All Comments on 'Gypsy Designs Ch. 04'

What can I say, I'm a sucker for sexual tension and a good story line! :)

Awesome story, I'm really enjoying it.

it would benefit from an editor. You have a lot of grammar and tense mistakes. You also use lots of run on sentences and have a tendency to miss words out of sentences. It makes it difficult to read. Also, it was difficult to tell when the scene was changing. In one sentence, it was night time and the next it was morning. The only indication of time change was the mention on coffee. Some indication when a scene is over, even if it's just a dotted line across the page, stars or a couple of extra lines between scenes would make your story even better.

I had to read some paragraphs twice to understand what you were trying to say. If the storyline and characters weren't so great, I would have given up several chapters ago. So my constructive criticism is to get an editor and to be more obvious with the scene changes. Thanks for writing!

I am in the process of having an editor look at each chapter and then I will be reposting each chapter.

I have debated on removing the story completely until that has been finished but am not sure yet.

Thank you for the feed back though, all is apreciated :)

I love the way this story is unfolding! Additionally, it's good to know that you care enough about your readers (& your work) to get a proofreader. Bravo!

Gah! I know it's been nearly 15 years, but the pedant in me can't let it go. Boris Karloff NEVER in his long career played a vampire. <sigh> I can't believe no one else pointed that out.