It's The Way You Look At Me Ch. 07

I quickly started following. There was this tension in the air. An uncertainness of how I was supposed to act around her now. I wanted to tell her everything right now but I knew this wasn't the time or the place. I would just have to play it cool and wait for my moment.

We sat down at the four top table. Jordan and I were on one side, the girls were on the other side. The waiter came to the table immediately after the host left. I ordered something stiff to try and shake the awkwardness of the situation away. Jordan ordered a beer. Jamie also ordered something stiff much to my surprise. Maybe the strangeness of the evening was getting to her too. Kelly did a beer just like Jordan.

"You look stunning," I said to Jamie.

"Thank you," she smiled.

"How has life been treating you?" Jordan asked. "How's the new job going?"

"It's going," she offered. "I just got back from London. I'm pooped."

"Where have you been besides there?" Jordan asked.

"I started off in New York. Then I went to Berlin. I stayed there for a month before going to Barcelona. Then I went to London. Now I'm back here."

"That's quite a ride," Jordan offered.

"Tell me about it. I like London the most so far."

"Where are they sending you from here?" I asked.

"Back to London for another week or so then I think Paris or Milan," she replied. "I haven't gotten my orders yet. I think I might be going to Cannes for some time too."

"Bumping elbows with the Hollywood types are we?" Kelly giggled.

"It attracts a lot of fashion so I might get sent there."

"I wish I could go," Kelly sighed.

"We have to pay off your college first before we travel," Jordan sighed.

"I know," she hissed. "Don't remind me. If somebody wasn't so gung ho on playing football we could have gone someplace else on an academic scholarship."

"I couldn't pass up that opportunity," he said.

"How's life treating you Owen?" Kelly asked.

"So, so," I sighed.

"I heard you didn't get drafted."

"Nope. Missed it by that much," I said holding my fingers up.

"What are you going to do now?"

"Graduate then figure my life out," I sighed.

"Alright," the waiter said. "Who ordered the long island?"

"Right here," I said.

"And the Malibu?"

"That's me," Jamie said.

"I guess you two are the beers," he said.

"I've been drinking all day," Jordan chuckled. "I have to change things up a little."

"What can I get you guys to eat?"

We ordered as he scribbled down the order before asking the next question. "Is this separate or all on one?"

"All on me," Jamie said quickly.

"Are you sure?" I asked dumbly.

"Well," she smiled. "I am the only one with a steady job at the moment."

We laughed as the waiter took off to the kitchen.

"I didn't mean it like that," Jamie said.

"You go right on ahead and mean it like that," Jordan laughed. "It don't hurt my feelings any. I can't complain about a free meal."

We laughed again as Kelly asked Jamie about her job again. I fell silent and listened as she went on to tell us about Berlin and the culture. The way she spoke about the world was fascinating. The way she sat there and talked with her hands held my attention. Jordan had to kick my foot under the table to snap me out of my stupor.

"What?" I hissed.

"You look like a zombie," he whispered.

"Sorry," I sighed.

"Relax."

Jamie glanced at me as she spoke about Berlin still. I smiled shyly as she paused then continued on. She was just about to start on Barcelona when the food came to the table. It was just the salads but it slowed the conversation down some as we ate. Kelly was interested in the past few weeks of my life and the draft. I reluctantly told her what it was all about. By this time I had told the story to several people and I was over it by now.

The main course arrived and we continued to eat and convers about whatever came up. We were all finished up and just waiting on the bill. The waiter came to the table.

"Can I get you guys anything else?"

"Just the bill," Jamie replied.

"Sure thing," he said setting it in front of her.

She slipped her card inside and waited for him to take it away.

She giggled a little as he took off with it. "You guys can thank the company for the meals."

"Can you do that?" Kelly giggled.

"I'll find out won't I?" she laughed now.

We all laughed about it for a moment until the waiter returned to the table with the bill for Jamie to sign.

"Can one of you leave the tip?" she asked.

"I got it," I sighed.

She signed the bill as I took out a twenty and tossed it on the table. We stood from the table and headed for the door and the next stop on our list. I watched as Jordan took Kelly's hand and held it as they walked ahead of us. Jamie was ahead of me and following them out the door. It left me at the end of the line and wishing I was holding Jamie's hand now.

"Where to now?" Jordan asked as we exited the restaurant.

"A bar," Kelly cried. "I didn't come to Key West to sit in the hotel room the whole time."

"Why not?" Jordan asked.

"We have the honey moon for that," she giggled.

"Sloppy Joe's?" Jordan asked looking at me.

"Yeah," I sighed. "I guess." I wasn't really in the mood for drinking. I wanted to get things figured out between Jamie and me. The more I looked at her at dinner the more I wanted to talk to her about everything.

"Which way is it?" Jordan asked.

"What am I, a map?" I quipped.

"It's down that way a couple of blocks," a guy in the crowd said. "It's packed though. Might want to try somewhere else."

"Let's try someplace else then," I said to the group.

"Lead the way dude," Jordan cheered.

I turned and started walking down the sidewalk. Jordan and Kelly held hands and looked so happy together. I looked over at Jamie as she walked by me but not close to me. I wanted her back so badly right about now. I just held my cool and continued us down the sidewalk until we reached a bar.

"Grab us a table while we get some drinks," Jordan called.

"What do you want?" I asked Jamie.

"You should know what I like," she replied. "But surprise me with something you think I would want."

"Sure," I sighed.

Jordan and I went to the bar and waited for the bartender to serve us as the girls went and got a table on the patio area of the bar.

"Do they make a drink that says I'm sorry?" I asked Jordan sarcastically.

"Beats the hell out of me," he chuckled. "I can ask."

I just sighed.

"Talk to her man."

"I want to but she doesn't right at the moment."

"We can bolt out of here if you want and leave you two alone," he offered.

"Naw," I sighed. "I'll figure it out."

We ordered then headed back to the table. I handed Jamie her drink and sat down next to her as she took a sip.

"Good choice Owen," she smiled. "I like it."

"I know you," I smiled. "I haven't forgotten."

She just smiled shyly and took another sip. I took a sip from mine and looked over at Jordan. He whispered something to Kelly that made her giggle. She turned back to Jordan and said something to him. I looked over at Jamie again then leaned in and spoke to her.

"I'm so very sorry Jamie," I whispered.

"I know," she sighed. "I am too."

"I can't stand us being like this. I don't know how I'm supposed to act around you."

"It's not any easier on my end either," she offered.

I glanced over at Jordan. He was listening but pretending not to be. He saw my glance and looked away to a TV and pretended to be interested in what was on it. Jamie picked up on it too.

"I think we need to talk about this later," she whispered.

"How long is later?" I asked. "I can't sit here and pretend I'm happy when I'm not."

She looked over at the two of them again and caught them pretending not to be paying attention to us.

"Don't make a scene about it please," she whispered.

I sighed. "I'm going to head back to the room. I ah...have a headache so I think I'm going to rest for a while."

"Owen," Jamie hissed. "Don't be like this."

"Sorry," I sighed. "But I can't sit here and pretend. It's giving more than a headache."

I pushed myself away from the table and stood to leave.

"Owen, wait," Jamie hissed.

"Can we be excused for a minute?" Jamie asked the other two. "We have to talk about something."

"Yeah," Jordan smiled. "We will be here when you get back."

We both stood now and left the bar. We circled down the side street that ran next to the bar and headed away from it so we would be out of sight of the other two. She continued on to a quieter spot next to an old brick building before she stopped and leaned against the wall.

"Let's talk," she sighed.

"I'm so, so sorry Jamie."

"I know that," she sighed again.

"What do you want to do about us? I can't stand us being like this."

"What do you want to do about us?" she asked.

"I want us back together," I half begged. "My life has been shit since you left. I know I screwed up and I screwed up really bad. But I do love you Jamie. With all my heart I love you."

"But you couldn't say it to me when I said it to your face?" she vented a little. "You had to go on national television and say it there to a million people."

"Shouldn't that count for something?" I asked.

"Not to me it doesn't," she hissed. "It was insincere and pretty damn lame if you ask me. Why couldn't you just say it back when I said it?"

"I just... I froze up Jamie. And that's not even really the reason why."

"Then why?" she asked sternly. "Tell me the reason why."

"It's just...it's complicated. You wouldn't understand why it's so complicated."

I knew the reason why but she wasn't in my head. She didn't know what was going through it and she didn't understand how much it had really affected my life. I didn't even understand how much it affected my life until she said it. It triggered some repressed memory that froze me.

"Then help me understand why Owen," she said venting more of her anger. "You made a scene in front of our friends because you want to talk about it. I'm giving you a chance to tell me why and you're giving me the, it's complicated, line. This is a bunch of bullshit if you ask me. I opened myself up to you, basically held my heart in my hand and offered it to you, and you just stood there with a stupid ass look on your face. Do you know how much that hurt me?"

"I know it did Jamie. And I'm so, so sorry that I hurt you."

"Then tell my why. Tell me why it's so damn complicated."

"It just is Jamie," I cried. "It's not that it's complicated, it's just really hard for me to talk about."

"What's so hard about it?" she barked. "It seems pretty simple to me. You were, or are, seeing somebody else and you're too much of a chicken shit to tell me about it or it's some unexplained reason that I need and explanation for. And the, it's complicated, line isn't a good way to explain it to me."

"I'm not seeing anyone else," I hissed.

"Then tell me why Owen," she almost begged now.

My emotions started to get to me now. I rubbed my eyes as the tears started to well up in my eyes. I hated showing my emotions and I knew talking about would break me down but I had to tell her. It was that or lose her forever. I wiped my eyes again then leaned against the brick wall as I looked at the ground.

"It's my mom Jamie," I whimpered. "It's something my mom said to me before she went."

"Your mom?" she asked lost now.

"Yes," I said softly as my lips quivered. "It was the night before she died. She sent my dad out of the room so we could talk alone, just me and her. She said a lot of things that night. How proud she was of me, how I had grown up to be a perfect young man, how I was going to do great things in life and continue to make her proud even if she wasn't going to be there to see it. But the thing she said over and over was how much she loved me."

"Nobody Jamie, nobody has ever said that word to me since that night. Not my dad, not your dad, not grandpa, nobody. It wasn't until you said you loved me that day. It brought back all the stuff she said that night I was with her. I froze up. I could only see her trying to keep it together as she spoke to me. She knew she was going but she didn't want to admit it. It was her way of saying goodbye without actually saying it."

Jamie's hands came to her face and trembled as she covered her mouth. Her tears started to flow just as hard as mine were now as I spoke the truth.

"You said you loved me and it trigged a flashback to that night. I froze Jamie. I could see nothing but her laying there in that bed telling me she loved me and everything was going to be ok when it wasn't. That's why I stood there. That's why I didn't say it. Not because I don't."

"Oh my god Owen," she whimpered. "I'm so sorry. I didn't know."

Her arms opened as she reached for me. She took me into a big hug and held me as I cried on her shoulder. We stood there for a while just holding each other until I calmed down enough to talk again.

"I didn't know Owen. I'm sorry."

"Nobody did Jamie. When you said that to me it brought me back to that day. I felt like I was given a gut check again. I'm sorry I didn't say it back. It just took me by surprise. It's a lame excuse but that's the truth."

"It's not an excuse Owen," she said softly. "I can see it in your eyes. It has cut you pretty deep. I know you, you hate to cry."

"I'm so sorry Jamie. I do love you. With all my heart I love you. I know it took a lot for you to say that to me and I'm sorry I didn't say it back. I didn't realize what those words were going to do to me until you said it. You are the first person to say that to me and mean it in the way that you meant it."

"I'm sorry too Owen. I'm sorry I was so cold to you after. I had no idea that you went through all that. I would have never left if I knew. I would have never asked for a break."

"What are we going to do about us? I want you back. I want us to be us again. You asked me how serious we were about each other that day. I'm willing to give up anything to get you back. I hope us being apart for so long hasn't changed how you feel about me."

"I want you back Owen. I've missed you. I've missed you being in my life. Being away from you hasn't changed that. Do you remember what you said to me before I left you?"

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder?"

"Umm hmm," she smiled.

"We don't have to be apart anymore. I'm done with school. I can move to New York and we can be together. If that's what you want."

"There's nobody else in your life?" she questioned.

"Not one person," I said honestly. "Even with the break we were on there was nobody. You were all I could think about. Every day since you left you are all I have thought about."

"That's what I thought when you didn't say it back."

"Never. I couldn't do that to my best friend."

"I just doubt us sometimes," she sighed.

"Don't ever doubt us Jamie."

"I don't understand how you can be so content with me and so certain about us."

"Because it's you. Don't ask me how or why, I can't explain that one to you. I've loved you for as far back as I can remember. I just didn't realize it until now how much I really do love you. You're my best friend in the world, the one who I can trust with all my secrets and my darkest fears. You make me feel like I'm the luckiest guy in the world when I'm with you. I'm far from perfect but you make me feel like I am. Nobody can make me happy like you do. Nobody can make me feel the way I feel when I'm with you. I can search the world over and I would never find another person as perfect for me as you are. I'm not just content with you, I'm truly, truly happy with you. That's why I can be so certain about us."

She smiled at me now. That perfect smile that brought out her teeth. Her eyes studied me and had that look that I was so used to seeing. They said everything she couldn't in that moment. She knew how important she was to me now. I had never really expressed that to her before.

She licked her lips as she leaned closer to me. I leaned into her and took her in my arms. Wrapped her up tightly as my lips touched her. She melted in my arms and kissed me like she had never kissed me before. A deep and tender kiss that I had been hoping for since she left. One that said she forgave me and that it was all over with.

We stood there and kissed. Long and deep soul kisses that lingered before we parted and took a breath. Then it was right back for more. I had missed those lips on mine. Missed her passion and the taste of her kiss. Missed her hot breath panting in my face as we grabbed a breath then went right back for more. Missed the feeling of her soft and tender skin as my hands cupped her face and pulled her to my mouth. People were watching us as we stood right there and kissed on the sidewalk.

We finally parted from each other. Her eyes studied mine again. Lips so full of desire as she panted a little from the exchange. I had missed that look. Knew she was mine again. We were starting over again. Building something that we both wanted to last. It was a hard test but we made it. It was the longest we had never been together ever.

"Are we done with our break?" I asked.

"Yeah," she smiled. "Just don't do something like that again."

"I tried to explain but you wouldn't talk to me about it."

"I was hurt Owen," she sighed. "I'm sorry I didn't let you explain. It would have saved me all the heartache I guess."

"Me too," I smiled.

"So there's no doubt in your mind," she started. "I've been alone since we took a break too."

"I wouldn't even question that," I said quickly. "You were never that way."

"Sorry I was kind of a bitch to you," she offered.

"You had your reasons," I joked. "That kiss more than made up for it."

"Best kiss of my life," she smiled.

"Is there anything else I need to explain? I've got nothing to hide."

"No," she smiled. "The way you looked at me when you explained your reason leaves no doubt in my mind."

"What do we do now?"

"You take my hand and we never let go," she smiled.

I reached for it and took it firmly. She smiled at me as we started back for the bar. We reached the steps before she tried to let go. I held her tightly and wouldn't release.

"Owen," she sassed. "You can let go. It was just a figure of speech."

"Well," I said. "There is one thing I didn't tell you."

"What?" she questioned.

"I told Jordan about us yesterday."

"You did what?" she cried.

"I told him about us," I said unsure that I had done the right thing.

"Oh my god," she gasped.

"He took it well. I explained what you mean to me and he understood. Hell, he told me I should beg you to forgive me and not let you get away."

"Ok," she said unsure.

"If we are going to be together we are going to have to tell everybody about us at some point. Jordan was a small step."

"What about Kelly?"

"What's wrong with letting her know? She's your best friend. Let's bring it up and see how it goes."

"Oh my god," she sighed. "I don't know how we are going to tell her."

"I'll do it," I offered.

"No," she sighed. "Let me figure it out and I will do it."

We held hands proudly as we returned to the seats we had left fifteen minutes before. Jordan was smiling at me as I pulled the seat out for Jamie and let her sit. I climbed into mine and took another sip of my drink. Then I pulled my can from my pocket and packed my mouth. The stress was killing me.

"I see that hasn't changed any," Jamie sighed.

"I'll work on it," I sighed back.

"Well?" Jordan asked.

"Yeah," I smiled.

"And you were worried," Jordan smiled.

"I'm happy for you two," Kelly offered.

"You are?" I questioned.

"Yeah," she smiled. "Jordan told me last night."

"Jordan," I hissed.

"Well," he smiled his smile. "I figured you two would work things out. And I had to tell somebody. She was going to find out sooner or later."