- Non-Erotic
- Noise
- Page 2
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He gets to the mall. It's nice and quiet here. Just walk around. Look at stuff. What to buy? What? No wallet? Oh in the car. The car has it. Let's go to the car. Admiring the beauty of an open mall. No ceiling of glass or wall. Just pure sky. Blue Sky.
Errrrrrrr......Ahhhhhhhh! Headache. Not like one he has ever experienced. Pain stopping. Heart failing. Muscle cramping headache. Fuck! Sharp, resistant agony. Gah! The emotions floods his head. Like a dam that just broke. Crushed under the pressure of water. Unable to control such an unstoppable force. Happiness, sadness, anger, guilt, remorse, fear, excitement, joy. So many emotions so little time. Too many. He felt his knees go weak. His body crumbles. In his mind he felt an explosive scream. Blackness. No noise. No chatter. Emptiness.
Where? He was laying down. Eyes won't fully open. Hearing voices. Not in his head. Chatter, yes. Voices were close to him. What were they saying?. Terrorism? An attack? What? He couldn't move. Muscles wouldn't listen. What to do? Doctors. Did he just hear the word doctor? Hospital. He was in a hospital.
*
I just want to thank amerks29hockey aka Allison for editing my work. All of my work. You're the best Allison!
- COMMENTS
Anonymousabout 15 years agoThis story was absolutely hilarious to me. The first time I read it I couldn't stop laughing. While it's funny, it also really gets you inside the narrator's head. Your writing style works very well for this sort of story. The short, choppy sentences add very well to the overall effect. I've read your others stories and I have to say you're a very talented writer. You obviously have a broad writing ability if you're able to write in so many different perspectives and in so many different styles and story types. I'm looking forward to any new stories you write.
Anonymousover 15 years agoWow, I really loved the whole concept of this never ending noise, it was like it was a plague that seeped out from the source and caught everyone, including the reader. And the short choppy sentences really elaborated on this as well, I liked it!
Anonymousover 15 years agoBefore i even started really reading the story, it seemed like a story i had read too many times before. But once i paid attention, i really got into it. It was different and fresh and that's what keeps people reading. Despite slight grammatical errors, it was a great story. Keep it up, you've got a gift for this kinda thing.
Anonymousover 15 years agoI wasn't sure at first if i was going to like this. But after i read it, I had to reread it. I really enjoyed this story. It's funny and the emotion in the story is very real. I kinda felt i had the noise in my head. Good job. Keep it up
Martyr2002over 15 years agoVery different kind of story. Good deal of emotion, the twist at the end was really good too. Too tired to comment more right now
