All Comments on 'Party Slut'

Please give any feedback, this is my first submission.

I have a storyline in mind to carry this on, so any assistance in writing style greatly received

I don't know the correct grammatical term for it, but I'm not a fan of the point of view, employed by many authors on the site, where the author addresses the reader as "you." It pulls me right out of the story, immediately, and I can't read any further.

Sorry, just a personal pet peeve.