by Cleardaynow
His realization at the end was a little abrupt, but still - nicely done. Whoever proofread/edited for you did an amazing job. I was never once jerked from the story by obvious misspellings or other typos.
Very funny writing Clear, reminds me of the old joke of Father comes home from work and the little tykes come running up to him yelling "Daddy! Dada's home!" and Mother is standing in the kitchen rolling her eyes and snickering.
When I don't have any way that I can think to change a story to improve it, I give it a five star rating. You get that on this story. It captures the way a person thinks inside their own mind so well.
Could not help myself visualising Michael Caine playing Jack, as an Alfie type character
5ed
Ironic and dirty. Just like I like them.
I would say that the score on this story would be much higher if Lit readership wasn't so heavily American. Just in the story tags, there are two phrases (posh totty and slag) that I don't know. I slowed down and read carefully, and I didn't see the ending coming at all.
It's a great story!