All Comments on 'First Abuse'

Please keep writing

I don't know why someone would want more gibberish to struggle through.

"Stacy had a well trimmed body glistened as the water passed down her nude body."

I read that first sentence. Then I read it again. Then I read it again, more slowly, hoping that it would make sense. I eventually realized that while I "got" what you were trying to communicate, you did a horrible job of expressing it. I mean, so Stacy's body was "well-trimmed"? What the hell does "well-trimmed" mean? Is she "trim"? Meaning, is she "fit"? And if Stacy's "well-trimmed" body glistened as water passed down it, why didn't you write it that way? Because "Stacy had a well trimmed body glistened" makes no fucking sense at all. And then I read the rest of that abortion of a sentence, "...as the water passed down her nude body." Huh? Did you just feel it was necessary to crowbar in the word body, twice, while letting us know that that the body is first "well trimmed" and second "nude"? Why stop there? You could have also written, in that one sentence, that her body was also a tanned body. Or a tall body. You could have told us, "Stacy had a well trimmed body glistened body as the water passed down her nude body tall body tanned body and her head and arms and legs were attached to her body's body."

The following sentences were no better. In fact, in the minute or so it took to read this "story", I'd have to say that your premise was not just badly written, but completely lacking in imagination. I'm almost GRATEFUL that it was so short, in fact. You may have demonstrated MERCY in not subjecting readers to even more of your miserably executed writing.

You're clearly a fan of both run-on sentences, and stories you can write in the time it takes you to drink a cup of coffee. Five short paragraphs? That's not a story, or even a "short story". It's a NOTE! It's a MEMO! And yet, in five brief paragraphs, you managed to slaughter the rules of punctuation, butcher the rules of grammar, and "mnagel" simple spelling".

Why waste one's time reading garbage that even the author can't be bothered to proof-read?

I'll add your name to the list of writers whose stories I don't even bother to skim, and "my world will be a happier place". (Makes me with we could give Minus Stars. You'd be a -5.)

Get an editor.

Way too short and boring.

Yawn

Angie could put Stacy to sleep and have her taken to a dungeon for transformation into a submissive slut.

More please😭😭 It was getting good.