Lillith Ch. 01

"Oh, pastor, I know I just felt something on my cheek," she said exasperated.

"We just turned on the air conditioning today, it feels a little chilly, come dear, let me take you to your seat." he grabbed her by the shoulder and led her through glass and wooden doors to a row of wooden benches. She sat down with a confused and blank look on her face.

"Etta, you will be just fine. Today we will pray for your sister and ask the lord to look after her and look after you," he was kneeling at her level and was now holding her hand. She didn't say anything just nodded her head. He got up and walked to the front of the room.

There were several rows of these wooden benches. I have snuck into several buildings that humans came to. Just to find out what was inside of them. They were usually more decorative than this. It was rather plain and there wasn't much to it. The peace was emanating from every corner though. Some people's thoughts were wishing that they didn't want to sit there and hoping that they will be able to doze without notice. Some were praising God. There. There it was again. That name!

I listened to their praise. They said over and over I love you Lord. That is what all of them kept saying in strange unison. When the man got to the front of the room he stood silently at first, waiting for everyone to finish taking their seats. Children were misbehaving in the corner and their mothers were trying to get them to calm down and take their seats as well. He waited patiently as they all finally settled down and looked towards him.

"Today marks a new day as does everyday. Today is a new day. Many of us have guilt. Many of us have this guilt because we cannot forgive ourselves. We do not need to question whether or not God can forgive us. We already know that he will. So, how do we forgive ourselves? How to move forward with God's grace, Jesus' love and the human spirit? " He paused and looked down at the podium and opened his book that was lying on top of it.

"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." He said these words and looked around the room very smug. He seemed to be smug about what he read, not for himself. "Can you believe that? He will forgive you. He will cleanse us. So why keep the guilt? Why let it burn in our souls? Because we are imperfect, we do not fully trust in Him. We do not listen to what Jesus Christ told all of us when he walked the earth. Think about it. Do we live meagerly, are we kind to each other? I am asking you many questions, I know. I want you to think about these questions when you leave here. The world has been at many crossroads in the past. But something strange is happening all around us everyday. We need to forgive ourselves. How is He supposed to forgive us when we cannot even do so. The world needs to be forgiven badly. There are many wrongs going on, we are constantly angry with people thousands of miles away. We are angry at our next door neighbors for their loud music six months ago. We are angry at ourselves for yelling at our children a little too loud yesterday. There is non forgiveness all around us. Let it go. Just forget about it. Then what? You will be free. You will be free of your own anger, you will be free of your own guilt. Does that mean you did not learn? Does that mean that it will be repeated? Absolutely NOT! You have faith in the Lord to guide you in the right direction. You have faith in the Lord that he will cleanse you of that sin. So never, ever be afraid to forgive yourself or others. You cannot move forward with your happy life unless you do both."

He was full of pride for his words. I attempted to read his thoughts but it was closed tight. I wanted to speak to him. I wanted to have many thoughtful conversations. Spellbound I walked towards him. He was speaking more, speaking about the book he had in his hand. I heard none of it. I could only see him, everything else around him was blackening and a tingling started filing up my arms and legs. I knew I was going to pass out again. I welcomed it this time and let it take me over.