All Comments on 'Meeting My Best Friend Down Under Ch. 02'

please

I have been anxiously awaiting more of your amazing story! I can't wait to continue reading!

Mmm a lot more sex than the first part of this story. Alright, I missed a few critiques on the comment I posted on that first part: some parts were a bit choppy and short- a bit more fluity could be even better. Now this goes for both parts: love the title- witty(: okay, onto part two. This time, you got a bit sloppy. Although I didn't see many grammatical errors (missing comma somewhere), I did find several spelling ones, like "dinner" (instead of "diner"), "sight" (instead of "site"), and "word" (I'm sure just a typo or stupid mistake, b/c you put "work" instead. Heh). And there were some parts when the repititiveness annoyed me (ex. "nipped and sucked" used twice in 2 consecutive sentences! <- and that one could be easily shortened). Also, the dialogue was a bit unrealistic at parts. Best friends don't usually say "that smells wonderful" in everyday speech- it's usually more like "smells awesome, dude" (for example, but you never know :P). When the guys first brought Lillian to the house, they didn't immediately give her a mini-tour, like most ppl would when inviting a guest to their homes. It was after dinner when she got to see that other room they use for dancing, which I found weird. The sex scene was so very hot, especially between the guys. Because I'm straight, however, I would like it even more if there was more two-on-one action on just Lillian. For example, it would be sexy as fuck for one guy to be fucking her pussy while the other sucked on her clitoris and fondled her boobs. But since the guys ARE going out and "in love," I guess it makes sense. And I'm sure the many gay and bi readers would enjoy the hell out of it. Lastly, it's definitely unusual for two gay guys who are in love with each other to have a threesome with a mutual best friend on their first meeting. <- Whew! A lot going on in that sentence (and therefore in your story). I felt you should have included a bit more confusion within the characters' minds, especially about GAY guys wanting sex from a GIRL (contradiction by definition). And the no-condom thing is a bit worrysome (maybe mention a continuous on-the-pill regimen for Lillian to keep her periods on the DL? <- heh. Down Low = Australia. Get it? ;P okay, lame joke aside..:), but this is Literotica, so we'll let this pass (; Any way, as mentioned before, I know this is your story, and any critique is only meant to make it even better (or just to share my uninteresting opinions:P). You did an awesome job. I noticed that you didn't put a "to be continued," however. Does that mean there won't be a part two? :( disappointing, but understandable. I would love to read more of this set-up: just putting it out there.

20 :D's / 23 :D's

Hope I get to read more (esp towards Lillian's pleasure)!

- love LaLaLadidahGirl <3

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