All Comments on 'Return of a Princess Ch. 03'

You have a decent storyline but you really need to work on the punctuation when the characters are speaking or thinking. You have good punctuation for the descriptive parts, so I don't know why you abandon it whenever someone speaks. When your sentences all blend together (because of the lack of punctuation), it makes it very difficult to read/understand. I think your ratings would improve if you fixed that point. IF you are unable to fix it yourself, perhaps you can find an editor to help you with grammar and punctuation.

and it's quite, not quiet. Really, you've got good ideas, you just really, really need a good editor.

As mentioned by the other posters and also by posters in your previous chapters, you have a good idea with this storyline. However, it's significantly diminished by the following: [1] Continuous grammar errors (example, using 'quiet' instead of 'quite' or 'your welcome' instead of 'you're welcome'); [2] Your lack of punctuations - it is distracting and the run on sentences makes it difficult to read. [3] Voices of your characters - it's almost as if the characters are speaking in a child-like manner, not one befitting adults of their time period. This could probably have something to do with the run-on sentences. Please don't give up but, before you submit your next chapter, at least consider getting an editor or have a friend proof read your work. Seriously, you have a good imagination, you just need to improve on your writing.

but I do love this story so far please don't be put off by it just work to fix it.. other than that I can't wait to read more I look forward to it..

Yes i have noticed your grammatical errors more now. Just need to work on that some more. But i do have to say, that this is getting really good. I cant wait till i get to read some more chapters.