All Comments on 'Falling Prey To An Online Hypnotist'

Wish I could be hypnotized too! I'd love seeing my love snatched from me while i cry and submit in shame. OOOOH!

this story I stumbled upon is very good, I wish you would continue this story or write another one very similar to this one.

You've got a good start here, but watch the tense changes (easy to get lost in those). Also curious - have you thought about writing a companion piece from Kathy's perspective?

loved this and need more. tia

An original concept but jumping from first person to third person narrative and all the typos and spelling mistakes are very offputting. You need to find a good editor to help you with your writing.

With all of the pressures being heaped up at school by my boss (principal), I think a good program like this would allow for a bit of decompressing and getting back to a bit of a relaxed state. Thank you for the story. I think I feel better already. I think I'll just put on one of my clubbing outfits and go for a walk.

I like the concept, but felt you spent a lot of time telling instead of showing until they actually got together. The whole story of Ted finding the videos and being programmed could have been shown in detail, making for a great immersive journey. Even then there was telling where showing would have worked nicely.

Mr. S patted her on the head – and told her how pleased he was with her.

Mr. S patted her on the head. "I'm very pleased with you, slut," he said with a satisfied smirk.

You also have numerous spelling and grammar errors that distracted from the story. Please learn the difference between your and you're, were and we're, etc. And you shifted perspective from first to third at times. It felt like you didn't know how to express things first person so you just switched until you could again. An editor would help a great deal with this.

Good concept overall, and nice touch when he snapped out of hypnosis.