All Comments on 'Friday Night Surprise'

This made me push my rabbit into my sopping wet cunt, switch to full on and leave it there till the battery ran out and I had soaked the bedding with cunt juice over and over, I actually passed out after numerous powerful orgasms, when I came cround the battery had given up, so had to use a manual dildo to provide me with more bliss till I passed out again. I only woke when my girl friend arrived ready to fuck and suck the night away.

describing what others feel - never good

It's a short and sweet stroke story but I think this would read better if you settle on a point of view- first or second?(can't really mix them) and have at least some dialogue- you've got it in there but it's mostly reported. Might make the story come alive more if we could "hear" the characters' actual words from time to time.

I understand a lot of times when people publish these types of stories it is written for someone. However when they publish on Literotica they forget that there is a wider audience where the switching between first and second person is quite annoying. The two points I feel you need to understand is keep your perspective constant by using either first person or third. Second point do not forget that you are not writing for that special someone, instead you are writing for public consumption. This means adhering to some basic writing rules and keeping the audience in mind when you write.

I totally got what you were trying to say. Work on some punctuation in there; commas, quotes, and periods at the end of thought. Makes it easier to read. It's not a text message any more.;