All Comments on 'Joy on Stage Part Ch. 02'

Joy was right, her career would be over. Nobody would hire an actress stupid enough to let herself be used that way. She'd be an instant joke in the profession.

Makes for a sexy story though.

I had high expectations, and I feel slightly let down. Sure it’s better than 90% of the stories on this site, but after the build-up I was hoping for a ‘top 2%’ story, and I think it’s fallen a little short.

Why?

Well, first it is meant to be an erotic story site. Having built up to the shaving scene I thought it was anti-climactic. You got no feeling that either Chelsea or Rosemary found anything erotic about it. In Chelsea’s voice we hear “My lips were puffy, getting thicker by the second”, but there’s nothing to explain why. In the scene Chelsea comes across as 100% embarrassed, heading towards mortified. I think it would have played better if she had been 80% embarrassed and 20% aroused, but then also embarrassed about being aroused.

The second point is Chelea’s away-from-work relationships with Vaughn and her flatmates. As in the first episode all it seems to do is slow the tempo of the story. I believe the focus of the story needs to be Chelsea’s performance in the play, and particularly the verging-but-not-really dom/sub relationship with Rosemary.

Maybe it’s all set up for something exciting to happen in this arena in episode 3, but if so it needs to be something that carries an erotic charge to pay back for all this build-up, and all that seems to have been set up is an argument and a break-up before we were properly together scene.

Finally, I found the idea that the play would be advertised in a porno mag risible. This is meant to be serious professional theatre. Everyone involved would want the nudity to be seen as artistically necessary and required for the play to make it’s emotional point. No one would want to be seen as backing porn, producing porn, directing porn or acting in porn.

It would even backfire in audience terms, as for everyone who turned-up to ogle the nudity you’d lose just as many regular theate-goers, including most couples who would not buy tickets to a porn performance. I just don’t buy that after all the effort of rehearsing and producing a serious play you’d advertise it to the "frat-boy on spring-break" and "dirty raincoat" markets.

I agree, the other poster is right. Appearing naked in a play marketed as porn means Chelsea’s 'serious' acting career is over. Pretty much the same for Rosemary’s directing career… so I just don’t buy-into it happening the way it’s written.

The other problem is that for the story to progress further, Chelsea has to be talked into being even more daring by Rosemary. But it’s not credible that this could happen after Rosemary has betrayed Chelsea’s trust over the way the publicity shots would be used.

Indeed the only sensible response from Chelsea would be to try to protect herself by issuing a statement saying she played the first night nude as a late change because the director asked her to and she trusted the director, but having been let down she is playing it the way it was rehearsed from now on.

The problem with that is there is no climax to the story. What's happened in this episode is as juicy as it gets. I just can't see how the author climbs out of this plot-hole without throwing away the realism and believability that has otherwise been the hallmark of this story.

Four stars. Good, but could and should have been better.

The time spent remarking on the story, as well as reading it, are very welcome. I wish it had been more satisfying for anyone who didn't feel it paid off, but I see it as a good thing that it kept readers engaged enough to finish it, and also inviting enough interest to get such thoughtful feedback.

My biggest misstep, I feel, is that Chelsea characterized the magazine in which her picture (and a review) appears as a "porno mag." This is what she thought it was, as it was what she expected from Chuck, but I have always thought of it more as an indie local magazine. If you live in a metropolitan area and have seen these types of publications, they are full of credible journalism up front... and tons of hook-up ads and "massage" classifieds at the back. It's not unlikely to see an early review of a play or a write-up in such a publication, and while full frontal nude photos are probably unlikely, I risked writing it as a somewhat plausible occurrence. The problem probably comes from the fact that I stayed mostly in Chelsea's mind for that ending sequence and never clarified how I saw it. I hadn't expected it to color anyone's interpretation.

As for the shaving scene, it seems like I tried to cling to realism there, discomfort and sub-surface eroticism rather than becoming a full-blown lesbian sex scene between professionals. That might have been what some people wanted, but I wasn't going for that.

Thanks for sticking with it. I'm very glad for all the 5-star votes and positive feedback from everyone who offered, and I also appreciate the time invested from those who didn't feel it worked for them.

It seems that you aren't sure whether you want to write a dramatic novel or a short sex story. they don't mix well. Choose one or the other. This was far too long and slow-moving to keep my attention.

Forget about the dumb comment about being mixed up. This was great a real story with eroticism, about real people, not cardboard, where people lose all their clothes in the second paragraph, or never even have any clothing, but are fucking in the first sentence.

Slow is best, in my opinion, and this story is excellent !!!!

Thanks much