All Comments on 'Nebraska & Our First Time'

Whore did the Nebraska football team?

Too something to be be sexy.

I have two major problems with this story. First, its not a good idea to only use "He" and "She" through out an entire story. It becomes repetitive and boring. Give your character names. It draws people in and lets them feel like they know them better.

Second, you really need to world on flow in your story. It was very broken and choppy. Use "," to bridge sentences. Try to use different words instead of reusing the same one. "Excited" and "Stimulated", for example were used way to often. Instead of saying "she was excited", try "Renee was trembling with anticipation". It sayes the same thing but give your story much more life.