by Affirmation
You seem uncertain of the effect you want to create. Erotic? Or satiric? The ending is premature. Where you could build erotic tension through suspense, you let the story degenerate into adolescent fantasy.
Quite funny and original. Maybe people need to look at the category before they read the story. That is why there are categories. Which isn't to say that some sort of sequel couldn't be fun. It just isn't the point of the story.
This was among one of the few pieces that have been posted that actually made me chuckle aloud. Your humor and fresh wit is much appreciated! Keep up the laughs.
I loved it! Was expecting a piece on how to write erotica and get it read in a vanilla class and got the giggles and the hots too . A very powerful combination. Thanks for the plot twist and a good story . Now I will work on the semicolon problem;-)
yep, I laughed right out loud. what a great style, very funny, and very sweet!
but cute, and certainly at least 3 chuckles!
By they way, exactly where were you going to put the semicolon? (;;;;;)