All Comments on 'Friend Becomes Boyfriend'

But it needs editing. I do hope that you let us know how things went the following weekend!

The tags were enough to NOT read the story 1 star.

Story lacks editing and is poorly written. For example this story switches between first and second person. Second person is not a bad perspective if you are writing a how-to manual but it is a poor selection for writing erotic literature. Furthermore the switching between tense is distracting and demonstrates the author's inability to do any edition on the story. Sadly 0 stars is not an option and if it was I would give this story 0 stars.

crap

Nothing to do with writing but you need help then again maybe not if you made it this far in life without a brain who to say you can't get by, just do the world a favor and stop inter mingerling with people because you truely are an idiot.

but you're not an idiot, are you? I mean just because you can't write in English despite it being your mother tongue? Forget it, you probably can't understand this - you fucking moron.

if you didn't even read the story, asshole?

At least I had the decency to read it before giving it a 1. Mostly because of some grammatical issues and the predictability. It was okay, not really anything new or special. I was hoping for a twist, or something out of the ordinary to happen.

For me a loving wife would be to share me with more women............

Yes... very hot!!

There was no need to read more. I rated it 1*

Not a bad read, other than that, and a few other tech errors. A little tame for a wife-sharing story, but you paced it well. But I felt the sex scenes were not as hot as they could have been, perhaps limited by the second-person narrative, which I agree is difficult for erotic writing. Basically, you are telling her what she did; I'm pretty sure she already knows.

Anyway, keep writing. Nothing here that can't be improved.

It's really preferable to avoid using 2nd person for a narrative. It's OK for how-to manuals, but for a story it's best to stick to 1st or 3rd person. For this kind of story, 1st person is usually best as it sounds like a personal account.

It seems like this is more the hubby's conquest than hers. I don't mind this genre, but it seems hubby the narrator is doing all the work on both sides to get the wife and her previous classmate together.

Having been in this situation (watching my wife with a former boyfriend) I can say you really got the description of what the husband feels like. It was extremely exciting. It lasted for about 6 months and my wife and I are more in love than ever (it's been 2 yrs since) and we're looking for a new boyfriend for her to fuck

I would like to thank everyone who has said they enjoyed the story, I’m working on part two now. I would also like to thank those who have left constructive criticisms, I find it helpful for stories I plan to write in the future. And lastly, I would like to thank the trolls who provide entertainment by attacking each other when they are ignored by all but themselves.

No please not another story from you? Anything but that, oh well another 1 star story in the making, even without reading the story.

She got in contact with an old schoolfriend - her husband encouraged her - they finally got it all together. Despite having looked forward to it, she didn't really enjoy it at all, but did her best to put on a convincing performance.

Afterwards, trying to give her husband a thrill, she told him it had been absolutely wonderful. Then, when it turned out that he was upset, she tried telling him the truth - which was that her old friend had been a big disappointment in every way.

Too late! He never knew which version to believe and there was a rift in their marriage that never healed.

That's why these stories don't really appeal to me - unless they're very well written and have some trace of originality.

He thought: "I must be the luckiest man in the world." This thought will change dramatically when his wife leaves and divorce him to live and marry the boyfriend...Then he will cry...Or maybe he will be lucky and the boyfriend wouldn't want to marry a cheating woman...1*

It would be my dream to have another man own my wife's pussy. Even better if he's way bigger than me.

Next weekend he will perminately own that pussy.

Disappointing that the author said he was working on a Part Two nearly ten years ago, since I, for one, would like to read it. Since you asked for constructive criticism, if you're still considering a Part Two, I'd like to suggest that you find an editor. There's a difference between "sense" and "since", or "set" and "sit", and you used them incorrectly multiple times. I hope you come back, but please use an editor. Thanks.