All Comments on 'Innocent Pawn Ch. 05'

You call that longer? Don't keep us waiting for the next chapter!

Extraordinary! You write very fluidly, with enough detail to flesh out the plot but not enough to weigh it down. I can't wait to see how the story progresses.

I loves your writing. Short chapters are not bad if we can get them more often.

I love your story. I have butterfly in my stomach when reading them. Please keep them coming and please don't let us wait too long...:)

Thank you for reading and working in some suggestions but my guess is you knew what to do anyways! I love the way this chapter worked out and I am so happy you let this be more about the two main characters and not some sharing of the captive girl story! It was great fun to read Marie being tossed out and wonderful to see that Leon and Bella continue to fall for one another. I hope our stronger heroine tells Leon she wishes to be in his bedroom and no longer locked away!

I also eagerily look forward to what happens when her father enters the picture! Will Leon have to save Bella from her angry father? Will Bella have to save Leon? Will hre father attempt to kidnap her back and then Leon must save her from a lecherous father? This story rocks!

Yes yes, some people complain that its to short but honestly, each chapter is writen with such care that they are perfect the way they are. Please do continue with the story though, I ever so much enjoy your style.

really enjoy this story i cant wait until the next chapter

I am amazed at this depth of a story here

its wonderful

you should make it into a book

I enjoyed it in more ways than one!!

Absorbing and one truly cares for what befalls our star-crossed protagonists.

I fear the story will end soon and I am so enjoying it.

Please consider putting the whole thing together into one document when the story is complete. The chapters are rather short.

The sex is intense, and the storyline is developing nicely.

My only gripe is the length. But you write beautifully. Please continue writing, you will only get better and better.

Beautifully written, a true gem! Wonderful character development!

Glad to read the other chapters today :) One of the best stories ever !!!

This story reminds me a lot of the story Sea Jewel by Penelope Neri. I'm not saying you copied it, this story just reminds me of that one.

I really enjoy this story but I feel as if suddenly I'm reading a story with different characters Leonne's shift was really quick and his ability to suddenly confide in her seems to come out of the blue and not be in line with his character and it was weird to hear that he was so remorseful raping her this last time when he clearly did not feel such in the previous chapters. I think maybe a little ch.4.5 would help because I feel as if I've missed his character shift/growth.

Overall I really do enjoy the spirit of the story and it is incredibly hot. I am enjoying it

I've read most of your stories. And I have to say they get me going like nothing else. I love to read them. This is one of my new favorite series. Thanks for writing. Please keep going!

I am actually crying at this scene of him apologizing, and her flinching away from him. Then saying she wants to leave. I am sure his heart is broken.

I am enjoying reading the stories you have written. They are extremely entertaining, and so, so sexy. My only complaint, and it is a big one, that the story is so good, I can't stop reading it. Love that you are seeking reader imput although I think you are doing a fantastic job so far. As do many others who have commented. I hope you continue to write, you are very talented.

This is your story. let it go in your direction.

Very puzzling. Just one chapter ago, Leonn was telling Bella that she was right to fear him. He wanted her to fear him and to be captive to him in mind and body. Now he has done a complete 180, realizing that Bella fears him and suddenly feeling ashamed for it? What has inspired this change of heart? It seems unrealistic to have completely changed from another night of rough sex and then some drinking. I appreciate that you are trying to develop the characters, but always remember consistency!

He's already raped her several times without feeling remorseful, and yet he feels remorse now? It is inconsistent and Leonn should be diagnosed with bipolar disorder for his extreme mood swing from pompous and in control to regretful and weak. By the way, how would he know if Bella had a sweet and generous heart? His conversations with her lasted for two minutes each at the most and he's spent most of their time together raping her. Once again, inconsistent.

I wonder how him taking her a little harder than usual makes him so remorseful that he is apologising to her as if they are willing lovers? He had already raped her several times with not much concern for her wishes, thoughts etc. (granted he's quite gentle and wants her to enjoy it).

The transition from them being captive and master to something that just seems plain romantic and quite sentimental is quite jarring. Perhaps you didn't mean for it to happen like this. I will read on, looking forward to seeing where this goes next.

Still LOVING the jealousy :) And I'm glad he found out she didn't want Marie to touch her, and that Bella thought he wanted her to let Marie do what she did.

He now apologizes for raping her? What about all of the other times? Ugh!

He has tortured and raped her from day one .He took her virginity brutally but now he's sorry for it ?? Doesn't make any sense.

I fuckin hate that bitch Bella. She's such a weakling

I have been reading from the beginning.

Enjoying this story thoroughly. Thank you so much for sharing your gift with words with all of us.

As for the Anonymous comments, do not worry over them. They mean nothing. Do not let the negativity get to you nor stifle your imagination.

Well done!

Most of the anonymous commentators are right - it does not make sense that he would now become remorseful about this one time after having already raped her many times, and it does not make sense that she would worry about him taking her in anger after he tortured her in the dungeon. Consistency in characters is extremely important, and if you want to show change in their character, you have to show a convincing gradual process. However, despite these complaints, you are a very good writer, we just know that you can do even better :).

Love your writing!

Well hello, he has been raping her repeatedly, what makes this one rape and others not. Too dimwit for his character

why is she so normal about him putting paddle in her anus .why did he took her so roughly in anal with no foreplay.why is the brutal painful anal not even once been condemned by him or her .he doesnt regret about that painful anal