It's The Way You Look At Me Ch. 07

I didn't know how I was going to approach things when I saw her. I didn't want to ruin the week for Jordan. He and Kelly were tying the knot and I was to be his best man. Jamie was to be the maid of honor for Kelly. If things went bad between us I was afraid it would be a black cloud over Jordan's big day. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if I ruined it for him.

I had a couple of more days to really think about what I wanted to do. I was heading to Key West to meet Jordan and hang out with him for a couple of days. It wasn't a bachelor party or anything like that. He and I just wanted to catch back up and chill out before the big day arrived. Maybe I would wait until after the wedding to talk with her. I was kidding myself really. I knew as soon as I saw Jamie I would want to work things out.

I looked down at the picture on the dash again as I thought of Jamie. I missed her so much right about now. She was all I could think about as I drove on in silence. The gas light glowing next to the picture reminded me I had to stop or I wouldn't make it much further.

Eight hours of driving left me tired but wide awake as I pulled into the driveway of my old house. I opened the front door and walked inside. I could hear my dad talking to his new girlfriend at the table as they had lunch.

"Owen," he called. "I didn't expect you home. I thought you were going to the Keys with Jordan."

"I'm just stopping by for a few hours," I sighed.

"Where the hell have you been for the past few days?" he questioned. "I tried calling you."

"I've been at the camp."

"What camp?" he asked.

"The hunting camp."

"Oh," he smiled. "I thought maybe you were at a team camp or something."

"My football career is over dad," I sighed. "I was at the camp to clear my mind for a few days."

"Don't you still have school?" he questioned.

"I'm basically done. I've got to take one final exam at the end of the month but I'm done other than that."

"Alright," he smiled. "I don't want you to miss out on graduating. You are the first one in the family to go to college and graduate."

"Have you forgotten about Jamie?" I asked.

"Well," he said taken aback. "I meant the first four year college grad."

"Don't worry," I said. "I'll graduate."

"So, what have you been doing at the camp?"

"Working and laying low. I fixed the water heater, cut the grass, trimmed the trails, planted a food plot in the plain, and I fixed the leak in the roof."

"Damn," he laughed. "At least you made good use of your time."

"I have plenty of it," I offered.

"I know," he sighed. "I'm sorry things didn't work out for you."

"Not everybody makes it," I hissed. "I really thought I would but I guess things don't always work out your way."

"There's the Canadian league," he offered.

"I'll see what my agent can find but at this point I think I'm done."

"Keep your chin up Owen. You made us all proud you know."

"I know," I smiled lightly.

"Come on and sit down. Let me fix you a sandwich or something."

"Thanks dad," I said taking a seat.

He didn't make me a sandwich. His new girlfriend Lisa started working on it as I sat there and waited.

"So, is Jamie around?"

"I haven't seen her if she is. Call your Uncle Buck and ask him."

"I'll stop by before I leave."

I sat there for an hour or so and talked with my dad and Lisa before heading out again. I made a quick stop by Uncle Buck's. There wasn't anybody home so I continued on towards Key West and Jordan.

I arrived after a long trip south. I checked into the hotel before I met Jordan. We headed down Duval Street and ended up at Fat Tuesday's for a drink. We started catching back up on the ends and outs of life as the drinks kept coming.

"Have you gotten any calls?" he asked.

"For what?" I asked.

"Teams," he smiled. "I hear they call sometimes after the draft if they have a need to fill."

"I got nothing," I sighed. "I'm done."

"Don't feel bad," he sighed. "I didn't even get a chance to enter the draft. You should consider yourself lucky you got a chance."

"I guess," I sighed again.

"Come on," he laughed. "You are a great player that got over looked."

"Sure," I laughed lightly with him.

"So what are you going to do now?" he asked.

"Graduate then look for a job. That's all I can do at this point really."

"Just like ninety five percent of all college grads," he joked.

"Yeah," I sighed.

He caught the attention of the bartender and waved her over. She came over as he pointed to his empty cup.

"You want another one?" he asked.

"Shouldn't I be buying for you?" I asked.

"Well duh," he laughed. "I'm just making sure your glass doesn't go empty. That's alcohol abuse isn't it?"

I laughed as I looked at the machines swirling the frozen drinks behind the bar and decided on another drink. She poured it and couldn't help but laugh at Jordan's comment. I took a sip from it and looked out at the crowds as they passed by and thought.

"What else is on your mind?" he asked.

"Ah...nothing," I sighed.

"Come on," he pressed. "I know that look. Something else is on your mind."

"It's nothing," I said. "I've just been down for the past couple of months."

"Is it not getting drafted?" he questioned.

"That and other stuff," I sighed.

"Like what?" he asked genuinely interested in why I was not myself.

I thought for a minute before I sighed and gave in a little. "I pissed Jamie off pretty good a few months ago. I've been trying to sort that out since."

"I ah... I saw the interview after you won the game that night," he said. "Did that have something to do with it?"

"You saw that?" I asked.

"I think half the country saw that one," he laughed.

"I guess so," I sighed. "It was on TV wasn't it?"

"So, what are you sorry about?"

"It's a long story."

"I have no place to go," he said.

"Well," I started then paused. Did I really want to tell Jordan the lie I had been living with since we graduated?

"Come on man," he pushed. "You can tell me. It can't be that bad."

"You're my best friend right?" I asked.

"Of course," he said not fully understanding the weight of what I was about to tell him.

"If I tell you something you have to promise me you won't be weirded out by it."

"Oh god," he said backing up. "You aren't going to tell me you're gay, are you?"

"No," I laughed lightly. "I'm not gay."

"Not that I would hate you," he said quickly. "But you sure would have had me fooled."

"I'm not gay," I hissed.

"Then, what is it?"

"Promise me it doesn't ever get repeated."

"Well, damn Owen," he said serious now. "You got me worried."

"Jordan?" I pressed.

"Fine, I promise."

I took a long sip of my drink and got brain freeze for my troubles. I slapped my forehead to try and lessen the pain. Once it let off a little I looked at him.

"Naw, forget about it."

"Owen," he said. "You can tell me anything. "You're my boy. I won't judge."

I sighed again. This was harder than I thought. Maybe a dip would settle me. I pulled my can from my pocket and packed a big pinch into my mouth before I tried to find the courage to speak the truth.

"Is it that serious?" Jordan asked as I packed my mouth. "Sipping and dipping with you means something."

I just nodded then turned to look at him. "Hang onto the bar for me so you don't fall out of your chair."

He jokingly grabbed the bar and waited as I spit into a cup then looked back at him.

"The reason I said what I said after that game is because... Jamie and I were... together."

His eyes squinted then grew bigger as he tried to understand what I was telling him.

"Like, together as in... together?"

"Boyfriend and girlfriend together, yes."

"Wow, ok," he said shocked and took a drink.

"It wasn't like some fling," I explained. "We were together for four years. It wasn't until a few months ago that everything got screwed up."

"I just... holy crap dude. That's a bombshell. I would have never thought..."

"You and Kelly complete each other right?" I asked trying to get him to fully understand. "You would do anything for her and you feel like you'd be lost without her."

"Yeah, but I mean it's Kelly and me. We aren't... you know...?"

"That's how it was with Jamie and me. She means the world to me and I fucked everything up. It's killing me on the inside knowing I hurt her the way I did."

"Ok, so slow down a minute," he said. "So, you and Jamie were...together...like dating for the past four years?"

"Yes," I said. "Since we were in high school. I've spent the last four years with her."

"In high school?" he questioned.

"Yes, right after Courtney and I broke up. Jamie and I started seeing each other."

"Wow," he said shocked still.

"I know it's weird," I said. "But when you find the right person you just know it. She was the right person."

"I guess," he said for the lack of words. "When did it start again?"

"High school," I said again. "Courtney and I broke up and things sort of happened between us."

"Humph," he sighed lost in thought.

"You probably think I'm fucked up don't you?" I asked.

"Four years," he replied.

"Yeah. Dating the whole time. Together, just me and her. In love until I messed it all up."

"Well," he said. "It is rather strange. But I guess it wasn't a fling. Four years is a long time."

"It wasn't a fling. We would still be together if I didn't go and fuck everything up."

"You and Jamie?" he asked again still stunned by everything.

"Yes Jordan," I sighed. "Jamie and I have dated since high school after Courtney and I broke up. We dated until I screwed it all up."

"Ok," he said finally grasping onto what I had just laid on him. We both took long sips from our drinks before he looked back at me again.

"It all makes sense now. That's why you didn't date anyone and why Jamie didn't date anyone. You two were together."

"Yeah," I nodded. "It wasn't that obvious though or was it?"

"Well...no. But now that I think about it...it makes sense now. I never would have thought that was the reason though."

"That was the reason," I sighed.

"So what changed? What happened now that you aren't dating anymore?"

"I never told her I loved her," I replied. "She said it to me and I froze."

"What do you mean you froze?" he asked.

"I froze when she said it to me. Then I couldn't just blurt it out. That wouldn't have seemed like it meant anything."

"Sorry Owen," he sighed. "Forgive me but I'm having a hard time...you know...processing this. I just... I never expected this."

"I shouldn't have said anything," I sighed. "I knew this was a bad idea."

"No, I didn't mean it like that. I can see it's got you all shook up. I didn't realize it was that deep."

"It is," I sighed taking another sip. "I'm lost without her. I want her back."

"So go get her back," he said quickly. "I've never seen you back away from something you've wanted."

"It's not that easy," I sighed. "Don't you think I would have done that already if it was that simple?"

"Well...when did you guys break up?"

"We didn't break up officially," I said. "We are on a break. But that was back in December when she said we needed to take a break. She took the job right after that and we haven't talked about the incident since then. She didn't want to talk about it unless it was face to face. That means this week."

"Was that the only time you didn't say it back to her or something?" he asked trying to get all the facts in order.

"That was the only time we had ever said that. Well... that she said it. It was the only time that either of us had ever said it. I guess it was just assumed that we did but we never actually said it."

"That's a little different," Jordan offered.

"Nothing has been normal for us," I said.

"Yeah, I suppose not," he chuckled lightly.

"I really want her back."

"So, tell her you're sorry and beg for her to take you back," he offered. "You've talked to her since then I hope."

"Just emails. She doesn't want to talk about it that way. She wants a face to face."

"Well," he said. "When you see her you can tell her."

"But what do I say?" I asked. "How do I explain why I didn't say it back?"

"Why didn't you say it back?" he asked.

I sighed hard. "It's the stupidest reason really. It's my mom...it's what happened when she passed away. She told me a lot of things that night before she went. For some reason when Jamie said it to me...it completely locked me up and brought me back to that night. I was frozen. I couldn't say anything when Jamie said it."

"So it's just a misunderstanding," he said.

"Try telling that to Jamie."

"I thought I wasn't allowed to repeat any of this?" he joked trying to get me to relax some.

I just sighed.

"Owen," he said. "You love Jamie?"

"I do."

"So tell her that and explain it to her. If she really does love you back then she will understand."

"I hope so."

We both picked up our drinks and finished them before asking for another round. I twiddled my thumbs on the bar as I waited.

"I don't think any different of you," Jordan offered. "I mean, if you really do love her..."

"I do Jordan. With all my heart I love that woman."

"It's just a lot to take in, you know?"

"Yeah, tell me about it."

"So, am I the only one who knows about this?"

"What do you think?" I questioned lightly.

"How are you going to explain you two to everyone else?"

"Jamie and I were going to figure that out," I sighed. "We never made it that far."

"You guys were really serious about each other then?"

"Well, yeah."

He looked at me and questioned my answer.

"She asked me how serious we were about each other. Then she told me she loved shortly after. She thinks I'm not serious about us but I am. I'm as serious about her as you and Kelly are about each other. I guess I should have told her that. I'm so fucking stupid sometimes."

"It's just a misunderstanding," he offered. "Don't beat yourself up over it."

I just sighed and took another drink.

"So you guys have been hiding this for four years?"

"The past couple hasn't been hard since I was away and nobody knew us," I said. "The first few months were hard since we were still back in school and around you guys."

"So... you guys were fooling around right under everyone's noses then?"

"Together," I corrected him. "We weren't fooling around. When I went away to the hunting camp after we hung the banner in the gym that night we talked about what we wanted from each other. We both wanted this and wanted something long term. It was never just fooling around."

"So you guys knew back then it wasn't just a fling?"

"Um hmm," I sighed.

"That's commitment," he offered.

I looked over at Jordan and saw him thinking. He turned my way with a serious look on his face.

"You have to tell her how you feel Owen," he said. "You know that right? You can't just let her get away from you."

"I don't want to screw up your big day though. This is about you and Kelly."

"You won't ruin the wedding," he smiled lightly. "I know Jamie and she has enough respect for us to keep a level head and make sure things go smoothly."

"I guess so."

"Talk to her man. Don't let her get away from you again without letting her know how you really feel about her."

"I want to I just don't know what to say."

"Tell her what you just told me. Explain it fully and maybe she will understand. Hell, you went on national television and said you loved her. That has to count for something."

"I can only hope," I sighed.

"By the way," he paused. "Did I mention that Jamie and Kelly are coming into town to join us tomorrow?"

"Say what?" I gasped, almost choking on my drink.

"Well," he laughed lightly. "I mentioned to Kelly a few weeks ago that you and I were doing this. She wanted to come along so I told her she could come. I didn't think you would have minded. Then she mentioned it to Jamie and she wanted to come. I wasn't aware of all the other stuff going on between you two."

I took a breath. "Ok. You didn't know. I guess this will be easier now. I won't have to do this at home a day before you guys get married. I can do it here and if things go bad she will have some time to cool off."

"See," Jordan cheered. "I knew you'd find a silver lining in all of this."

"Does Jamie know I'm going to be here?"

"I, ah, I don't know. I assume Kelly would have said something."

"Is there any way you can find out if Jamie knows I'm going to be here without giving too much away?"

"Sure," he smiled.

He pulled his phone from his pocket and sent out a quick text. In a minute the phone beeped with Kelly's reply.

"Jamie knows you are going to be here," he smiled.

"And she still wants to come?" I asked with some disbelief.

"See," Jordan smiled. "You're making a big deal about nothing. Jamie wants to work things out with you or she wouldn't come."

"I can only hope," I smiled back.

We sat at the bar for another hour talking about what I had just revealed to him. He seemed to understand what Jamie meant to me as I paid the tab and we walked down the street to find something to eat. After dinner we hit another bar before wobbling our way back to the hotel.

We got up late the next morning. Hell it was closer to noon by the time we got up. We went out and got a bite to eat before finding another bar and having more drinks. Then it was back to the hotel to rest for the afternoon before getting ready for dinner and meeting the girls. I had never felt so nervous in my life as Jordan and I walked to the restaurant. I made a quick stop and bought some flowers for Jamie as a peace offering.

"Really?" Jordan joked. "Now I have to buy some flowers or I'm going to look like an ass."

"You don't have any ass kissing to do," I said.

"But still," he laughed. "I can't go in empty handed now."

We both left with flowers and headed down the street. We were late now. He busted my ass the whole way down the street until we reached the place.

"Good luck man," Jordan offered.

"She's not going to go off on me with you guys here. It might be a little weird between us but nothing violent."

Jordan opened the door and I walked in past him. There was Jamie standing there along with Kelly waiting for us. She looked simply stunning standing there with the late evening sunlight catching her skin. It was still tan and glowing like the last time I had seen her in person. Her white and yellow sundress fit her body perfectly. She looked like she had lost some weight since the last time I had seen her. Her smile met my eyes as I looked at her blonde hair pulled back in a loose bun. The same pearl earrings graced her ears just like prom night.

"You have to go inside," Jordan joked. "I can't get in the door with your big ass in the way."

I stepped forward and let Jordan go by. He hugged Kelly as she cheered about the flowers. I continued to stand there and look at Jamie. She only smiled at me as I looked at her. I took a tentative step forward and moved towards her.

"I, ah, got these for you," I said softly.

"They look beautiful," she offered.

"Just like you," I added.

"Thank you," she smiled.

She took them out of my hand and smelt them. I glanced over at Jordan as he smiled at me.

"You can hug me," Jamie said. "I don't bite."

"Well," I stuttered. "I wasn't sure what I should do at this point."

"We have to be there for each other Owen," she said lightly. "Remember our deal?"

"I do," I smiled lightly. "I just wasn't sure if you were still mad at me."

"I'm not mad at you," she said. "I'm really hurt by everything but I'm not mad."

"I'm sorry," I said taking her into my arms and hugging her. "Please know I'm sorry."

"Now isn't the time Owen," she whispered.

She squeezed me hard. Feeling her body pressed against mine reminded me of how much I had missed her. I held her for longer than what was appropriate. She finally had to pull away from me and take a step back. She shyly smelt the flowers again as the host waited to take us to our table. She turned and followed the group.