All Comments on 'Kath and Tom Ch. 01'

A little drawn out bro but it sounds like it might be good to following some.

Its dragging

I love the drama, I love the tension. The pacing is fine, the technique of telling two simultaneous stories seemingly unrelated at first, then through the magic of excellent writing makes it all come together! I am looking forward to the next chapters. Thank you for the read.

i read were written by a ten year old's grow up nobody acts that way and holds down a job and your main character if he tells himself he is not an idiot enough times maybe he will believe it.

Ok I get it. The author is not a weak or a willing cuckold. The story isn't so sure because the narrator keeps flexing to reassure the readers . The story isn't horrible but the incessant chest thumping is distracting from main issue, namely how far has the wife strayed and what if any are the consequences?

This site desperately needs people who are grown up and can write. Ignore the illiterates and the semi-literates and write for those of us who can recognise a writer when we read one.

I don't mind the chest thumping. It reads like this type of guy thinks. Not as in touch with his feelings as an intellectual or a "new age" kinda guy, more like what he is, a smart "average Joe" that has made himself successful. Tom is a bit of a cowboy. Quiet but tough.

Really well characterized and very compelling. I had things to do this morning but I couldn't stop reading. Now I can't wait for the next chapter.

Thanks for the read.

Francis_Toliver

Having him bail without saying a word was implausible and out of character. That's the move of a passive-aggressive, and he certainly wasn't portrayed as that. You tried to make it fit by having her bring Sue home to preclude a confrontation, but it still doesn't work.

It's a well-written story though. Just need to avoid more nonsensical melodrama.

it's a fantastic read, well thought out. I'm really looking forward to the next chapter. 2

Its very nice to see a well written STORY, again. I, like others have been missing a good reading story. Although the main character seems too be sitting on the fence waffling, as far as making up his mind about his wife and their marriage. Here's looking for more to come. Maybe hubby will fall off that fence and wake up, or......maybe not.

an English speaking editor. You clearly have some trouble with idioms and with number and tense. It is often jarring to a native speaker the kind of mistakes you make. The story also has jarring character shifts that do not make sense in context. So a plot editor might be helpful. Stay focused. Keep it up. Your writing has real possibility.

Its been ages since someone posted a truly good story. Truly interesting and provocative. A great story with no fag cum eating bullshit. You have talent pay no attention to anyone that says different. Cant wait to read your next chapter.

Interesting plot, but very far from well written. The mistakes are rampant and strange. An editor would help tremendously.

but, Jesus, your spelling and incorrect word usage is just awful.

but you can do more to develop the husband's character by what he DOES .. and HOW he does it ... what he says and HOW he says it... as opposed to actually saying the same thing over and over again

Despite grammar imperfections this was a good read - I agree with previous comments that an editor would have helped. Plenty of us available and happy to assist!

I must have a missed up mind I read it and didn't have any trouble with it cant wait for the rest of the story .

If a person is cheating, they will link everything that happens with the affair. IF she was cheating, then she would have guessed that his abrupt departure was a result of his knowledge about her affair. After all, she is a "high school maths teacher", so she's not a complete idiot. Likewise, so what if she was cheating? At worst they would get a divorce and she would get alimony, a portion of his company, child support and, subsequently, the house. He could catch her fucking the entire state football team as the halftime show and he would still be fucked by the courts....so. Why would she be crying?

Because this is not about reality or even wishful thinking, I give this a 1 gold star.

Good story until now...Let's see what the writer has in mind to finish it...I'll rate the whole story in the end...

and sometimes you don't even know it. TK U MLJ LV NV

Liked this story. Raised my curiosity enough to want to see how the next chapter plays out. Yes other commenters pointed out the errors an editor could easily fix. Have to agree with them. Even a couple of critical proof reads would have been enough to catch the missed and misspelled words. Please don't let that deter you.

Finally the only tag for this story is celibate marriage? Not celibate now though, are they? If you want this story to be read after it falls off the main page you need to add tags that readers search for, such as cheating, affair, cheating wife, revenge, sister, niece (assuming they help Tom). The more tags you use the more likely this story will be read by others using the search engine over time. Thanks for the post. Looking forward to chapter 2. 4 stars.

Good start to a cheater? Mystery. But, thats a lot of new characters in the last paragraph... Dont overwhelm us over 50 folks.😎

Speaking of reality - it is highly improbable that the wife would be awarded child support for an adult daughter who is no longer living at home.

Cog

Sometimes life's a bitch, huh? I hope Tom takes Kath out of his life. BTB! Cheers!

Very interesting and intriguing story. Hurry with the next chapter please.

First part of the chapter was damned good. Well written. Toward the end it the quality of the writing seemed to diminish. It read, at least to me it did, as though you were running out of steam and wanted to get it over and done.

Looking forward to the next installment should there be one.

but I hope the 2nd chapter will arrive soon. I hate it when chapters are spread out over several months. Well written but I wish the characters were a little more fleshed out.

I normally do not enjoy Aussie authors. It's not the British spelling; instead, it's the Aussie slang. Didn't see that in this story. I found myself empathizing with Tom. I hope he uncovers the true "Silly Bitch." Please do not make him a wimp! Story could have used a bit more proofreading, especially the punctuation. (Dialogue punctuation in particular.)

Needed more tags - cheating wife (for sure!) or has her affair really been with Sue?

Good story! It is holding my attention and the suspense is building nicely. Be careful not to drag us too long.

Great theme and smooth flow. Wonderful start to a possible outstanding story. Keep it up and as others have said: soon!

You insinuate the affair with Fielding, but you have yet to quote an email or some other hard evidence. A lousy plot device. And of course her emails should also indicate how long the affair lasted, and why it ended. But Tom doesn't bother to read or quote those; he needs a break. So exactly what was he going to confront her with? And if he is reading her most recent emails there should be some corroboration that the affair is ongoing, all of which you omit. Too cute for me. I do think the writing is good and will continue to read and enjoy what I can. And I thank you for that. P.S. Follow your original instincts; don't let us change your story.

Perhaps a good editor could have eliminated some of the unnecessary elements. And helped with some of the mediocre dialogue. But overall, a good effort. Looking forward to the next chapter.

Personally I would be pissed if I ran into a whole pile of more or less intimate letters that I had no knowledge of my wife having received. That is even without any clear evidence of something physical so I would have called out on the front porch while Sue sat in the living room starting with the question of why she changed her password when we have always been open, going through the question of why she moved out of the bedroom and finally telling her that I had read enough into the e-mails to move on, and she would talk to me in the future through a lawyer after I filed on grounds of incompatibility.

The cut-off business was never adequately explained and the e-mails without physical occurrences would be a reason for me to file for a divorce, but I would accept court-ordered counseling without complaint because then she would be sure that I was not bluffing.

Left me thinking: "Damn! That's the end of Chapter 1!"

Eager for more, which is a sign of a good storyteller.

. . . usually leave me flat; this one doesn't, just confused. I'm not sure where the story is headed at all. Is it the cheating wife story it seems to be? I don't know but don't think so. What is the role of long lost sister and niece? All of the messages, a thousand or so, haven't been digested at this point. Sue knows Kathy is a silly bitch and Kathy admits as much so there is clearly some indiscretion, but something makes me feel it is mitigated in some way. There are a lot of crap details scattered about in the story.

I guess the real question is does chapter two clear everything up and answer all of the questions or is this the beginning of another soap opera? Only time and our author will tell.

You weave a good story, dont know what the anger in Tommy is about early on, other than he can feels something is amiss. You have the makings of a barn burner here, can go in lots of directions and will follow to see how you finish it up.

Great first effort.

I like Etta too. Track down her 'Tough Lover' if you haven't heard it. 5*s.

After about a dozen times of Tom having a "flash of anger" with no clue why and nothing whatever coming of it, I think I'm going to bail. I haven't any idea what is going on, and even less interest. I think I'm having a flash of anger, rage even, or maybe it's just a hot flash or indigestion. Faaaaarrrt! OK...ahhh...much better...carry on.

but it read like a police report. Very wooden. Thanks for the offering.

looking fwd to next chapt. hope it doesn't turn to wimpy. crying, puking, suicidal thinking actions. As most authors turn into.

4 ****s

He has what evidence, what do the emails say! Time to confront her for an explanation! Running and hidding is not this man toms style. You are not sucessfull like him if you wimp out. After all the sex between them I don't see her cheating for any dame reason! We see how the author plays it in the next chapter . Great first writing effort .c

Unusual style, almost like listening to an episode of Dragnet. But the plot is interesting, and the characters are unique. Another chapter? Sure! Set 'me up, Bob!

On the up side I am anticipating a chapter story like nothing recently posted.

On the down side...I'm afraid where this might end up going...

@whack .. they would get a divorce and she would get alimony,

Probably not. She's got a job and can support herself on a very generous teachers salary.

.... a portion of his company,

Probably not. Created before marriage and he had the foresight to get a pre-nup.

... child support

No child support for adult children...

... the house.

Community property. They'd have to sell it and split it

.... He could catch her fucking the entire state football team as the halftime show and he would still be fucked by the courts..

oh yeah forgot about how real courts in this fucked up country totally fuck the guy no matter what... (what guy in his right mind would get married these days?)

Gave it a 4. Good read. Ignored the errors. Where's it going? The guy is surrounded by hot babes at the office. She stopped having sex with him to make him angry so he'd attack her which is what Kathy wanted. Kath wants to be dominated. Or maybe her wanting a threesome with a woman as a way to make it up for her affair knowing he'd end up screwing them both. Or Paul is really having the affair with a guy... Poor Sue. But then Kathy is peeved (frown) that Tom broke up Kathy and Sue's almost fun with blondie and Luke. This story is all over the place. Hope the next chapter comes soon. Silly bitch...

Just kidding I think. Just one of a thousand directions this could go mostly because you have not really given us much proof of anything yet except an emotional affair with another man. I usually never read an obvious multi part story until it is all posted because I can't stand to wait. So far I like this one and now I can't wait. Sitting here writing scenarios in my head. Watch out Kath, there is a hot woman at the bar on the south side who will take your Tom in a heartbeat if you have screwed up too much and are unwilling to grovel or fight for him, etc. you SILLYBITCH.

The story is a good concept and has the right length and plot depth. You have set up a situation with enough (but not too many) teasers such as glimpses of anger and hatred and time periods where she had opportunity to cheat with what she thinks is plausible deniability. I look forward to reading more.

Get An Editor

Here is just one of your sentences: "I looked at the girl but saw not gratitude only announce." I took me several seconds to realize that "announce" was meant to be "annoyance". There are also misused words such as "mine" instead of "my". If that sounds to you like a quibble, consider how it would sound to you if people actually spoke that way. There are enough of these (and other errors) to seriously limit the pleasure of reading your story. I'm not really trying to come down hard on you, but I do know that people are usually unaware of their own language errors.

Because this is your first story on this site I ignored the errors and gave it 5 stars. But please get an editor and then please do keep writing.

Could probably use an editor, but you've made a good start. Hope you're thick-skinned, writing in Loving Wives isn't for the faint of heart. Thanks for sharing.

I really like this story. The characters are complex and emotional. They draw you into the story. The dialogue is realistic . Kath and Tom have friends and family . Unlike other writer's story where the couple exist in a vacuum. Multiple events occur at nearly the same time, like real life ! Someone else is having a baby. Business is demanding more attention, etc.

Gave you 4*s and eager to read more by WillieWolfe . I am very

AMerryMan

This made no sense to me. It jumped around. The whole thing was disjointed. One star.

mixed liberally with multiple innuendos. It would be nice to at least know what set him off after reading the deleted e-mails.

Good story telling! Many homophone errors, but grammer seems to be pretty good. Need to get a thorough editor. Looking forward to the ending. Don't take to long to finish.... We are at the unresolved conflict, so now bring it to the conclusion. Thanks for the offering.

It's easy to see you're making it up as you go along. You need an outline. Then you construct a rough copy. Then you flesh in more detail. Then you put it away for a few days. Then you come back and reread it; that's when you do what Harry said, you flesh out your character's personalities - you that piecemeal.

Most of all you need to slow down! It was easy to see by the careless mistakes you got in a real rush toward the end.

You have a tense problem; you drift in and out and that makes it a brittle read.

Still, all in all it was a good start to what could become a terrific story. Tom's got some problems; some with his wife and some internal. Kathy sure loves him, but I think she sees him as something of a milquetoast. That's probably at the core of whatever dalliance, real or imagined, she might have had with the outsider and also in the way she doesn't ask for advice regarding Sue or Allison. It also helps explain his flight from home without any confrontation.

My advice; slow down, proofread everything thoroughly, and do finish this for if you don't someone else will and you probably won't like their conclusion.

Keep writing. This site is a great outlet for amateurs like you and me, and the LW section, for better or worse, provides the most insightful comments.

By the way i gave your first part a five.

I agree with the comments already posted for the most part.

Some more punctuation would help. There is a big differnece between your "The lady said no dick wad" and "The lady said no, dick wad!"

Also, use frequently used "to" when you meant "too."

Still, I'm looking forward to the next (and, I hope, final) chapter. Soon.

? Anytime soon?

Took on board comments about getting and editor. Process has taken a little longer than I had hoped. Part: 2 was completed at the same time as the first part. Editor is down to the last 10 pages. So hope to post before the weekend.

Willie Wolfe

Fine 1st submission. can't wait for the next installment. Thanks

when will ch.02 come out

how long before chapter 2

Is chapter 2 coming anytime soon?

waiting for the next installment for a long time. pls give us a tentative date

A really solid first chapter can't wait to see where the story goes

All I can say is part 2 better be damn good! Ha!!!!

You indicated that Chapter 2 would be available before the weekend, without

stipulating which weekend. Please clarify the date when chapter 2 will be ready!

Okay, I'll cut her a LITTLE slack, being taken in by a skillful seducer, though she certainly should have known better than to fuck him, and DEFINITELY should have broken things off once that happened.

Then to be too blind to see what's going on, when it's not just her husband who sees it, who can possibly be ignored as "jealous" or possessive, but her best friend Sue, who certainly know cheating when she sees it!

Overall, enjoyed both chapters.

This is the first story I have seen where the husband is smart enough to know he doesn't need to get his hands on his wife's cell phone, but can simply check the records online.

I have to agree with the comments re usage, I especially liked "friends and colleges" when you meant "colleagues"!

There were many case where you either used apostrophes where none were needed, or DIDN'T use them were you should!

So far, so good. A few typos hither thither and yon, but the reader can work around them. I like the story. Aussies and Yanks think a lot alike. As it is now, I say BTB, but we shall see. Cheers!

Well paced, kept my interest nicely.

I enjoyed this first chaper, nice mix of plot and erotica. Well done

Many longer stories can get hard to read but you managed to maintain the flow

looking forward to the next chapter

You have a nice pace to your writing this is a great first story in the toughest section on this site loving wives looking forward to readimg more. BTW if you see a ref towards a story being WACC it is derogatory it mean Wimp Ass Castrated Cuckold. Don't think you will ever have two worry about that term being applied to any of your stories

I've just finished reading this for the second time & think you've done a pretty good job for a first time story. I do agree with other commentators, that the use of an American editor may have been helpful to give it a more "at home" feel seeing it was supposed to be set in the USA. However I'm from across the ditch, so could usually understand the sometimes Aussie way of speaking. Apart from that, good stuff; now please keep up the good work. 4 ****

Congrats. That is an impressive first chapter. Five out of five. The author strung me along with just enough mystery. I kept wondering why Tom was so angry at seemingly random things. There was a real sense of tension in the author's writing. There doesn't seem to be a smoking gun that his wife was cheating, but there is certainly some circumstantial evidence unless there is more in the email that Tom saw but wasn't revealed to the readers. The writing was clear and strong and the sex scenes were good. I saw no typos. I look forward to the next chapter . Cheers Steve

She's not exactly the poster child for a healthy marriage. What makes her information good for him? Answer is that it isn't good for him. Just divorce the bitch and be done.

An intreguing tale which demands I push on to Ch. 02.

How does that work? Do you have a time machine that makes time stand still? It's stupid. It's annoying to read.

The worst.

about the doors closing and opening, TK U MLJ LV NV

I gave this a 5

VOTE 1* FOR EVERY STORY RATED BY THAT MORON VASTIESMITH2 AKA BONNIETAYLOR2 AKA ANON! REPORT THE TRANNY BITCH'S RANTS, PEOPLE!!! IT JUST TAKES 1 SECOND!

onward to chapt 2

And it's still not finish it reads like you are making it up as you go along. Thanks for the read.

cuck shit.

illiterate cuck shit.

Thanks for the offering.

I agree with the last anonymous.

This guy is a douchebag.

A pussy douchebag

A lowlife that abandons his sister.. the prat should know that spousal abuse victims often still go back to their abuser.

You do not just abandon family. What a fuckwad

This story started so slow, that I had to take a break after page two just to be able to finish.... Characters were just not likeable. IMHO.... 3*** for the effort and no willing cucks even if he is a bit of a wimp.....

Labeled as erotic-fetish since that was over 90%.

illiterate cuck shit.

WOW!!!! You made a real ass-hole out of your character!

Pretty decent chapter. A little long, and slow going. Want to read chapter two before rating.

Really enjoying the story so far. Logical moves by Tom; normally an in-your-face kind of guy, he walked away from confronting wife when she brought their friend home with her. Makes sense, didn't want to argue in front of a friend dealing with a cheating husband, but he still needed to do something - so he walked.

Great writing, I wish you were still cranking out stories. Thanks for posting.

interesting so far.

Talk about a story jumping around. Also have you read what you have written? No I didn't think so! Some sentences don't make sense and the spelling is very bad! It kills the story!

Looking forward to the rest.

A bit contrived, or his wife is too manipulative.

It all seems a bit lame though.

Why had he not objected to his wife sleeping in the other room?

And, very likely her affair has run its course and that is why she is sleeping with him again.

Next, if he isn't careful, she and Sue will next be in bed together.

I just hope the author does not put all three of them in bed together. That would warrant about -15 stars

Typical weak LW husband who gets lead around by the nose by his slut wife. If you keep reading, you'll see. Utter rubbish

Boring.....takes forever to get anywhere and the husband is a clueless tool.

Very good, so far. The editing is kinda rough, but I'm on to part two. Thanks for posting. Randi.

Very interesting start, although you really need an editor.

Hooked