Good Boy: Still Good

"No."How are you. "He said him and his girlfriend will meet us at the diner in about a half hour. He's trying to clean up his room so he can get air conditioning and new electrical wiring installed. When he finishes whatever he's doing, he's gonna pick her up."

"Awesome. I really wanna meet him," she said as she got up and looked for something more appropriate for a public place.

"Just remember. I throw the D a lot better."

"Oh. Haha. Is that so?" she chuckled as she started to change.Good Boy – Still Good. Guaranteed three chuckles a reading session.

"Yes. It is. Don't you start to like any of my friends," I teased, half serious.

"Aww. Matt..." She walked over towards me and put her arms around my shoulders. "Matt. That won't ever happen. I love you way too much." She leaned her head close to mine and pressed her forehead against mine.

"Okay."

"Hey. Smile. Okay?" I looked into her eyes and felt more loved than I ever had before. I started to form a crude smile. "C'mon," she said as a huge smile appeared on her face. "C'MONNNN." I couldn't help it anymore. I smiled back at her.

"...I love you too Riss." I put my arms around her waist and held her against me. "Riss..."

"Yeah?" She asked as her head lay on my shoulder, her arms holding me dearly.

"You may want to put some pants on before we leave." She stopped getting changed prematurely, like my ejaculations...NOT,to hug me.

"Yeah... I KNOW Matt," she said sarcastically.

"I'm just looking out for you babe."

"Hmmfff," she said as she took a pair of jean shorts out of the dresser, pulling them up her legs. "So how come you're so wary of me meeting your friends? I notice how you kinda change the subject a little whenever it came up on the phone."

"Well... I had a girlfriend freshman year of college. Well. Sort of. We we're getting there. Then, one of my friends from high school came to visit. She ended up liking him a lot more than me," I told her as I changed my clothes as well. "I just don't want that to happen to someone whom I'm more involved with. Especially someone I'm in love with."

"Well. You don't have to worry about that. I don't think I could ever find someone who makes me happier than you do," she said to me reassuringly as she adjusted her cute little baby blue shirt.

"I'm so glad to hear you say that," I said as I pocketed my wallet and keys. "Ready?"

"Yeah. Just let me pee really quick," said Larisa as we walked downstairs towards the bathroom.

"Sure. I'm gonna go too. Just make sure to spread your legs wide so I can fit my mule in their too."

"MATT!" Larisa yelled half laughing with some disgust. "What the fuck? Hahaha."

"It'll save time. ...C'mon. It'll be fun. A funky adventure!"

"Hahaha. NO!" she laughed as she shut the bathroom door, locking me out. I waited a minute for her to finish and come out. "...MULE!?" She had never heard a penis referred to as a mule. O.B.V. (obviously) Finally the door opened and Larisa walked out.

"I was just trying to conserve water. Geez," I said as she pushed by me, slapping my ass playfully in the process.

"Go. Take care of your ...mule," she said as she rolled her eyes. "You're too much."

"But you still love me!" I yelled from the bathroom.

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I drove Larisa and myself to the diner me and Gary frequented. It was our hangout. If this wereSaved by the Bell, the diner would be the Max.The diner... or Hooters if it was 2001. We had gone there after just about every concert we ever went to together. Sometimes in the summer, we'd go there four or five days in a row, ordering the same thing until the waitress just knew what to bring us without having to ask. Of course, being at school most of the year, they forgot what I always ordered.Cheeseburger deluxe well done and a coke no ice. It's not hard. Would you trust anything else at a diner?

I looked around the small parking lot for Gary's car, realizing we got there before him and his girlfriend Jenna. We walked into the diner and were led to our seats by the worker that's there from opening to closing every day of the week. "After you," I said to Larisa as I placed my hand on her lower back, allowing her to go first. We sat down at the same side of the booth, her going in first. The busboy whose been working there for at least eight years, as a busboy for eight years, gave us some menus and water.You'd think after eight fuckin years they'd promote him.

Larisa was looking over the menu for a minute before asking me, "What are you going to get?"

"Cheeseburger deluxe well done."

"Oh yeah. I forgot." She rolled her eyes and went back to the menu, looking for something to order.

"They're here," I said as I half-ass pointed to the window as they walked by. They saw us sitting there and started to walk over when they entered the diner. "And what's with the rolling of the eyes?"

"Nothing," she mumbled as she studied the menu, appearing as if she was ignoring me.

"No, tell me," I replied.

"You should try something different once in a while. Variety is the spice of life," she said.

"I got the chicken fingers once. But that was a bad experience." The night was, not the food. The night where Gary and I got ditched by Mike Fehnel, the kid with the brokenLinkin Park condom from part one of this story series.

"Sup bro," said Gary as they got to our table.

"Hey Matt," said Jenna as she sat down after Gary.

"Hey guys. This is Larisa. Larisa, Gary, Jenna. Jenna's the one with the breasts." They all just looked at me in unison as I kept a straight face, downplaying the whole thing. Gary laughed first, joined a few seconds later by the women.

"Hi. Nice to meet you both. Matt's told me so much about you."

"Oh really," said Jenna as she opened the menu.

"Good things. Don't worry. Gary, we've talked before," she added.

"Yeah. What's up?"

"You talked to her before?" his girlfriend asked. The professional busboy came back with more water, silverware, and place settings for the two new arrivals.

"Yeah. Online once." I don't think he told her he gave Larisa some ideas for sexual stuff she could do for me.I.E. read part one of the series. Pivotal... plot... points.

The waitress came by and asked us if we were all ready. She looked at Gary and nodded, knowing what he was going to get.Hamburger deluxe well done and a coke no ice. I ordered the usual, Larisa the same, and Jen a lemonade and a baked ziti. After we ordered, Larisa excused herself to go to the bathroom. "Oh, Gar. You do realize that you can't batch to her anymore, right? Her being my girlfriend now."

"HA! Come on bro," he joked. "...Dude she's so hot in person," he said, getting serious.

"Yeah. How are you," I replied.

"Poop, do you beat your meat to her?" Jen asked her boyfriend. Poop was her nickname for him. They also had this other little thing where he growled at her like a dog. Ruffff.I don't know. You'd have to ask them.

"Not anymore. Thanks. Haha," he said to answer both our questions.

"You two look so cute together," said Jen as she peered around the establishment, as if she was looking for someone else.

"Thanks," I replied. "It's because we still have passion. I'm sure one day you two will get it back."

"Hey!" yelled Jen as she tried to kick me under the table. "There's STILL passion."

"Yeah, but it's going this way," I said as I moved my hand back and forth between the two of us.

Larisa came back to the table and I stood up to let her get back to her seat. "So. How do you and Gary know each other?" she asked, wanting to learn more about one of my better friends.

"Well. We met in high school the first day. But, apparently, we played baseball on the same team at the Boys Club when we were little. Our parents were friends from back in the day, and from baseball, so when we both decided on going to the same school, they introduced us again. 'You remember Gary right?' No. 'You remember Matt, right?' No."I swear to God I had no idea who he was. I couldn't have picked this kid out in a line up... in a good way though. But when you're the only kid from your grammar school in a new high school, you're gonna run to the first kid you sorta know. You have to look like you know someone. You don't wanna look like a loser.

"So at lunch, I see him standing there alone and I walked over to him."And it's safer in numbers. "We became friends right there," I concluded, "for the second time."

"So do you have a lot in common?" asked Larisa. She sort of knew the answer already, but just wanted to make conversation.

"Yeah. Pretty much," I said.

"Dude, it's so freaky how alike we are. We like the same clothes, music, bands, video games," added Gary to Larisa. He called everyone dude, even his mother.And boy did my mom get pissed when I started calling her dude.

"And porn," said Larisa. We all looked at each other silently, like 'what the hell just happened here.'So they just heard Larisa Oleynik talking about porn at a diner. They'll be sure to remember this day for the rest of their lives.

"These two. They're like friggen Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum," said Jen.

"Yep. Dude,Teen Wolf orTeen Wolf Too?" I asked him.

"Dude. Too. Come on." There really was no question about it.

"I don't know how you two idiots like that movie," said Jen. "Poop made me watch it at his house the other night. I fell asleep it was so boring."

"How can you not likeTeen Wolf Too??" I asked. "It's got the song! ...When they got the studying and having sex montage."

"Ooooohh!" said Larisa, getting excited. "I love that song!"

"Isn't it the best part of the movie?" asked Gary. We both said yes in unison.

"How do you not like that movie?" my girl asked Jenna. "Next you're going to sayRocky IV wasn't the best one."And I didn't even tell her to say that! I LOVED this woman.

"You know what. You two really are perfect for each other." We all had a good laugh as we sat there, continuing to make small talk.And by far, Rocky IV was the best one.

The food came and we ate, talking and having my friends get to know my girlfriend. They liked her as far as I could tell. They all got along well, which was good. There's nothing worse than when your friends dislike your significant other. It brings so much tension on the friendship. Then when you get married, it's weird between you and your friend. No one wants that.

We all finished eating and just hung out at the table, continuing the conversation. Larisa leaned into me and I put my arm around her shoulder. She rested against me, full from the burger. I leaned my head against hers as I rubbed her upper left arm. "Dude. I didn't tell you. I'm going to see Avril. Larisa got me and her front row seats AND backstage passes."

"That's awesome. She's so hot," he replied as he picked at his fries.

"Yeah man," I concurred.

"Ughhh," said Jenna. Obviously she didn't agree. "She's ugly. I don't know what you two see in her."

"She's hot and she's a punk slut," he told her.Yeah. So by the way, we're all really comfortable with each other by this point. So this dialogue isn't at all shocking or offensive to any of us.

"Hell yeah dude," I said. "And I don't know why you're saying she's ugly. You copied her hairstyle."

"How?"

"You're highlights. Same as hers," I said as I pointed at her hair.So if I forgot to mention what Jenna looks like, she's about... yay high and has hair like Avril Lavigne.

"Does she really have the same hair as me?" she asked Gary, looking for someone that wouldn't lie to her about it. He said the same thing as me.

"I've been getting these for years," she argued in defense of her highlights.

"Yeah, well. She had them first. By the way, Gary said next time you two... you know... (insert an interlocking fingers hand gesture to signify sex), he wants you to wear a neck tie... and spiked wrist bracelets." Gary just looked at me, silently laughing. I always like to bust his balls and embarrass him with something. It was all good clean fun and they enjoyed it. And I got to practice my improv. I usually made Jen cry from laughing at least once every time we all hung out. Sometimes I'd get him to tear up like a little bitch too.

"Poop! Did you!?" she asked Gary, laughing mostly at the hand gesture. Larisa was laughing at the drama I had just caused. I could tell she was having a good time. Gary just shrugged his shoulders, looked at me, and laughed.It was like the time I told her the next time she and Gary spooned, and he had his arm around her, he was going to roll over and say "My turn." "Ugghhn," she said as she pinched his nipple really hard.

"I didn't!" he managed to get out.

"Yeah right. And he wanted you to pull your hair over your face too. And call him your skater boy." She looked at him in disbelief and attacked his nips again. This time he was more prepared and pushed Jen's hands away as she tried to engage him in nipple combat.

"Hahaha," laughed Larisa. "You guys are all crazy." We all talked for a few more minutes before paying the check and leaving the diner. I didn't want to overdo it with the dirty nasty humor. The last thing I needed was to shock Larisa and have her change her feelings about me... thinking I'm disgusting and weird.I didn't want to immediately break out the pedophilia jokes. You know what I'm saying. You have to ease into something like that.

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We all walked outside to our cars and said our final goodbyes. "It was so nice meeting you both," said Larisa to my two friends. "We should definitely do this again."

"Yeah," said Jen. "We all need to hang out more." She was always trying to get me and Gary to hang out more, normally telling one of us to call the other one and initiate something.

"Dude what are you two doing later?" he asked me.

"Nothing as far as I know," I said, looking at Larisa. She gave no hint of any prearranged plans.

"Maybe later we can do something. I gotta finish doing some shit in my room first." As I said before, he had the fun task of cleaning out his attic room so it can get rewired for an air conditioner.The kid's room was a sweatbox. You'd expect to see a few little Spanish kids sewing soccer balls in there it was so damn hot. I knew exactly what his pain was. I had only gotten an air conditioner up in my room a few years before. Sometimes you thought, 'This is why I don't have a gun. Because I'd just put one in my head to get away from this f 'in heat.' And the other fun part about his cleaning task was that his room, like mine, had closets filled with all sorts of shit that didn't belong to him.Our parents treat our attic rooms as a regular attic, storing miscellaneous shit in our closets like no one lived up there. What did I tell you? We're fucking twins... except I have a longer shlong. Speculating of course. Much to Jenna's dismay, me and him didn't sit around comparing dick sizes. She claimed it would be normal to do so.

"Yeah sure. I'll give you a call later and we'll see what's what," I told him.

"Cool. Okay bro, we're gonna get going. Nice meeting you Larisa."

"You too. You too Jenna."

"Bye Matt, bye Larisa," she said. She fiddled with her clothes as Gary got in the car.

"Get in the damn car!" he yelled at her, half joking.

"Oh keep ya pants on ya bastahd," she yelled back... her New York accent slipping back in. The thing came and went like athletes foot. I can't explain it. She wasn't even from New York, but from a city in New Jersey right across the river.I guess the accent travels over water too.

"You wanna clean my room?"

"No."

"Then get in the damn car!"So much love there.I guess I was wrong about the passion being gone. He was pissed off because he had to go back to cleaning.

"Dude. Try not to have another heart attack," I joked.He thinks he might have already had one... at twenty-one years old.

"OH! Matt," Jenna yelled. "I forgot to ask. How did you two meet?" Gary hadn't told her how, I gathered. I looked at Gary and gave him a look.

"Well..." Gary knew by my expression that this was going to be good, so he got out of the car. "It was the craziest night of my life. I got stood up on a date, bought a hooker, and met Larisa all in the same night."

"What?!!" she exclaimed in complete shock as she looked at me and my girl. "You got a hooker???"Here goes...

"Yeah, but I got no damn kiss on the mouth though. That just kills it."

"Are you serious??" she said. She half believed me. After all, not all my crazy stories were fabricated. Gary shook his head and just laughed. Larisa stood there and tried to contain herself. Jen looked over at her boyfriend in utter disbelief, hey eyes wide open. He just shrugged his shoulders and nodded.

"Why did u get a hooker??? And why does that kill it?" she asked.

"Well, because you wanna at least pretend like she's your regular girlfriend."

"Haha. I don't believe you."

"Fine. Believe what you want," I said sarcastically as I turned to walk away.

"No! Wait! Fine. I believe you." She desperately wanted to hear more. She needed to hear more to decide if I was fibbing. "She didn't kiss you?"

"No. But... she did toss me off in the back door region. So it's sorta like she was my girlfriend." I couldn't believe she was buying this at all. "So that was fun."

"Matt. Stop. You're kidding right?" She had no idea. I kept my straight face on and Gary looked like he couldn't care less, as if he heard the story before. She looked around at everyone. "Was she old and ugly?"

"No, not too ugly. And at least she was young, about twenty-two I'd say. But you really don't care about her face when you're both doing lines of coke off a toilet seat."It's a gift. It's like... like I just can't control it. "She was about my age... so she said. She coulda been fifteen. I don't really care."

"COKE!? You did coke???"

"What are you? A cop? ...With all these questions."

"...What did she look like?" Jenna asked, now believing me a little more, not about the coke, but the hooker.

"Well, she was about five foot seven... my height. Probably like ninety to a hundred pounds. Skinny. Probably does crack or something a lot."

"Crack head huh?"

"That'd be my bet. But you know. That comes with the profession. She had blonde hair... and no hair down there." I looked down at my shoes as I kicked a few loose pebbles in the lot. I was totally relaxed. "OH. And a few tattoos which I dug in a big, big way."

"Well that's good. At least she turned you on. So you had sex with her?"

"Yeah. It was an extra twenty dollars to go no condom, but I was like you know what... I got the money. That's not the issue. But I'd... I'd just rather not with my luck."

"Oh my GOD!! Larisa and you're okay with this?!"

"Well... we're both swingers. I'm used to him being with other people. And I mean he used a condom too," answered Larisa. "...But he met me after this. So I can't be pissed at him."I LOVE THIS WOMAN!She definitely got huge bonus points for playing along that well. She even contributed. Gary almost pissed his pants he was silently laughing so hard. He was standing behind his girlfriend, who was totally buying this, trying not to make any noise to kill the flow and make her realize this was all a bit. She was incredibly shocked. I thought her head might explode if we didn't stop.

"Poop. Did you know Matt's a swinger?!"

"Yeah," Gary responded.

"And you never told me!?" She was pissed now, flailing her arms as she fired away question after question.