All Comments on 'Legend Ch. 01'

definitely has potential, hope to see more soon

... shows much more potential than "I'll wash your mouth with soap, you four-letter brained tart !".

So, see or read you ... later - and thanks for a whitty writing. I didn't know swiss alps could be so inspiring (but dinosaurs tracks actually are preserved on some rocks found in the swiss alps - hence the dragon legend ;)

but hard to read at times. The main problem is not your witty writing, which I enjoy, make no mistake, but that you repeat the same very colourfull descriptions over and over. That creates two dificulties in reading.

First and foremost, repetion of such inventive and colourfull descriptions does not add anything, but detracts, as it destroys their freshness and uniqueness.

Second is that so many repetetive complex descriptions make it hard to read, as most are not used to such complex descriptions. In the terminology of computer: each description takes time to compile and so many so complex descriptions take a lot of time to compile each time. This slows down the reading speed and makes reading tenous by no fault of the story, which is funny so far and shows, as said, lots and lots of potential.

So tone down on the descriptors a bit and save them for the important parts and persons. I know from experience, that every character is dear to the author and every scene of the utmost importance, but you need to prioritice or the story will suffer.

That said, I cannot repeat often enough that your story has lots and lots of potential and I like your fresh and witty writing style. Thanks for sharing

Yes, your writing has potential.....But the imagery and the tone, and the constant first person of the whole thing kinda detracts from the entire story. It has been my experience that writers that use first person, present tense to write a story are going to head down the inevitable road to disaster. Then, not to be sexist, nor genderist, nor to be seen as homophobic, but lesbianism doesn't do it for me. I'm sorry, but the clear and present images that you've thrown up, is that our 'heroine' and the 'dragon' are both lesbians. Sorry, but you've lost me.

i love the writeing style in this, reminds me of hitchickers guide to the galixy.