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All Comments on 'I am'

by mythoughts2papr

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  • 4 Comments
ILienBagbyILienBagbyover 10 years ago
This is most

promising: Spare, concise, interesting. Please continue.

darklacedarklaceover 10 years ago
Needs editing.

You ought to have editted this story before posting. The perspective shifts between third- and second-person and back again.

Linda62953Linda62953over 10 years ago
Good Start

Good start on this story - now, add another chapter or two. Don't leave us hanging.

visioneervisioneerover 10 years ago

I agree the POV shift at the end is jarring, and you need to sprinkle in a few more commas. But this is a juicy start to a nice story. Please continue.

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