that matter the rest of my family. We had to be what we were, me his mistress and he my lover. That was ok with me as long as I had him. When I was out of school during the summers, we continued what we had. I went back to working in the store in my home town and we kept meeting in what I considered our house. I had moved into it and told my parents I was renting it.

After I graduated, I moved to the town where he and his family lived in order to be closer to him and got a job with the firm I now work for. I bought a small place outside of town along a quiet country road where I could run peacefully in the fresh air. It is a very private piece of property and he meets me there whenever he can get away. I live far enough from my family that they usually call before coming to visit.

Although I have been with other men and have always made sure it was protected sex with them, I have always let Ben take me freely. Our love making just wouldn't be the same, so satisfying if I could not feel him release into me and fill me. The arrangement suits my needs. It is so erotic, the contrast of his dark smooth skin and my whiteness. Someday though I know this will have to end and it saddens me...