Like Father Like son

***************

With that, I got out my folded copy of the letter and smoothed it out onto the table top. I was careful not to tear it as it was pretty dog-eared and wrinkled. But it was readable. I stared at it for a minute before I pushed it over to Mr. Austin to read for himself. This is what it said.

My dearest Ben,

If your grandma did as I asked, when you read this, you will be a man grown. I know you believe I left you alone and that I didn't care about you. I swear to you that's not true and I can only hope that you will understand after reading what I have to tell you. You were too young to understand at the time.

I loved your father with all my heart but I did something that hurt him very much. You know that I worked at a doctor's office where I met many people. There was one sweet gentleman that was very sick and the doctor told him he had only a short time to live. I became friends with him when he came to see the doctor and we talked about our lives and our families while he waited. I told him about my wonderful family, about you and your father, but he had no one. His wife had died, he had no children and he was alone. I felt sorry for him.

One day he asked me to have lunch with him and I agreed, thinking that as a friend it would be all right. We went to lunch but things became complicated and I ended up going to his home and sleeping with him. That was a terrible thing to do but at the time I was only thinking of it as a way to make his last days more pleasant. He was in such pain. Your father and I loved each other and I thought that what I had done would not affect my life with him.

The man was grateful but wanted to continue to see me. At first I refused, thinking of the guilt I felt having been unfaithful to your father. But eventually, seeing the pain he was in, and the small pleasure I gave him, I agreed and we continued to see and sleep with each other. I swear to you that I was only trying to make his last days more bearable and more pleasant. I had no feelings for him other than friendship. I never saw what I was doing as being unfaithful to your father, but I felt so bad about what I had done that I finally told your father the truth. That was the day our lives changed forever.

I pleaded with Howard to forgive me and tried to explain why I had done this thing but he wouldn't listen. We fought and he became distant and pushed me away. I knew that trust was something very important to your father but I never saw what I did as being a matter of trust. That's why I finally told him. I couldn't live with keeping secrets from him. Your father however saw it as much more. I was devastated but I never truly understood the depth of his pain. I had hurt him terribly but I didn't see it at the time. I was too concerned with my own guilt and my fear of losing him and my wonderful family. I worried only about myself. I let him down in so many ways. But we were still together and he never asked me to leave so I hoped that things would get better if I just waited and dedicated myself to making him happy.

The day that I went to find the latest on my friend was the day your father shot himself. I found out later that he knew where I was going even though I never told him. I was only trying to find out if my friend was still alive but your father didn't understand. He saw that as the final betrayal and he took his own life.

He left a note to me but I destroyed it before the police came. It was so cruel and accusing and I deserved everything he said but I couldn't stand to see those hateful words so I destroyed it. He died never having forgiven me. I tried to live with the guilt of what I did to him and what it forced him to do but I couldn't go on any longer. The pain that he felt was now mine and I can't live with the burden of it. Just as with your father, it continues to grow inside me until I fear it will devour me.

I have tried to live in spite of the pain and be a good mother for you but the pain won't let me alone. It has grown on its own until it is all I can feel. I plan to take my own life now. I hope and pray that God will forgive me and that I will be given the opportunity in that next life to apologize to Howard.

I am sorry not to see you grow and prosper but I know that I can't be a good mother to you any longer. The pain is too intense and I fear it will destroy you as well if I continue to live with it. Your grandmother will provide for you and give you a good home. This is all I have left to give you.

Please try to forgive me,

Your Loving Mother, Pauline

Bill finished the letter with a tear in his eye. I knew the feeling. I had cried many times when I read that letter. I don't know to this day whether I forgave her but I didn't hate her any longer. Actually, I didn't hate either of them. They deserted me because of their own pain, forgetting the pain that I would be left with. But, they were my parents and I loved them in spite of their failings.

But on with the story.

*********************************

"Well, after I read the letter, I finally understood what had happened to my mother and father. It was tragic but it at least made sense to me now. At the time, mom was right: I wouldn't have understood. Now as I read the letter again I understood why they had done what they did but I still couldn't forgive them for leaving me behind. Those feelings might fade but not yet. But now, I was eighteen and on my own and I used the trust fund mom and dad had set up for me years ago to go to college. I finally graduated with a degree in Chemical Engineering and I went to work for a big oil company and got to see a whole lot of the world. It was a great experience but I wanted to settle down in the states and make my way in this big world."

**********************************

"You know Bill, I want to tell you the rest of this story but right now, I feel like hell and I need to lie down and sleep. I am really beat and I haven't eaten or slept now for two days and I need to just crash. I'll go out in the car and try to sleep for a few hours and then if you're still here, I'll finish. That work for you?"

"Sure, but I think you need to come home with me and sleep in a bed instead of your car. I have a spare bedroom and no one's used it for years. My kids don't visit much any more since my wife died so it's just me. Come on now. Let's get some food in you and then some sleep."

With that, Bill helped me up and we walked out of the bar and down the quiet street toward his house. I don't remember much about the trip except that it didn't take much time and before I knew it I was sitting at his kitchen table with a cup of coffee and a sandwich of ham and cheese. I did put the sandwich away and the coffee too but I was almost out on my feet so Bill helped me down to a neat little room with a double bed and a calico cover. It looked like heaven to me so I flopped down on it and was asleep before I stopped bouncing. I never felt Bill slip off my shoes and jacket. I was dead to the world.

Bill Austin

After eating the sandwich I prepared for him, Ben was almost dead on his feet. He was wobbling in his chair so I pulled him up. I just barely got him to bed before he passed out. He was truly dead to the world. I looked at him sleeping there and realized that this man was really hurting. He had told me part of his story and I believed that I knew what was coming. And if what I suspected was true, Ben was in for a rough time.

I happened to know this because I had been a practicing psychologist for the past thirty years. I knew people and I had a God given gift of empathy allowing me to help hundreds of them during my time. I hadn't practiced now for over two years, since Mary, my wife, got sick. I couldn't help others when I was hurting so badly myself. But Mary was dead and I had little to interest me anymore.

Ben interested me, however. He sounded like a decent man who had been hurt terribly and was struggling with the emotions that were tearing at him. His past was directing him toward seriously hurting himself or someone else but his innate decency seemed to be pushing him the other direction. He was emotionally tearing himself apart.

I slipped off his shoes and his jacket and pulled a blanket out of the closet. I was ready to put it over him and let him sleep when I made a decision. I reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet. I quickly opened it to find one of those contact cards in case of emergency. It had his wife's name and phone number on it and I copied it down on a note card. I replaced his wallet and covered him with the blanket. I left quietly and shut the blinds. It was just past dinnertime here and it was still light but the blinds made it very dark so he would probably sleep for several hours.

I went down the hall to the little office I still kept in our small home and sat down at my desk. It had been several months since I last came in here. I switched on the library lamp that Mary gave me one Christmas. When it's yellow light played on the desk top, the memories came flooding back and I hesitated for a moment but decided to follow through on my original intent. I used the desk phone that I kept only for my practice which had a blocked call number so no one could use caller ID to get my number. Sometimes a psychiatrist can make some very strange people angry. I called the home number hoping for his wife and heard the phone ring just once when she answered.

"Ben? Ben is that you? Ben talk to me, please!"

"Is this Mrs. Chase? Mrs. Annabeth Chase? Are you Ben Chases' wife?"

"Yes, this is Beth Chase. Who are you and is something wrong with Ben? Has Ben been hurt? Oh, please tell me he is OK."

"My name is Bill and Ben is fine. He's with me right now and he's sleeping. He's had a rough time of it and he needs to sleep now and calm down. He's an emotional wreck."

"No, I have to talk to him. I need to talk to him right now. Please, put him on so that I can talk to him."

"I'm afraid I'm not going to do that. He shouldn't talk to you right now in the mood he's in. He's a very angry and disturbed man and I believe you are the cause of that anger. It would not be good for you to talk to him just now."

"Oh, God. What did he tell you? What did he say? Oh, I need to talk to him and explain to him what he saw. Please, whoever you are, let me talk to him."

"What do you know about his parents? What has he told you? This is very important Mrs. Chase, so I need you to answer me honestly."

I was very concerned about her answer. If she knew of his history and what his parents did and why they did it, then she was guilty of stupidity at the very least and absolute cruelty at the worst. I needed to understand her part in this first before going any further.

"I don't know what you're talking about. Ben's parents died when he was very young and his grandmother raised him. What does that have to do with anything?"

"Did he tell you how they died?"

"No, he just said they died accidentally and he didn't like talking about it. So I never pushed him. So now can I talk to him?"

"Mrs. Chase, I am a professional psychiatrist and I'm going to talk to your husband some more and then I'll decide what to do about you. For now, you have no choice but to trust me. And I would be very sure you think carefully about what you have done to him and what you intend to say to him. He is in a very dangerous mood right now and it is best if he not be anywhere close to you. It is also important that he be watched very carefully especially now."

"I don't understand any of this. I insist that you let me talk to him right now!"

"Goodbye Mrs. Chase. Remember what I said."

With that, I hung up before she could say any more. It seemed that she didn't know of his past and therefore ignorance and infidelity was her only crime. At least to me. In Ben's eyes, she was just like his mother and she had done to him what his mother did to his father. Ben was spinning into the same cycle his father had fallen into and it was a very dangerous time for him.

I went back into the kitchen, fixed myself some dinner and began to work out a plan to deal with Mr. Ben Chase. While I didn't practice anymore, I was not going to let a man so obviously in pain walk away. Not while I had the knowledge and the willingness to help him. Mary would understand.

Annabeth Chase

The phone call had been the final straw. I hung up the dead phone and fell to my knees there in the kitchen and sobbed. I felt like my whole world had come apart. I had been waiting for two days to hear from my Ben and now he wouldn't talk to me, or at least the man named Bill wouldn't let me talk to him. I had made a very bad mistake when I let George Jenkins seduce me at home with his slick talk and his smooth manner. It had been just the one time after he had been after me for all those weeks but it was the one time that Ben came home when he should have been working. He saw me and George together and had run out the door before I could even say his name. That was two days ago and now, Ben was gone and I had no idea where he could be.

The man I spoke to was very mean to me and told me in no uncertain terms that I was the cause of Ben's running away. While I knew that was probably true, he had no right to keep me from talking to him and trying to explain. He warned me that it could be dangerous for me to be around Ben? No! Ben would never hurt me. He loved me, I was positive of that and he would forgive me if I could just talk to him.

I picked myself off the floor and sat down at the kitchen table. I wiped my face where the tears had flowed and made myself settle down. Crying was getting me nowhere. I tried to think of what had gone wrong. I met George at the Manna House where I worked three days a week as a volunteer, helping to man the serving lines at lunch and dinner. He had shown up about five weeks ago and introduced himself to me as George Jenkins, a financial advisor for Walter Johnson Investments downtown. He told me that he wanted to give some of his time to helping others, just like me. He was very sincere and I liked him immediately. I also admit that I found him to be handsome and very sexy. I was attracted to him right from the start and I knew I had flirted with him outrageously. I was a married woman and had no right to be doing it but I convinced myself that it was just harmless fun. George seemed to enjoy the game as well and I began to anticipate the days I worked with him.

My life at home was fine but there were times when Ben spent entirely too much time on the job. Lately, he had been spending most of the week at the site of a new refinery his company was building and Ben had the responsibility of overseeing the installation of the new cracking towers in the petroleum distillation section. This was his design and he was not going to let some other yoyo handle it for him. I understood that but it left me alone an awful lot. That was no excuse but it was certainly a contributing factor. Ben would understand that if I could only talk to him. I knew that he would since he was one of the most understanding and kind men I had ever met. I had to depend on his kindness now and hope for his understanding.

I thought back to the day I met Ben for the first time. I was working as a Realtor for a commercial real estate agency in Mount Lebanon in western Pennsylvania when I received a call from him requesting an agent to show him a site that was zoned industrial. I knew the parcel and told him I would meet him there in half an hour. I thought no more about it until I met him at the site.

My first impression of him was of a man about my age, but so handsome with curly black hair, a well disciplined body and brown eyes that seemed to see right through me. He shook my hand with a firm grip and treated me as an equal right off the bat. I felt my face become flushed as I returned his handshake and looked into those eyes. He didn't seem to notice and simply walked away toward the site. I followed slowly trying to recover my professionalism. I finally caught up to him and the next two hours were spent in a very businesslike manner as we discussed the size and access to the site as well as the zoning requirements and the utility arrangements offered by the city. It was time well spent as he signed an intent to buy letter that afternoon. Since the parcel would sell for well over 4.5 million dollars, I stood to make a very nice piece of change.

When he called my office two weeks later, I answered his questions and made arrangements to have the necessary paperwork done by the following Monday. He was very pleased with everything and just before concluding our business, he asked if I would have dinner with him when he came to sign the papers. Without thinking I agreed. We spoke for a few more minutes but I didn't remember any of the following conversation. My head was still buzzing over the dinner invitation. What had gotten into me? I hardly knew this man and I was going to dinner with him Monday night. But, try as I might, I was more pleased than anything.

That Monday was the beginning of my life as I now knew it. Ben had arrived at the office at 5:00 p.m. sharp and we had gone to the conference room with the other parties and the deal was concluded by 6:15. There were handshakes all around and Ben seemed pleased that everything had gone so smoothly. He asked me if I needed to stay around the office or could we start our evening early. Since I was done for the day, I agreed that we could leave right away. Ben was pleased and told me that we could either go to his hotel and have a drink in the bar before dinner or we could have an early dinner and then take in a movie or something. I chose the bar.

I was still slightly giddy about the bonus I had received with the completion of the sale and I let my inhibitions go and had a mixed drink. I chose a raspberry Daiquiri and I enjoyed it so much I had a second one. Ben stayed with beer but he seemed to enjoy watching me as I sipped the potent drink. He was very eloquent and his conversation had me fascinated as he discussed his travels around the world to most of the oil producing nations. He dazzled me with names and places and stories of some of his more bizarre experiences and I listened intently through it all. We forgot dinner and the drinks were really hitting me hard on an empty stomach.

By 8:30, I was beginning to slur my words so Ben decided that I needed to sober up. Rather than let me stay in the bar, he helped me up and we went up to his room where he called for a pot of coffee from room service. I collapsed gratefully onto the king sized bed and let my eyes drift closed.

Ben gently shook me awake to take some coffee. He made me drink some of the hot liquid and the caffeine began to take effect. I finally came fully awake with the second cup and I was feeling somewhat embarrassed by my actions. Ben , however, thought nothing of it and simply let me wake up completely as he talked. Now that I was fully sober and able to stand by myself, I suggested I leave and allow him to have the rest of his evening. Ben got up and came to me to put his arms around my waist.

"I am very happy to spend the rest of my evening with you right here. If you still want dinner, I can have it sent up from room service. Otherwise, I would just be happy to hold you like this."

"This is fine, just hold me. I'm suddenly not hungry any more."

I was sober enough to realize what was happening and I found myself wanting it to. I looked into those deep, dark eyes and let myself fall into them. I raised my arms and slipped them around his neck as I pressed my cheek to his shoulder. He tightened his grip and pulled me against him as he kissed my hair. I closed my eyes just to enjoy the feel of his tight body and smell the musky scent of him. As he moved his hands up my back and around to cup my breasts, I sighed in pleasure.