Home Health Care

"Sure, I'll let you know." Daniel just nodded.

"We can do it at the hospital, on your lunch hour. You'll be back to normal in no time."

'Nope,' Daniel thought. "I won't be back to whatever normal is, and rehab from you won't help.'

"'Kay, bye." And Zach walked out of the kitchen casually.

Daniel continued to sit at the counter, sip his coffee and listen as Zach closed the front door and drove away.

***

"I'm going to break his legs and see how he likes it." Joel was up, pacing and ranting. He had returned from his business trip that day and he and Julie had invited Daniel over for dinner and baby time. Julie had obviously told him about Zach and when Daniel said that he had left abruptly that morning, Joel uncharacteristically lost his temper.

"Joel, he was just helping me out, getting me used to being impaired, or whatever. It was just a job for him."

"That is bullshit Daniel, and if you don't believe it is, I'm sure this Zach knows it. He walked out on you. Don't try to defend the damned coward." Joel was attempting to keep his voice down so as not to wake Sam. Julie was trying to get him down and the little guy was proving to be a little touchy.

"Are you talking about Zach here?" Daniel eyed his friend.

"Listen, I'll admit that I'm still pissed at Brady; what he did sucked. But Julie told me this guy was really into you, and he wasn't sleeping on the couch either."

"Great!" Daniel rolled his eyes to the ceiling in exasperation. "Okay, I hoped that things would go further, that he might decide to stay. But he didn't. And I can handle that. Besides, we never did anything but sleep in that bed." Daniel glared back at his friend's unbelieving stare. "And at least this time he took all of his shit with him."

Joel threw his hands in the air in defeat and plopped next to Daniel in the couch as Julie tiptoed into the room. She sat in a nearby chair and gave Daniel a look of sympathy.

"So, do we get to castrate him?"

"God, you two are a tough crowd," Daniel said and reached for his beer. "I hope Sam can get along okay with such bloodthirsty parents."

Joel barked out a laugh. "Julie's been thinking of training Sam to puke on people we don't like. If you want, we could invite this Zach-guy over and try out his skills?"

"Wow, I wish we'd had that weapon when Ethan was around," Daniel said acerbically of his first boyfriend. The four of them: Ethan, Daniel, Julie and Joel had been good friends together since their early college days. When Ethan admitted that he didn't think he could ever be monogamous, it had been a painful and ugly break-up.

"Oooh," Julie crowed. "He would have hated getting baby puke all over his Abercrombie's."

"Yeah, and he would have been jealous of Sam for getting everyone's attention for being cuter than he was." Joel added this little jibe.

"Do you two dish like this about all my boyfriends? Remind me never to let you meet anyone again, okay?" Daniel said this with a smile on his face, knowing his two best friends were only showing their support.

Joel answered, "We liked Brady, the few times we met him. Maybe we should just let Sam puke on all the guys you bring around."

"Do that and I'll change his name to 'date-repellant.' Of course, I do pretty well with that all on my own." Daniel was surprised at how much fun he was having.

All day long, after Zach left, he had moped around the house and did all the little Sunday-chores that needed doing before going back to work. Laundry was folded and put away. The recycling was sorted and ready for pick-up. All the bills that needed paying were scheduled for online payment. He'd even called his Mom and told her about is accident, though he had played down his injuries. With her histrionics, he had to be careful or she would be at his house in a heartbeat to take care of him. All the activity helped, but didn't alleviate the feeling of emptiness in the house and in his chest.

"Aw, dude," Joel said and put a warm paw on his shoulder. "You'll meet someone, I promise. You just need to find the right guy, one that loves you and only you."

Leave it to Joel, Daniel thought, to put his current crisis into a neat little nutshell of truth. Back in college, they used to laugh about how Joel was maybe not the sharpest knife in the drawer. But Joel understood the world around him and often didn't see the need for clutter and excuses. His ability to cut through confusion and find an efficient solution was serving him well his management career. It was also proving to be helpful to Daniel right now. Daniel stared at his friend like he had just said something inspired.

"You know, Joel. I don't think I'm ready to give up just yet. I think Zach found the right man, and isn't quite ready to face it." Daniel smiled a little mischievously at his two friends. "I think maybe Zach needs a little wake-up call."

"What are you planning?" Julie asked.

"I'm not sure, and I'm not sure I have the guts to try, but it can't hurt to be rejected again, can it?"

**

Work was grueling for Daniel, and for the first few days, he seriously considered asking for more time off. While still at home, he'd thought he was well adapted to the realities of having limited mobility. The crutches were a pain, but he'd figured out ways to compensate and do most of his work around the house. But back in the IT Department, he not only had the physical demands of his job, but also the social demands. It took him forever to move through the busy hallways of the hospital to all the offices that needed his help. And forget about crawling around on the floor to look into the back of CPU's and servers to see if all the plugs were working. That had become impossible. Add to that the interminable questions about his injuries and recovery and by end of the second day, he just wanted to crawl back into a hole and hibernate.

Each morning, Joel would drop him off at work on his way into the office. After a non-stop day for both of them, Joel had picked him up and driven him home. The house was quieter than Daniel had ever remembered it being. Not in all the time he had been alone while he was dating Brady had his time at home felt like this: empty, and waiting. It was like the rooms echoed the feeling of someone who had left. Daniel would heat up something for dinner, do some of the stretched that Zach had taught and then go to bed. He was tired to the bone from work and from not seeing Zach. Something had to change, he just hadn't worked up the courage yet, and wondered idly if he ever would.

His boss Marion hadn't intentionally hung him out to dry. She had picked up the slack in the IT department during his absence and had been grateful that he returned after only a week off. On her desk, the piles of work that needed doing had begun to teeter dangerously during Daniel's absence. As soon as Daniel returned to work, Marion just assumed he would tell her if he needed to slow down, and she got busy trying to get done all that she'd ignored for the past week. It wasn't until 5pm Thursday that she noticed the gray pallor of Daniel's skin and his lack of good cheer. After a few prying questions, she got the truth out of him.

"That's it, tomorrow you get to be the office person, and I'll go out on calls," Marion ordered. "I know you don't want to admit that there's something you can't do, but you'll get over it."

"What do you mean?" Daniel asked.

"I mean you're stubborn, and sometimes you forget to ask for help. I'm sorry I didn't notice you were having a hard time, but we'll work it out. Now, go home and get some rest. I'll see you in the morning." Marion turned back to her piles and dismissed Daniel from her thoughts.

As Daniel opened and checked his email one last time, he laughed to himself. It could not be possible, he thought. The man was a curse to the entire computerized world. It was Daniel's last email message finally broke his emotional inertia and got Daniel moving. He reached for the phone as he shut down his computer for the night. After a few words and a lot of laughter he hung up the receiver and grabbed his crutches to go home.

"Good night, Marion." Daniel waved over his shoulder and smiled as he pushed open the door of the IT Department. Instead of pushing the down button on the elevator panel, he smiled and punched up.

**

Zach was up on Peds, doing a check of his three post-op kids. Two of them were doing really well and would be released to their homes soon. With regular rehab appointments, they would probably be fine, they would run and play with their classmates. Within a few months, the pain of surgery would seem like a distant memory. The last patient might never walk without assistance, but with Zach's help, the young man wouldn't be wheelchair bound his whole life. Sometimes life was about small victories.

Since leaving Daniel's place on Sunday morning, Zach had tried to think of the time with Daniel as some sort of victory, some sort of accomplishment. It was true that he had been able to help Daniel recover and would continue as his Therapist. Zach had been impressed with the younger man's determination and tenacity: when Daniel set out to do something, Zach doubted the man let anything stand in his way. Zach wanted to think that they had this trait in common, but he knew he would be lying to himself. As soon as Zach realized the depth of his feelings for Daniel, when he woke up curled around his body and knew he wanted to wake up that way for the rest of his life, he fled the scene as fast as humanly possible. If life were a cartoon, there would have been skid marks to show how fast he escaped.

It had been four days and all Zach wanted to do was walk down to IT, kneel in front of Daniel and lay his head on his lap. Would Daniel even talk to him after his cowardly exit? Or was Zach just another man to disappoint him and leave. A band of tight pain gripped Zach's chest at the thought that Daniel wouldn't want to see him, wouldn't even care about him. And what would Zach do if Daniel accepted him back into this life? Could Zach offer Daniel the kind of love and commitment he deserved? He could try, but Daniel had a right to expect more than his feeble efforts. In the middle of the night when he couldn't sleep, Zach had concluded that it would be best if he left Daniel alone to find someone worthy of him.

These thoughts were circling like buzzards in his brain as he tried to type out a few case notes on a borrowed computer. A shadow moved and the light changed around him. When he looked up he saw Daniel's determined brown eyes staring down at him and nearly moaned at the sight.

"Is there anywhere we can talk?" Daniel spoke softly but firmly.

His throat was tight and he was glad he didn't need to reply, only nod and lead the way. At the end of the hall was a small swing-room that could be used for therapy when a patient needed extra privacy. It was small and only partially lit, but they could be alone and talk. Zach opened the door for Daniel and motioned him in. When he followed and closed the door behind him, he was a little surprised at how near to him Daniel stood. Zach's heart beat faster and any coherent thoughts had fled his mind.

Facing him, Daniel took one step closer to Zach and handed him the crutch for his right, injured leg. "Here, hold this." He placed the crutch into Zach's hands and moved his hand to rest over Zach's heart. Zach looked at Daniel with complete confusion; he had no idea what was going to happen next. Daniel slid his hand up from Zach's chest to his neck and up to his hair. With a few deft movements, he loosed Zach's long blond hair and threaded his fingers through it. With a barely discernable tug, he pulled Zach's face to his and placed his lips over Zach's.

The kiss began slowly, each man testing the other, wondering how far they could go before the other would pull back and stop the contact. But neither did. Daniel moved his closed lips over Zach's mouth, testing angles and rubbing lightly to feel the texture of the delicate skin. When he heard a small moan from Zach, a thrill erupted in his veins and challenged him to continue. Opening his mouth slightly, he allowed his breath to float from his mouth to Zach's, allowed Zach to realize that his breathing was getting faster and the Zach was the cause.

Zach moved his right arm between Daniel and his left crutch and pulled Daniel close to him, letting their bodies make contact at chest, belly and thigh. The warmth and closeness of the touching made Zach feel a little light headed. He had this man in his arms and he doubted now that he would ever have the strength to let him go. Instead of feeling like he had just made a shattering mistake, Zach felt triumphant. Zach angled his head to deepen the kiss and let the tip of his tongue trace the plump curve of Daniel's bottom lip.

Daniel allowed his tongue to meet Zach's and they began a languid duel where they both won. Their tongues twined and their breathing became even more rapid as they kissed each other with more confidence, becoming sure that no separation would come.

When Daniel finally broke the kiss, to come up for air, he noticed that Zach was holding him up and that one of his crutches lay on the floor where he must have dropped it and the other was propped against the door. Their bodies were seamlessly joined from chest to knee, arms wrapped tightly around each other.

"You need me, you know." Daniel said archly. He stroked the back of Zach's neck and thought he could hear the man purr.

Zach bent the couple of inches to Daniel's mouth and placed a quick kiss there. "Yeah, I know. And now you know, too. What are you going to do about it?" Zach wiggled his eyebrows at Daniel suggestively. His hand moved lower to cup Daniel's ass and pulled him just a little bit closer.

"I thought maybe I would fix your laptop, you techno-idiot." He laughed softly and nipped Zach's lips. "Who gets a 'fatal error' message on their brand new computer? And you can take me home. Joel's working late and I don't have a ride." Daniel tried to look into Zach's eyes and not cave into temptation and just start sucking on his tongue again.

"You need a ride?" Zach chuckled low in his throat.

Daniel blushed and closed his eyes in mock frustration. "You know what I mean."

"Mmmm hmmmm." Zach was busy nipping Daniel's neck and wondered how it was possible for the man to smell so good, so edible. Raising his head, he met Daniel's eyes and felt he might drown. To break the spell a little he cleared his throat and spoke. "I think I would like to take you to dinner first."

"Like a date?" Daniel nearly swooned at the suggestion.

"A date. Candles, wine, hand-holding under the table. What do you think?" Zach stared into Daniel's face, trying to refamiliarize himself with the man he had been separated from for only four days. Four days that felt more like four years.

Did Zach know how much it meant to Daniel to be out in the world with him, to not have to hide and pretend that he wasn't what he was and who he loved? It was Daniel's turn to nod. "I would really like that. I haven't had a decent meal since you left, or a good night's sleep."

A pang of guilt shot through Zach and he started to apologize, but Daniel shushed him. "Hey, I let you go, remember? By the looks of you, the last few days have been pretty rough on you, too."

"You have no idea, baby. Every night I drive past your place and try to stop, I was sure you'd be too pissed off at me to accept an apology. I am the biggest coward on the planet. Thank you for being brave enough to knock some sense into me."

"Buy me dinner, and apologize some more and I might forgive you." Daniel pulled Zach's mouth down for another long, slow dance of tongues before they separated themselves and left the exam room.

Once they were in a quiet restaurant with glasses of red wine in front of them and Daniel's crutches safely stowed under the table, they finally felt comfortable enough to relax and drop their guard a little bit. Like a silent sigh of relief, they each knew the hardest part was over and they wouldn't be rejected by the other. They were safe.

Daniel took a big sip of his wine and let the flavor roll around his mouth, smooth and woody, before he swallowed. "Can you tell me why you left on Sunday? I'm done being pissed at you, but I'd still like to know."

"You're a better man than I am if you're not still mad. It was a pretty lame move on my part." Zach took Daniel's right hand and rubbed his thumb over the back of it. "When I was with you at the house, it felt like we were in some sort of fairy-tale."

Daniel snorted at the reference.

Zach's face cracked into a smile and he appreciated the lightened mood. "I loved being with you, you goofball. Even just the regular stuff like doing laundry and cooking dinner. Everything seemed special and I didn't want it to end."

"Like the morning bath." Daniel winked.

"Oh God," Zach groaned. "Okay, that was torture. I'll admit that I had to close my eyes most of the time, just to get through that without completely attacking you. And every day, I kept trying to keep my distance, not brush up against you, not touch in a way you didn't want."

"Why wouldn't I want you to touch me? What gave you that idea?" Daniel asked.

"When you were in recovery, in the hospital, you called out for Brady, asked him not to leave you. And when the two of you split up, I knew it was hard on you. I didn't know if you wanted to get into a serious relationship again so soon. After spending time with you, I was sure that I couldn't be with you like that and not have it be serious for me." Zach paused and took a sip of wine. "Anyway, after waking up with you curled next to me on Sunday morning, I couldn't take it anymore. I felt a little like I was drowning, and I needed some air. What if what I felt wasn't real, and a little time apart made my feelings fade? I thought that it might help me figure out what I needed, what I could give. Does that make any sense?"

Daniel quirked an eyebrow at Zach. "Have you been in love before, Zach?"

"Never," Zach said with a husky voice. "I never have and I didn't really think I ever would. For a long time I lived a life that I think would give your mother nightmares." Zach smiled at Daniel's surprised bark of laughter. "A few years ago, I tried to settle down like a lot of my friends started doing, but it didn't really work out."

"What happened?" Daniel asked. During their time together, the two had talked a lot, but had always seemed to stay safely away from Zach's past.

"He broke up with me after about nine months." Zach shook his head at the memory. "He left after a really ugly fight, saying that I was too damned selfish to be able to stay with anyone but myself. I figured he was probably right, and I would end up a lonely old queen with lots of memories but no one to share them with."

"Selfish isn't the word I would use to describe you, you know." Daniel lifted his hand away from Zach to count on his fingers. "Let's see, you spent time in the hospital making sure I was all right. You talked to the administrator to convince him of the help I need. Yeah, don't give me the innocent look; Marion told me about that. You spent an entire week at my house exercising and rehabbing me. And on top of all that, you helped me take my ex-boyfriend's crap to the Salvation Army."

Zach smiled. "Don't forget helping you with the bath and sleeping in your bed. That was really selfless." And at this, he just cracked and started laughing. When he was done, he looked Daniel right in the eyes, "You have no idea how difficult that was. You've been so close to me physically, and yet I feel, or felt that I just didn't have the right to push myself on you. If this is going to be all that I want it to be, all that I know it can be between us, I need you to want it as much as I do. Does that make sense?"