All Comments on 'Fate Ch. 03'

You're doing better. Spelling & grammer are improved. However you have a few wrong word choices. For instance "demise" means death/termination of existance - I doubt that's what you wanted to say during Kadence's bath. And you used a "tell" instead of "til". Spellcheck won't pick these up because they are correctly spelled, just used wrong. Try hooking up with a proofreader/editor. That will make these things easier to catch. I'm looking forward to seeing where you go from here.

I am glad to see this story continued! I LOVE it. Keep more coming.

This is a really good story so far, keep up the good work Sasha :0)

I love it! There are some spelling and grammar mistakes and also some times when you choose words that are inappropriate and don't quite make sense. It's kind of jarring to see those kinds of mistakes when you are completely immersed in the story. And your story is good enough that I was completely immersed. I see that you have been working on that and it is improving with each chapter. Keep up the good work. As far as the plot is concerned, I was just wondering how Collin managed to be clan leader at the age of 22. Is that the age he was when he was turned and he still uses that age? If not, why would the other vampires choose such a young leader? Anyway, thanks for writing. I look forward to more from you!

Just a lovely emotional story.

Good story. I would suggest an editor for help with small mistakes and to clean it up. There were some places where there were changes of POV in the middle of the story.

Why would Katie go out running with this rogue pack on their heals? I'm a bit put off by kadance. Why has she been a bitch to Eli from go? She just started being bitchy and I didn't catch why. I also was surprised when Colin said he was 22 since he had said he was one of the oldest vampires. I expected him to be centuries old I guess. Esp if he's head of the clan. These aren't things pointed out to rip it apart. I'm enjoying the story. Only to help you if you decide to work on it at some point and to help moving forward. I look forward to the rest of the story.