by Orchid56
The point of view of your story changes too much for it to be very cohesive. You constantly change between first and second person.
There is even a point where you confuse the genders of your characters...
"I'm sorry Miss" I mumbled, embarrassed at his disclosure, "it won't happen again and I will make up the time, I promise.
The "his" in this case should be "her."
Please either double check your work or ask someone to proofread it.
Then it needs a good story. This was bollocks. He recorded the episode with his camera phone. She got fired, he got rich suing the company.