Memoirs of a Dreamer Ch. 02

Over the past few weeks, she had slipped into a submissive frame of mind, enjoying the freedom and joy of not having to take charge, command, or control. Controlling her own life was one thing, but to have to manage and control another's was something she desperately wanted to be free from. Her children were all grown, she should be free, but she wasn't. She knew her children would always need her, but coping alone was wearing her down. The strength she needed to manage alone pushed her to be hard and cold, something she was trying with all her might not to become. Mothers should be nurturing, but her daughter refused to be nurtured, instead forcing her to submit or be dominant. She could not, would not submit to her daughter for that would not be in her daughter's best interest. However, she did not want to be dominant either. The same catch-22 she had been dealing with all her life, one she thought she was finally free from, but apparently not yet.

Shortly after she arrived home that night, her Lord came online and asked about her day. She shared her news with Him. When she was done, He told her He had received and read her letter. He asked her a few questions. As they talked her nature waged an internal battle, so, she did not realize at first that her responses and tone were not what they should have been with her Lord. He took her to task. As He questioned her and pushed her for answers, she struggled to maintain her temper and not fly out of control. She knew He was not the one she was really angry with, and that He deserved better from her.

Then some of His questions pierced her and she knew, she could not please Him, not tonight, and she feared that should they continue she would drive Him away or lose Him. She wanted to walk away until her control returned, but did not know how to tell Him. She knew her temper, and in her current frame of mind, knew that should He continue to push her, she would explode. Knowing this she fought furiously to keep her temper and calm down. Finally, she could take no more and told Him, "Sir, I can't do this. I can't be strong one minute and not the next. I am not used to switching that quickly, or even at all."

"So you are telling me that this is not working for you and we must change things."

"I don't know what I am saying. I just know how I feel."

"Know this, I will not leave you if you cannot do this. We will just do things differently. But I want to know how you feel about this D/s issue before you go further with it or go to someone new. For I believe it would break you."

"I don't break that easily Sir. How do you be in control and not at the same time?"

There are many types of control and ways to control. They discussed each one, controlling one's life and/or another's life, trying to control things before they happen and after they happen. As they talked, He asked her to turn the cam on, and when she did, He remarked that she did not appear happy. She agreed and He asked her if He had just got her thinking again or was she mad at Him. She told Him she was thinking and He asked what she had determined. She was not sure what He was inquiring about so asked for clarification. Once she had it, realized what He wanted to know, she told Him she had not even been thinking about that. He asked her if she had discovered another limit, told her, "You will not be humiliated."

"Sir I have been humiliated before, I don't break. I fight back, that is ingrained in me."

"Yes you have, but you do not like it now do you, and never want it to happen again."

"No, I don't want it to happen again, and I will do what I can to prevent it, but it will happen, and I will survive Sir."

Admitting that He had been testing her limits, he told her that had he put it differently, asked her, she probably would have agreed. He said that he wanted to find her limit and they had found one. Thinking carefully, she agreed that had been found to some extent, but qualified her answer with an explanation that had what happened with her daughter not happened, her reactions would have been different. They continued discussing the issue and used 'what ifs' to explore other reactions.

Then He told her that He had picked this moment to push her because of her frame of mind, to teach her something about herself. Finally, she agreed that they had found a limit. At this time, she could and would be submissive sexually, but could not be so in everyday life, not easily. He asked her if she was still upset or would she be okay. She grinned and told she was fine. They talked more about what she had learned She admitted to not expecting Him to do what He did, though she was getting used to being taken by surprise. He promised her that she would never know, He would continue to test and teach and she would never know what to expect or when. She laughed and agreed that it was probably true, but she would still try to learn when and what to expect. He asked how she was feeling and she smiled and told him very relaxed.

Once again, He surprised her, commanding her to touch, telling her to first rub then lick and suck her nipple. He kept encouraging her, telling her not to stop, imagine it was Him. After what seemed to her a long time, He told her to stop, asked how she was feeling. The cam was on and she knew that He knew, but He asked, so she answered, "Hot Sir."

"Would you like me to do that to you?"

"Oh god yes Sir!"

"I know what the first thing is I am going to do to you when we meet."

"What Sir?"

"If I tell you it won't be a surprise now will it?"

"No Sir."

"But I can bet you will never figure it out."

"No bet Sir… I like surprises sometimes." She grinned.

"We will see. I should spank your ass for all the times you have not done what you were told and your pussy. Then rub it down with ice."

Grinning, moisture seeping between her legs she replied, "I might like it Sir."

"Maybe the first two whacks, but not when they get harder." She squirmed, grinned and laughed.

"True Sir… You have a point… have never really been spanked."

"Hmmm… We will see. Maybe I just won't let you cum, until right before I leave, and only one time."

"Oh god, please… don't do that Sir," she groaned and pleaded.

Then He asked her a question, changing the subject. Blushing she answered the question. Then He wanted to know how she was doing on the daily tasks He had given her to do. She was honest and admitted that some were going easier than others. She waited for Him to fuss at her, and waited in vain. Instead, He told her he wanted her to do something and asked if she could. She told Him she wanted to find a way to do it and would do anything to make it happen. They discussed her training and He shared with her one of His goals. She grinned when she heard it, for it would be for her, a first, but she trusted her Lord and knew if she did her part in the training, He would make it happen.

Then, He gave her the bad news that they would not be playing instead she was to wait. Next, He gave her permission to play on her own, but no playmates, no computer, no phone. When she had agreed and thanked Him, He told her when and how she was to play. She knew then that He punishing her, that He was not letting her slide for not keeping up with her tasks. He asked her how she liked her punishment and she told Him she was not sure.

At first she was tickled, but the more she thought about it, she soon realized that this was one punishment that though she would enjoy, she might also never complete. His instructions were very specific. Her mind whirled as she struggled to figure out how to do as she was instructed. Her Lord was going to be gone for two days. While He was gone, she was to play fifteen times, for at least twenty minutes each time. She was also to keep a log with dates and times. There were only a couple of hours to this day, and the next two were workdays. After fifteen hours for travel and work, four to five hours for sleep, she would only have about 4 hours each day to play as well as do her other tasks and her normal everyday chores and duties, five hours of play time to squeeze into ten hours. If she played longer, she would have less time to complete her punishment. She had no idea when on the third day He would return.

The two days passed swiftly and she managed to get some playtime in, but not enough. She soon realized she very well might not complete this task. Moreover, it dawned on her that should she complete it, she would be sore. She had never played this much at one time before, and while she was used to long sessions, in the past she had been able to peak as often as she needed to, but this time, she could only cum once, not once each time, but once during all fifteen times. She soon realized this was more than just punishment it was training and torture. All the other guys she played with wanted her to peak, enjoyed her orgasms, but her Lord was different. With Him, she was not always allowed to cum, and only once or twice was she allowed to peak more than once. She was learning the sweet agony of being teased and held back, not to mention using certain muscles much more than they were used to being used.

The end of the week arrived, two days later, and she missed her quota. Expecting to be reprimanded, she was surprised when her Lord just questioned her then let it go. She was instructed to turn the cam on, and as their talk progressed, He had her play. Even after the past two days, she was wet and eager to please her Lord. As they talked and played, she found herself begging and pleading for release. He kept her teetering on the edge for what seemed to her to be forever, though she knew it was not. Just when she thought she could take no more, she was commanded to cum. Biting her lip to keep from screaming she complied. Her Lord encouraged her, talking her over the edge and holding her there, and just as she began to come down, He commanded her to cum again. Spasms ripped through her body as once more she peaked harder than before. His praise as she gentled down, was music to her heart.

The heat was slow leaving her, and when her Lord had to sign off, she put it to use. She had already decided to share one more story with Him, and knew now would be a good time for her to write. She settled down before the keyboard and began remembering, drifting back to her first love, first time.

First Time – Liking it Rough

Arriving home, head spinning, she knew tonight was going to be different. She might be young, but she knew what she liked sexually, what pleased her. Tonight would be different, she was riding high and so aroused she knew it would take more than his usual tender loving to fulfill the desires flooding her sweet young body. Once they were inside and had locked the door, she went about finding every candle she could and placing each one in their room, lighting them and filling the room with a soft glow. He settled against the pillows and watched her, grinning as she moved about, the radiant glow from the candles playing along her golden silken flesh. Even though she moved with determination and economy, her movements were still enticing and sensual. He ached to hold her, love her. When she had all the candles lit, he patted the place at his side, beckoning her to join him.

Moving to stand at his feet, she paused, and slowly began to undress, swaying to the music he had turned on. His eyes darkened with passion; usually he was the one to undress her, when and as he pleased. He was puzzled but willing to play along. As each piece of clothing came off, he began to move, squirm just a bit, his hands clutching pillows and sheets tightly as he struggled to wait. Her eyes gleamed as she saw the effect she was having on him, and as he grew harder, she slowed the speed at which the clothing was coming off. When everything was removed, she moved to his side and kissed him lightly, her fingers finding the buttons on his shirt and undoing them.

As each button came free, she kissed, teased, and tickled the salty flesh that was uncovered. He groaned and reached for her, running his fingers through her soft satiny hair, pulling her hot eager mouth harder against his warm flesh. As the last of the buttons was undone and he arched up to slip the shirt off, her lips found his swollen nipples, biting and licking. She left him to manage the shirt knowing it would give her more time to bite and tease. His breath was coming quicker and harder, as he struggled to be free of the shirt so he might hold her.

When the shirt was in his hand and being tossed aside, she moved down and away from his reach. Untying his shoes and removing each one, then the socks, she rubbed and caressed each foot. Grinning, she watched him from beneath lowered lashes, as he reached for and undid his jeans and began sliding them down. As he sat up to slide them past his thighs, she leaned forward and took his hard shaft into her hot hungry mouth. He groaned and arched up thrusting deeper into her waiting throat, pants forgotten as he reached out to frame her face with his long fingers. Stroking her cheeks, fingertips playing over her ears, he continued to squirm and thrust into her greedy mouth. Her soft lips circled him tightly as she flicked and lashed his hardness with her tongue. Soon she could taste his arousal, salty, hot, creamy and so sweet. She swallowed him deeply three times sucking and licking hard, then released him and pushed him back.

As he fell back onto the pillows, she slid his pants completely off. She began licking and nibbling on his thighs stopping only to flick her tongue across the head of his hard cock each time a drop of sweet cream oozed out. Soon he was dripping continually and she sucked just the tip sweetly, drinking him up. When he realized what she was doing, and that she was not stopping, he reached down and pulled her up beside him, taking her mouth with a hot deep kiss. She knew for the moment she had lost control, but she was patient and the night was young. When his kisses became teasing and gentle, she pushed him over and began biting and nibbling his shoulders and neck, letting her finger tease and tweak his nipples.

Before long he was squirming again, his hands stroking at first softly then fiercely over her body. He was rolling one of her nipples between her fingers when she bit him hard on the shoulder, reacting to her bite, he squeezed her nipple hard, eliciting a deep loud moan from her throat. She bit him again, as his other hand reached for her, grasping her other nipple. When he continued to be gentle with her, she bit him again, harder, and again he reacted by pinching her nipples hard. Again, she moaned, and squirmed slightly. Those two moans were the only sounds she had made since they got home. She kissed him deeply, biting and nibbling on his lips and tongue, as his fingers gently caressed her, his groans the only sound besides music to fill the room.

Gently he tried to roll her over, but she resisted. Wanting to hear her sweet music, he tried again but soon realized if he persisted, he might hurt her. He struggled to think as her mouth and fingers teased him. As she bit him again and in reflex, he squeezed her nipple hard, her moans filled the room and he knew. His caresses became rougher and she gentled hers, as her moans and cries began to fill the room. Finally, he had his music and he could feel her relaxing within his hands. Again, he tried to roll her over, and this time succeeded. Pleased, he began kissing her sweet tender body. Each time his touch gentled she would grow quiet. Aching to hear her cries and pleas, he quickly realized what he must do to get them. He began nipping her soft flesh, squeezing and pinching.

The rougher he got, the more she squirmed. Soon he had her pinned beneath his hard body. He worked his mouth down with excruciating slowness over her neck and shoulders, easing his way down to her luscious breasts. Her swollen nipples beckoned and he latched on with teeth and lips. She bucked hard under him, crying out loudly. As he struggled to hold her down, he realized she was stronger than he thought. He teased and tasted her long and hard, and when she struggled to push him away, he pinned her hands beneath her back, causing her to arch up deeper into his hot mouth. He devoured her swollen breasts slowly but thoroughly. Soon her musky scent became more than he could take, he had to taste her, drink her sweet honey.

Keeping her hands pinned, he moved down, forcing her to arch up to his waiting mouth. Her legs parted as he moved his weight off of them, opening for his hungry mouth. The music in the background softly accompanied her louder cries and moans. He was in heaven and she was his angel. As his lips gently nuzzled her moist thighs, she grew quiet and still, her only movement the quivers rippling through her body. He looked up at her glowing face, saw her eyes closed, lips parted in gentle breath. As she swallowed softly, his eyes never leaving her face, he nipped her inner thigh with his teeth. She jumped and gasped, crying out, intense pleasure flitting across her face.

Biting, nibbling, sucking hard, he lavished rough tender affections on her inner thighs and hips. Reveling in the way she opened up for him, writhing beneath his mouth, enticing him with her succulent, juicy pussy. His tongue darted out and lapped the sweet cream from her glistening lips. She sighed and arched up, needing more. He continued to tease her with his tongue, until her lips opened and revealed her swollen throbbing nub. He flicked his tongue across her clit and she squealed. He grinned as he thought he had her right where he wanted her.

Delving deep between her swollen lips, he circled and teased her aching clit. Licking the moisture from tip to base, then diving deep to drink, he felt her squirming as the heat between her slender legs grew. She whimpered, aching for more, and as he tenderly, gently stroked her, her movements slowed. Growling he nipped her on the thigh, she jumped and gasped, juices flooding the tongue he quickly returned to her depths. Groaning low, she reached out and pulled him closer, harder against her aching pussy. He raked his teeth gently over her clit and she gushed, crying out loudly.

Realizing she wasn't ready yet for his gentleness, he growled again and began nipping and licking. Devouring, tenderly chewing and biting then licking soft and gently, he teased her. The music he loved so much to hear varied tonight, from whimpers and pleas to moans and gasps with a few squeals every now and then when he surprised her. He was determined to make her sing a long time tonight. As shudders ripped through her body, he sucked her tender clit deep into his mouth holding it there gently with his teeth. He whipped it furiously with his tongue, biting harder as she began to struggle in earnest.

Screaming, she begged and pleaded for him to stop. He did, briefly, to drink from her deeply, then returned to torture her more with his energetic tongue. She became so sensitive that just his breath would make her jump and buck. He chuckled and added teasing breaths to his technique. She fought furiously to get free from his ravishing mouth, but he was stronger and bigger. He pinned her, held her down, and continued. Her screams became impassioned cries and tears streaked her cheeks, but he knew from the honey sliding down his throat that she was not hurting, only feeling exquisite, intense pleasure. When she began gasping for breath, he claimed her highly sensitive clit once more, biting and whipping it until she took a deep breath and never released it, only then did he light stroke her with his tongue and release her.

Gazing at her in wonder, he softly stroked his hands down her body, coaxing her to breathe. He could feel every inch of her, quivering, trembling beneath his fingertips. He sent butterfly kisses winging across her breasts, as they began to rise and fall again with breath. Then he wrapped her tightly in his arms and slid deep inside her, thrusting slow but deep. She moaned and soaked his aching cock with her juices. Slowly as he stroked long and deep, she came back from the heavens, nails raking his shoulders as his swollen length invaded and opened her wider than before. Sighing, she stretched, arched up, aching with a different need now, the need to be filled, taken. She wrapped her legs around him and teased his chest with her nails.