by ChainedMelody
Well the material isn't too my taste... I'm about as far from sub as someone can get without actually being dom. However, it was quite well written and I liked the pacing. The only suggestion I have is to perhaps have one or two other people read through your stories before you post. Nothing glaring.. just a few minor tweaks. All in all.. a most admirable first story:)
This is an excellent and compact story. The author caught my attention with the line, "He moves a finger, indicating I should turn around. Slowly." and her "voice" throughout was both genuine, and genuinely exciting. The author did an excellent and authentic job on a short, simple but compelling story. The ending ties into the title very nicely... enjoy....