All Comments on 'Franchise Ch. 02'

It is not well written, makes little sense, and is laughable in parts, but that's probably what you were for. Just a fantasy stroke piece, although even from that angle, the sex is about as erotic as fourteen year old's lie about losing his virginity. Don't worry about developing a story, develop your sex scenes, at least then I'd have a reason for wasting my time.

Ok, not the perfect story that everyone likes to see from time to time, but a decent fantasy storyline, interesting development and some reasonable dialog. A perfectly honest effort, with a pretty good amount of character development.

Worked for me, anyway.

I agree with the other two post. The idea of the story is good, but needs a lot of work. The story just jumps around too much. Take more time with the characters. It seems that you introduce one character and all of a sudden you are jumping to another character and forgetting about the previous ones. Maybe the author was in a rush just to get something out. This could have been a very long series if you took the time.