Her Problem Ch. 07

"I'm tired now and I'm going to sleep. I hope you'll find it in your heart to forgive me tonight and lie here with me. If it is my last night, I want it to be wrapped up in the arms of the one person I've loved whole heartedly and unconditionally for the last thirty seven years.

"Please lie down here with me Joe and hold me at least until I fall to sleep. If you can't stand to be near me after that, I won't be mad if you leave the bed and sleep somewhere else."

I was an emotional wreck after Mare's little talk. On the one hand; I was shocked, angry, and hurt by whet she'd told me. On the other; I was overcome with love, compassion, and sorrow because she was dying and I could stop it from happening. For maybe the first time in my life when I had a choice between anger or another emotion dictating my course of action, I didn't chose anger. I lay down with the woman I'd loved for the last thirty seven years and wrapped her up in my arms where we both eventually fell asleep.

I awoke sometime in the middle of the night and knew she was gone as soon as I was fully awake. I untangled myself from her lifeless body and called 911, beginning the ritual of death every one of us will go through eventually. We had made her arrangements months ago so phone calls were the only things I needed to do.

Mare was cremated and the memorial service was held two days later at her church. Roberto, his wife and their children sat on the front pew with me. All of my other children and their families were in the pews immediately behind me, including the women who had born them. They were as much a part of Mare's family as me and Roberto were. She had accepted them long ago and I think they knew she loved them in her own way. We scattered her ashes in the scrub land outside of the compound we'd lived in since her father's death.

I cried in front of my children for the first time that day and none of them acted like they were embarrassed at seeing my tears. I wish I could say that it was the last time I cried for or because of Marizona, but I can't because it wasn't. I cried alone in the bed we'd shared for so many years at least every other day for the next month.

Sometimes they were tears of pain from her death and the other times they were tears of pain for what she'd told me the last night she was alive. With the help of therapy and the love of my children, the pains of losing her and of what she'd told me faded away until I could continue with my life. Mary, who had been divorced for a couple of years by that time from her second husband, came to see me and confessed that the reason her marriages hadn't worked was because she was still in love with me and wanted to see if I might be able to love her as well.

We began dating and I did develop feelings for her, which may have included a tiny bit of love, but they never were as strong as the ones I'd felt for Mare. She did move in with me and we're taking it one day at a time.

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Epilogue:

Twenty years have passed since Marizona's death. I will join her in the near future from congestive heart failure. All of my children will share in my inheritance equally and will be able to live comfortably for the rest of their lives unless they blow it on lavish life styles or drugs. Mary is writing this as I dictate it to her because I don't have the strength to do it myself. We never married but I did love her enough that we both were happy together. I wanted to include her in my inheritance, but she refused.

She is an accomplished author who did make the best seller top ten, twice, and she gives all the credit to Mare and me. I as an inspiration to start writing in the first place and Mare for giving her the courage to present it to someone even though, like me, she didn't think her writing was good enough.

I forgave Mare for everything that she'd done that had hurt me many years ago and know we'll be together again when I die. My ashes will be scattered over the same patch of scrub land as Mare's was twenty years ago by Roberto and any of my other children who want to join him.

I tried to run away from true love once and learned that life is hard without that love in it. My only regret is the three years we were apart. I often wondered if she'd been there with me, encouraging me, pushing me; if I might have made the big leagues and stuck and how that would have changed both our lives.

I'm tired now and think I'll go to sleep. Goodbye for now, dear reader.

P.S. Hello I'm Mary. Joe, the love of my life, passed away in his sleep last night. I know he didn't love me as much as he did Marizona even after what she did to him, but what he gave me was enough for me. I had to wait twenty one years, go through two marriages, hurting two wonderful men whose only problem was they weren't Joe, and live under the presence of a dead woman to be with the man I fell in love with before he even knew I existed; but it was worth it.

I've got to go now and make all those calls necessary for Joe's last wishes to come true. Someday I'll join him in heaven, but until then life goes on as Joe would say.

The End.