by execuwriter
Hm...there are a few things that I was hoping for in this piece that I didn't get and a lot of something I was hoping wouldn't be there. Dialogue. There's too much of it. There's a lot of it that isn't quite needed. I liked your writing style and the way you painted a picture of the characters and that you left the environment kind of up to the imagination. Erotica is for the characters, anyway, really. Which brings me to my next point. There was no sex. :( A lot of build up and no sex. You sir, are a tease. :( Lol.
I want to read more about these characters.
Not enough action. Maybe you could rewrite this from the wifes point of view, get her reactions etc... to make the story, which has potential, much better.
...telling us exactly how they made 'out like teenagers’, perhaps on the prison cell bed would have made this story perfect.
That was weird. I give it 4 for decent writing and imagination.
Not my cup of tea at all but I applaud your originality
But this was really bad. Worse than the story I read about some women wanting to be a cow or the one that they made her furniture.
I admire your courage for posting this. A lot less expository dialogue would do wonders for this extreme fantasy.