Notes From The Underground

"Oh god!" gasped Krystal covering her mouth for a second with her hand. "Is that you Karolyn?"

Krystyn gasped also. She had not recognized Karolyn at first due to the severe haircut and the ugly tattoos. She also realized that Karolyn had not immediately recognized them either. God! We must look just as awful thought Krystyn. But there was little time to worry about their appearances now.

Karolyn was no her feet and she said "Krystal? Krystyn?"

"Yes it's us" said Krystal. "What are you doing here? And what's going on with Laura?"

"I see you all know each other" said Phoebe.

"Yes" said Karolyn.

"Interesting" said Phoebe. "It seems some more of the pieces are falling into place."

Krystyn looked ant Krystal and said "We don't understand. What's going on and why is Karolyn here?"

"I wish I could tell you that" said Phoebe. "It's something I'd very much like to know myself."

The three young women looked at each other confused and astounded. Finally Krystal broke the silence and said "Karolyn how did you get here?"

"It's a long and unhappy story and seeing both of you here only makes it worse."

"How can us being here make it worse" said Krystyn.

"Because, it seems" began Karolyn 'that all of us are here now, or will be shortly."

"What do you mean?" said Krystal

"Although I haven't seen her yet" said Karolyn, "Phoebe tells me that Kathryn is also here."

"Oh god no!" gasped Krystyn.

"No, it can't be" said Krystal.

"I'm very much afraid it can" said Phoebe. "I'm very much afraid it can".

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Cathy looked at her daughter and said "Are you sure you want to leave?"

"Yes its time" answered Kourtney putting the last of her meager belongings into a canvas travel pack.

Lower lip quivering, Cathy fought to control her emotions. It had finally come to this, the estrangement of her daughter despite all her efforts. Her long years of struggling to secure Kourtney's freedom from Zax's clutching grasp, the awful price she had been forced to pay, and the effort expended in trying to build a relationship had been for naught. Looking back, Cathy realized she had been in trouble from the very beginning. Zax's pogrom of indoctrination lead by Echo had created a cultural and emotional gap that even under the best circumstances would have been difficult to overcome. Although Cathy did not blame Echo for the current situation, the fact remained that nearly two decades of conditioning could not be undone in just a few months. Despite Echo's help (and she had been helpful) circumstances and events had overtaken them. The turning point had been Erin's humiliation. It was ironic, thought Cathy, how, yet again, her former friend and lover and come between her and the relationship she so wanted with her daughter (not that she could really blame Erin either).

Erin's humiliation had been a sort of awakening for Kourtney; previously she had been content to passively watch vids and absorb information. After the humiliation, Kourtney began to take a more active and aggressive role in learning about her new environment and circumstances. The result had, unfortunately, been increasingly probing questions about the past, Erin, Zax, and most of all Cathy's role in the events that had led up to the present. These were the questions Cathy had been trying to avoid, to put off till some indeterminate future time, when she would perhaps be stronger and better able to cope with confronting her guilt and the answerers. Intellectually Cathy had no doubt that she had acted correctly and perhaps even nobly. If she had hesitated, Kourtney would doubtless now be sitting diapered in Zax's dungeon. As for Erin, it was only a matter of time before she ended up in exactly the situation where she now found herself. Of these things Cathy was convinced. However her justifications although logically sound, had the hollow ring of guilty rationalization. Emotionally she knew it would take more than logical reasoning to assuage her guilt and to come to terms with what she had done, albeit been forced to do.

All this however was beside the point, for Kourtney who knew nothing of betrayal, or guilt, or the complex and ambiguous choices that life often presented. Her daughter had lived in a fantasy world, in a place where dreams could become reality. The world Echo had created for her was magically simple, linear, and unambiguous. All one had to do was follow a clear set of rules and everything would inevitably turn out just fine. In the 'real' world, the world away from Zax Island and the Schoolhouse, matters were considerably more complex, nonlinear, and uncertain. Kourtney had been unable to grasp this, for having lived in an ideal world, she was naturally an idealist. Practical considerations and difficult choices were alien and beyond her experience and exceptions were not part of her rules.

"I don't understand what she meant" said Kourtney referring to Erin's last statement before Alex led her away into the transport. "and I don't understand why you won't discuss it".

"I can't…I'm…not…I just can't" said Cathy.

"Why not? I thought you said that she was your friend and that…"

"I can't!" said Cathy, exasperated. "Not now."

Kourtney had accepted that at first, especially after seeing that the subject somehow deeply troubled her mother. But Erin's humiliation had awakened her thoughts as well as her curiosity. She had begun to see that the world was a far different place that she had imaged, or more precisely, had been led to believe.

Lacking the proper intellectual tools and a bit of critical skepticism, she was forced instead to rely on her idealism and the flawed world-view of Echo's Schoolhouse. This is not to say Kourtney was stupid; in fact, she was if anything Cathy's intellectual superior. However she lacked both practical experience and criticism and as a result she was unable to reconcile what she had observed with what she had been taught. In time, Cathy knew, she would have eventually developed the perspective that she needed; but time was the one thing neither of them seemed to have. In retrospect, Cathy realized it was her own reluctance to confront what had happened that was to blame for the current state of affairs. Her reticence and inability to explain matters to Kourtney had created a vacuum which her bright daughter had been forced to fill on her own.

The entire matter had come to a head the day before. Kourtney had been dogging her for weeks, extracting snippets of information which she had been slowly but persistently piecing together. She had read about Varinia and its mission and its moderate successes and, of course, the raid on Zax Island two decades ago. From this, she quickly pieced together the majority of the story, including the status of her schoolmates and the circumstances surrounding her own birth. She had even gained an understanding of Zax and the organization's malevolent role in what had happened. Kourtney had quickly realized that Zax was not the benevolent and nurturing organization that she had been led to believe. Cathy had hoped that, by letting her daughter piece the facts together on her own, she would come to understand exactly how terrible Zax was and how awful the choices it had forced upon her. What she had failed to realize, until too late, was that emotionally Kourtney was already completely divorced from Zax; she did not, and had never, considered herself associated with it in any way. Instead she viewed herself as an outsider, living under its ominous shadow, but nonetheless separated and independent of its direct influence and manipulations. The Schoolhouse, with its Victorian culture and ideals, was the place she identified with. The fact that Zax ran and controlled the Schoolhouse was irrelevant, immaterial, and obscure in her mind. After all, she and visited the Castle only a handful of times in her entire life, and had seen Prudence, Alex, Laura, and the other members of Zax only rarely. However she had spent her entire life isolated in the Schoolhouse surrounded by its patient and helpful staff, and of course, its strict and domineering Headmistress. When Kourtney therefore discovered the final facts required to construct a complete history of the events that had culminated in her being reunited with her mother, her interpretation was not based on Zax's sinister and underlying role in the matter or the ambiguous and difficult choices that Cathy had been presented with, but rather on the idealism of Echo's antiquated and simplistic Schoolhouse mores.

"So Zax knew from the beginning about Varinia's raid on the Storage Facility?"

"Yes" said Cathy. "They allowed Echo to keep a copy of her records there, knowing that eventually Varinia would be tempted to steal them."

Kourtney digested this fact for a moment, impressed by Zax's foresight and the accuracy of its predictions. "But how did they know when Varinia would choose to raid the Storage Facility? Surely, not even Zax could predict such an event that accurately."

Cathy paused before answering, for this was the crux of the entire matter. How indeed could they have known?

Kourtney interpreted her mother's silence as a challenge. She knew she was close to having the complete story, and she wanted the satisfaction of finding the solution herself, just like with her mathematics. "It was India, wasn't it?" she asked, still a bit uncertain of her reasoning.

Cathy looked at her daughter, indecision holding her back. It would be easy to blame India and not entirely inaccurate either. After all she had initiated the signal indicating that Erin was on her way, just as she had been tasked to do. But, although this version of events wascorrect, it was also inaccurate since it was incomplete and misleading. Cathy knew, if she let Kourtney believe that India was responsible, it would color her relationship with her daughter for the rest of her life. There would be no going back either, for she would have lied to her daughter in order to hide her shameful role in what had happened. This was it then, the moment she had been trying to avoid. Taking a deep breath she said "Not exactly…"

But Kourtney cut her off disappointed that she had failed to solve the puzzle on the first try and anxious to have its solution, "If not India then, who?"

Cathy sighed and choosing her words carefully, said "India certainly played a role in betraying Varinia to Zax. Varinia knew that raiding the Storage Facility was a trap and Zax realized they would from the very beginning. As such, Zax knew that Varinia could not proceed with the raid unless they understood how to avoid being caught."

"So then India…"

"Yes" said Cathy. "India's role was to act as a red herring. When Erin and the others left for the Storage Facility they fully believed that they had foiled Zax's plans by interrupting India's signal."

"But then who…" began Kourtney looking at her mother. Cathy's face was pale, her lips pursed together, and her eyes distant and watery. "No! It can't be!" said Kourtney fitting the last pieces of the puzzle into place.

"Yes" whispered Cathy "I afraid it true."

Kourtney looked at her mother and a gamut of expressions swept her face. There was surprise, denial, horror, anger, and finally disappointment. And that's when Cathy knew she had lost her daughter. Anger and denial she could have dealt with, but not disappointment. What followed was merely the last formal moves in an endgame that had already been decided. "How could you? She was your friend. And so were the others."

Cathy sighed again, and then made, what she already knew, was a futile attempt at an explanation "Yes she was. But you have to understand Kourtney Zax would have humiliated and diapered you. You would have ended up a slave…"

"I don't care! How could you betray her?"

And so it went. They had discussed the matter for hours, but in the end Kourtney had been unable to understand the practical realities and very real and terrible dilemma of the situation. As such, she had fallen into a trap of another kind, and so had Cathy. Kourtney's idealism told her that, no matter what the consequences, betrayal was wrong: absolutely wrong. At that point an un-crossable divide opened between mother and daughter, separating them now and forever.

"I have to leave" said Kourtney and that's where the conversation had ended.

They next day, Cathy tried again to close the divide which separated them but to no avail. A few weeks previously, they had made arrangements for Kourtney to attend the University. Cathy had discovered her daughter's exceptional mathematical ability in the course of their brief time together and had encouraged her application to the University. She had been accepted and they had planned for her to attend when the next learning sequence started. That was still several months away and, even so, Cathy had planned on Kourtney staying with her while she attended University. However, Kourtney had decided, after their fateful discussion, to instead leave immediately and live on campus. She would begin her studies early and alone. And so Cathy watched Kourtney pack the last of her belongings, unable to secure a reprieve from her daughter's judgment and her decision.

"You know you're always welcome."

"Yes. But this is something I should have done awhile ago" said Kourtney picking up her packed belongings and moving towards the door.

Cathy sighed, her lower lip quivering. "Keep in touch" she whispered.

"I will" said Kourtney opening the door. "Goodbye mother."

"Goodbye" said Cathy.

With that, Kourtney stepped through the door, letting it shut noiselessly behind her.

"Goodbye daughter" said Cathy again, tears rolling down her face.

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Echo looked at Prudence and said "Yes Mistress I think it's a very real possibly".

Prudence shifted her slight body uneasily in her chair and frowned.

It was clear the Prudence was upset, and Echo shifted uneasily in her own chair, uncomfortable, as she watched Zax's Headmistress contemplate the implications of what she had told her.

"I am sorry to bother you with this Mistress" said Echo interrupting Prudence's thoughts, "but I thought you should be aware of the possibility."

Prudence frowned deepened, but waved her hand dismissively and continued thinking.

With the departure of Kourtney and the diapering of the remaining 5K's Echo's work had been transitioning from Schoolhouse Headmistress to Dungeon pyschtech. Her research would continue, of course, with the exception that now her experiments would take place over days or months, instead of years and decades. The first order of business had been studying the psychological profiles of her new charges: Zax's diapered slaves. This included not only Kathryn, Karolyn, Krystyn, and Krystal but the existing slaves as well as Kelly, Stacy, and, of course, Erin. Echo had carefully and dutifully reviewed each woman's medical and psychological history, and with the exception of Erin, each had more or less conformed to the predictions of both theory and her predicative behavioral models.

Echo had not been particularly surprised by Erin's departure from the expected norm. After all her perceptions had been toyed with and altered and her return to Zax's dungeon must have been quite traumatic for her. However, a more careful examination had revealed some troubling trends. Erin was extremely stubborn, and unlike her associates Kelly and Stacy, she had not completely re-assimilated to life in the Dungeon or fully accepted her situation.

"Perhaps she needs more time" said Prudence. "After all her perceptions regarding her sexuality have been…modified."

"I've taken that into account, Mistress" said Echo.

"I see" said Prudence resuming her silent reflections.

And she had. Echo had been skeptical herself and assumed that, if given more time Erin would eventually accept and adjust to her new situation. However, this had not proved to be the case. "She remains moody and morose I am afraid Mistress" said Echo "and perhaps most troubling of all, reticent even when in the company of her peers and subliminally resistive when in the presence of her superiors."

"So you believe she might do something….unpredictable?" said Prudence.

"Yes Mistress. There is a high probability…"

"But what?" interrupted Prudence.

"I'm not sure Mistress" said Echo.

This of course was the crux of the problem. For in practice, there was little that Erin could do. Confined and monitored continually in Zax's dungeon, escape was impossible as well as any attempt at overt violence or resistance. The best Erin could do, would be to disobey or not cooperate, both of which were futile, especially in the long run. Erin of course knew all of this only too well, which made the situation all that more perplexing and troubling.

"I can't see…" began Prudence but she was cut off as Alex's image suddenly appeared in front of them. "Yes?" said Prudence.

"Mistress, we have an issue" said Alex.

Prudence and Echo looked at each other and then back again at the virtual Alex.

"It's the diapered slave Erin" continued Alex. "You'd better come immediately."

"We're on our way" said Prudence.

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Erin sat in the Dungeon rec-room, picking at her food. After cleaning up, Laura had commanded that she go to and get something to eat. Although Erin was not particularly hungry, she had little choice but to comply. However, when she got to the rec-room she found that it was not empty, instead Kelly and Stacy were seated in the center of the room, talking.

"Erin!" said Kelly as she walked through the door. "We had almost given up on you!"

Both Kelly and Stacy rushed to the entrance and the three women embraced each other. "It's been awhile" Erin agreed. "But you know how Zax is: never spare the rod when you don't have to."

"That's for sure!" said Kelly taking Erin's arm and leading her into the room. "Is everything OK?"

"As well as can be expected" said Erin.

Kelly and Stacy nodded. "Well it's a relief to see you" said Kelly. "We were beginning to think that Zax might have other plans for you."

Erin managed a slight smile and said "Apparently not, at least for the time being anyways."

After getting something to eat, Erin sat down with her companions and said "So tell me what happened with you."

Stacy related the details of their humiliation and transport back to Zax Island and the Dungeon and their first few days re-acclimating to slavery. "It's funny, but in some ways it's like we've never been gone."

"Yes" agreed Kelly.

Erin nodded, picking at her food. "So what has changed?"

"Well, physically things are pretty much the same" said Kelly. "However socially, it's entirely a different matter."

"Oh?" said Erin.

Kelly told Erin about the competition that had been established between the diapered slaves and how it had affected morale.

Erin frowned and said "That's unfortunate and troubling, but in the end, not unexpected."

"True" Stacy said. "Kelly and I have been discussing the implications for the three of us, and it's troubling at best."

"Yes" agreed Erin. "What about the Children?" Have you seen them?"

"No" said Kelly. "But we've talked with Phoebe, and she's seen all four of them."

Phoebe. There was a name from the past! Erin had almost forgotten about her helpful mentor. "How is she? And how the Children?" said Erin.

Kelly and Stacy looked at each other and then Kelly said "Well…"