Love Me Tender - Please Pt. 05

"Mom? Are you all right? You sound funny," Melody's voice came out of the radio speaker.

"Oh, hi sweetheart. I'm fine. Why are you using your dad's phone?" she asked and got control of her voice again. "I was startled when my phone rang and I swerved a little, that's all. How are you?"

"Mine's on the charger and I wanted him to know your new number if he needed it. I'm excited about seeing you. When are you coming?"

"I'll be there in a few hours. I decided to drive up early. I have some shopping to do and maybe we can meet for lunch on Thursday. OK?"

"Sure, I'd like that. What are you buying me?"

"Ha, ha. You got your present for this year and for several years to come."

"Ha, ha back to you. Don't forget, I'll have tuition next year too. I have to pick up some stuff for the graduation party so maybe you can go shopping with me. It'll be fun. Like old times."

"I'd like that," Kari said and wiped the mist from her eyes with the backs of her fingers.

"Uh, are you going to sit with dad and me at the graduation ceremony?"

"I don't know if that would be OK with your father," Kari responded.

"He has a name, mother. You can call him Ray or even ‘him' instead of referring to him as ‘your father' all of the time."

"I know, but it's just hard to do after so long. Has he said anything? I mean, about me coming and all?"

"He seemed happy you were coming. I don't know if it is because of Brian or because he is looking forward to seeing you."

"I doubt he is looking forward to seeing me. How do you think Brian is going to react? Maybe he doesn't want me to come."

"Brian will be glad to see you. He pretends that he's forgotten you but he hasn't. He still keeps that stupid picture of you and him at the beach in his room. He's trying to be macho and not let dad down, that's all."

"I'm trying not to get my hopes up too high for either of them. I don't want to be too disappointed, you know."

"Everything'll be OK. I promise you. Where will you stay?"

"I've got reservations at the Doubletree downtown. Why?"

"Just wondering. Fancy place you're staying at. Expecting to impress a young stud and take him back to your plush room to get laid?"

"Melody!" she exclaimed. "Watch your mouth. Remember who you're talking to."

"Yes, mother," she laughed. "Had any good lovers lately or are you good and horny? Maybe dad will get lucky, huh?"

"OK, that's it. I'm hanging up. You're being a brat and leave your father out of this. He doesn't want me anymore."

Melody's voice took on a serious tone.

"He doesn't want Karen Royals, but maybe Kari Keeler has a chance? Bye, bye. Drive carefully, I'll see you later."

"Fat chance!" Kari said and pushed the button to hang up. "Kari or Karen doesn't matter to him. I'm still the woman who fucked up their marriage."

The sound of Ray's ringtone playing in the hotel that night in Vegas came back into her thoughts. It was a fleeting moment of clarity in her muddled state. She wanted to talk to him, to explain what had happened, to tell him she was sorry for what she was doing but Montrell hung up on him. Looking back on it, she could see that it was for the best that she did not talk to him that night.

As hard as she tried to avoid them, bits and pieces of what happened that night with Montrell kept intruding.

"Why now?" she asked herself. "I know I have to live with what I did and I have to face my past life but why on I-65 in, of all places, Alabama?"

Replaying the scene in her mind, she remembered that it had not ended on the happy note that she had first fixed in her memory. He had hurt her and when he was finished with her, he threw her out.

She remembered she pretended it was OK because she still had a hope for that teaching job he talked about. Now, she admitted that it was all bullshit to get her to go to bed with him. Coming across Robyn in the hallway outside of his door was a humiliating surprise. She knew that her makeup was smeared all over her face and she was sure there were still traces of his semen on her neck and chest.

Embarrassed at her appearance, she mumbled something and hurried past her to the elevator and down to her room. She saw Robyn again on Sunday before she left but she never mentioned anything about seeing her and she did not know if she had told anyone else about it.

The Low Fuel alarm chimed and she left the Interstate at the next exit for a fast food hamburger, gas and a pee.

Corey's words came back to her, "The longer you're sober the more of your ‘memory bubbles' will break. You'll find that you will come face-to-face with some of your most exciting moments as well as some of your most degrading ones. The secret is to see them for what they are. They are moments influenced by your drugs and alcohol. They will be a reminder of what you were like while you were using. Use them only as a reminder and remember to not dwell on them nor act on them. They are a glimpse into your past, not your future."

It was hot and humid on the patio of the combination gas station/restaurant. The umbrella shielding the table from the hot sun did not shield her from the humidity that was causing her clothes to stick to her sweaty skin.

Looking around for a trashcan she spotted a young, twenty-something, man heading for her table. He was carrying a bag of food and a cup of soda. He had a big smile on his face and he was getting ready to charm her pants off of her.

"Hey, sugah!" he said. "Mind if I sit here by the pretty lady?"

Plopping himself down without waiting for her reply, he tore open the bag and gesturing towards it, he offered, "Want some fries?"

"Uh, no thanks," she replied and got up from the bench.

"Where you goin', sugah?" he asked. "What's your hurry?"

"I'm going home," she replied and left him sitting alone.

Merging back onto the Interstate, Kari shook her head and laughed out loud.

"Sugah, indeed. I'm old enough to be his mother," she said dismissively but inside she again harbored a little sense of satisfaction that she was still hot enough to attract men.

It was almost eleven o'clock that evening when Kari finally pulled into the reception area of the Doubletree Hotel. A valet unloaded her bags and took her car away while she went in and registered. She was expected and a bellhop was entering her room with her bags just as she got there.

He laughed at her one-handed fumbling with her purse to give him a tip. He offered to hold the warm, chocolate chip cookie that the hotel traditionally gave to its guests upon their arrival. Feeling generous, she handed him a ten-dollar bill and he bowed himself out of the door.

Tired from the long drive, she stripped off her clothes and was asleep almost before her head hit the pillow.

The sound of her cell phone woke her the next morning. She was having trouble seeing the caller ID and she was relieved to hear Melody's voice when she answered.

"Good-morning, mom," her cheerful voice said in her ear. "Sleep well?"

"Yes, what time is it?" she asked and turned to squint at the bedside clock.

"It's almost nine o'clock," Melody responded. "Are you just waking up? What happened? Did you find a stud and he kept you up all night?"

"Melody, stop that. It's not funny. I haven't been with a man in two years. Why am I telling you this? Forget I said that. It's none of your business."

"Two years? My God! You must be a virgin again unless you're using Plastic Man. Remember, if you don't use it, you lose it."

"All right, young lady, that is entirely enough on that subject! What do you want?"

"What time do you want to meet? I have to go into dad's work for a little while in the morning. He got me a job running blueprints when I'm home from school and I hope to get some real architect experience this summer. How about we meet at about two o'clock for a late lunch? You pick the place."

"That sounds like a good idea. I like the River House, I'll see you there."

Chapter 57

"It's been a long two years," she reminded herself and took another sip of her iced tea.

"Hey, mom!" Melody's voice cut through her reverie.

"My God, it's so good to see you again," Kari, said. "You look wonderful."

"So do you, mom! So do you! You are gorgeous!"

Tears were blurring Kari's vision.

"Thanks, sweetheart. I missed you."

They hugged each other and exchanged more kisses before sitting down at the table. The waitress came right over and brought another sweet, iced tea without being asked. After ordering their lunch, they talked about the upcoming graduation and who was coming to the party afterward at Ray's house. It sounded funny calling it "Ray's house" but he had bought her out as part of the divorce settlement and it was no longer hers.

After they finished lunch, they shared a piece of pecan pie with a side dish of ice cream that melted so quickly they were eating ice cream soup. They laughed so hard that Kari thought she was going to pee her pants. The thought sent Melody off on another round of laughter that had people looking at them.

"It's OK," Melody said between her hiccups from laughing. "They'll think it's just sweat coming through the seat of the chair. Does pee rust cast iron?"

Hanging on to each other they paid the waitress and laughed their way through the restaurant and out to Melody's car.

"Like my new car?" she asked with more laughter. "Some old lady bought it for me. I'll have to thank her some day."

"Just graduate with honors and the old lady will consider that to be thanks enough."

"Before you start driving, I have something to say to you," Kari said and touched Melody's arm.

"Sure, mom. What?"

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you for the last two years. I only wish I could take it all back but I can't and I have to move forward. I'll try and make it up to you for the rest of my life. Please accept my apology and my continuing amends for the harm that I have caused you and our family."

"Oh, mom," Melody sobbed and leaning over the center console, she hugged her mother. "You don't have to apologize and you don't have to make any ‘amends', as you call them. Just seeing you well and happy is enough for me. Now let's do some power shopping. I know a neat shoe store that has the sexiest shoes you ever saw."

Kari sat back and admired this grown woman sitting next to her as they drove through Savannah's traffic. She was glad that Melody had chosen to stay in contact with her and kept them close. Closer than Kari thought they ever could be after what happened.

"Closer than I deserve," she murmured along with a silent prayer of thanks.

"What, mom?" Melody asked and glanced towards her. "What did you say?"

"I said, I'm happy and grateful that you are my daughter," she answered and squeezed Melody's forearm.

"Uh, mom?"

"What honey?"

"Why don't you come over to the house tonight? Brian has graduation rehearsal and then we're going to order pizza. It'll be like old times. OK?"

"Oh, I don't think so, honey. I don't think your father, I mean Ray, would like me interfering in a family evening. No, I couldn't."

"Mom, you would not be interfering. You are family. You're our mother, remember?"

"I'm your mother but I'm not your father's wife anymore. Thanks, but I don't think it will work."

"I'm going to ask dad, OK? If he says it's OK will you come?"

"I don't know, honey. I'm afraid it will be awkward and I don't want to screw up another graduation. Remember what I did to yours?"

"You won't screw anything up mother. You're not like that anymore. Please? Let me ask him?"

"All right, but only if you don't tell him that you already talked to me about it. I don't want him to feel obligated or pressured in any way. Do you understand what I mean?"

"Great! I'll call him as soon as we park."

Kari had her doubts about the whole thing. She would like to see Ray and Brian before the graduation. She wanted to be sure that there were no signs of rejection of her on their part. If she made them uncomfortable or if she did not feel welcome at the ceremony, she was prepared to make a graceful exit and skip the party. She knew she had to talk with Ray at some point. He was at the top of her amends list, but she had planned on doing that at another time.

After Melody parked the car, Kari got out and strolled towards the mall entrance while Melody made her telephone call to Ray. She was sure he would not want to go along with it and she did not want to be there when he rejected the idea. She was not sure that it was a good idea anyway but she went along with it to please Melody.

"My naïve, romantic child," she said aloud and startled a passerby who overheard her. "I love you."

She watched as Melody got out of her car and began walking towards her. She tried to read her face but she could not tell from her expression what he had said. Melody got to within ten feet of her when Kari felt her cell phone vibrating on her waist. Before she could get it out the sounds of Elvis' "Love Me Tender" started playing.

Melody was close enough to hear it and she broke out into a big grin.

"Better answer that, mother. It may be important," she said sarcastically.

"Hello … Oh, hi Ray, how are you … It's good to hear your voice too … tonight, I'd love to if that wouldn't be any trouble. I'd like to see Brian, and you, of course … seven o'clock is fine with me ... yes, I still like it with extra-cheese and pepperoni … no, no beer or anything … I don't drink anymore … thank you, soda will be fine … yes, me too, I'm looking forward to it … see you tonight."

"You kept his ringtone on your cell phone all of this time?"

"I guess I forgot to take it off," she lied.

"Yeah, sure! That's not the same phone you used to have. You transferred it to your new phone didn't you?"

"Yes, I admit it. Now let's do some shopping."

"That wasn't so hard, was it? Melody asked and linking her arm with her mother's she walked alongside of her into the mall.

Kari could not keep her mind on shopping. She enjoyed spending time with Melody but her thoughts kept drifting to what would happen that evening. She was projecting the entire scenario in her head including writing a script for what each of them would say.

"Stop it!" she muttered, loud enough for Melody to hear.

"Stop what?" Melody looked at her in puzzlement.

"Oh, nothing. I'm just thinking about something, that's all."

"Tonight?"

"Yes, tonight. You don't know how hard this is for me. I'm inserting myself back into what could turn out to be a very embarrassing and uncomfortable situation."

"Everything will be OK. Now stop worrying," Melody said and pulled her mother into her arms to give her a hug. "It'll be fine."

"You don't understand. I'm the one who wronged our family. I'm the one who destroyed what we had and I don't know what is going to happen when we meet again. It's one thing to talk on the phone but it's quite another when I have to come face-to-face with your father, Ray, I mean, and Brian. That moment may change everything and I'll be devastated."

"Mom! It'll be alright."

"I'm sorry, honey. I want to go back to the hotel. I have to wash my hair and decide what I'm going to wear tonight. Please, take me back?"

"OK, but you're making a big thing out of nothing. Wear what you're wearing now. If you really want to make it exciting wear a pair of short, shorts and a halter top."

"You are making more of this than you should. I don't think there is a chance in hell of your father ever forgiving me or ever wanting to spend any more time with me than he has to. Now let's go. Please?"

Melody dropped Kari off at her hotel and promised to be at the house when she got there. Kari was terrified that she would find herself alone with Ray or Brian and she needed support.

Once in the hotel, Kari called Corey, her AA sponsor back in Corpus, and talked to her for a nearly a half-hour. She told her what was going on and how afraid she was of what was going to happen that evening. As expected, her sponsor told her that she was projecting the worst possible scenario and to stop and think of how far she had come in the last two years.

Corey reminded her, "You are perfectly capable of handling yourself without the aid of alcohol or drugs. Now, some people have to work for a living and one of them is me. You'll be fine and I've got to get back to work. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

Kari felt better after talking to her and took a long shower and washed her hair. Deciding she needed a nap, she wrapped her wet hair in a towel and covered in a hotel robe, she fell asleep across the bed.

Ray was having trouble concentrating on his work. He was in no better emotional shape than Kari. He, too, was projecting what would happen when they met and his anxiety level was at the top of the chart.

Despite what his actions had been in the past, Ray was always suspicious that Brian played the macho game with respect to his mother. He hoped that he was right and that he would be happy to see her again. Melody had told him that he often asked her how his mother was doing.

Ray was glad that Melody had enough sense to set the evening meeting up. His fear was of the emotions that might flare up when he saw his ex-wife for the first time in two years.

Chapter 58

Kari was floundering around on the bed and Montrell was holding her down while Sean kept trying to penetrate her rectum. It was hurting her and she was yelling for Ray but he was not there even though she could hear him singing, "Love me Tender."

They were pouring cocaine on her face and she was holding her breath so she would not get any up her nose. All she could see was the white powder sifting down on her. Her arm hurt and she woke up to find that the big collar on the white robe was covering her face and her forearm was hurting like hell.

Sliding the sleeve of the robe up her arm, she looked at the red mark on it. It must have come from hitting it on the bedside table during her nightmare. She lay there and shivered as she remembered the dream she was having. She knew where its roots lay and she tried not to let the thoughts consume her but her mind would not stop running.

That night in Vegas had been both the most exciting and the worst night of her life. The alcohol, cocaine, and whatever other drugs Montrell gave her had put her off in another universe. She remembered the fabulous high that enveloped her each time she snorted the powder. Her head felt like it was about to explode as every nerve ending in her body came alive and demanded immediate and unending stimulation.

She wanted to feel the exquisiteness of continuous sexual orgasms with each one pushing her higher than the last. Montrell became her God, her protector, and the man who provided the powerful catalyst that sent her into paradise. She remembered reaching out to him, offering her body as a slut would offer herself to anyone who paid her. She was a prostitute who gave of her body in exchange for validation, praise, pleasure and drugs.

She knew that each of her trips into that rapturous universe would quickly end and she would come crashing back down to reality. She did not worry because she knew that there was more of Montrell's magic at hand to once more send her back up through the heavens where more pleasure awaited.

Sean's appearance in the hotel room made her trip back to reality more painful than any of her previous ones. He had hurt her when he penetrated her rectum and she bled for hours afterward. She remembered the laughter and derision with which they treated her. She was "just a fuck" and she knew that is how they defined her. She was not the professional that they admired and praised. She was "just a fuck!"

As her counselor helped her analyze those two nights in that hotel room, she suddenly reached an epiphany. There was no love or affection in their couplings, they were "just a fuck" to her as much as she was to them.