Saving Savannah

"It was fine," I said. "She says I'm going to be as big as an elephant and no one will want to look at me soon. So things will be back to normal." He just laughed.

"What happened with my shrink," I said.

"I fired her," he said. "She was starting to try to convince you that she knew better than you do what's good for you. I think she's one of those Feminatzis. You know the ones who think that women are totally better off without men. I'll get you another psychologist. Someone who just helps you work through what you went through without trying to push their own agenda on you."

"Greg, I started thinking today," I said. He did the coolest thing I've ever seen. He just settled down in the chair and let me talk. He just listened to every word that I said all of my thoughts and didn't say a word. He didn't judge me or try to tell me what to think or feel he just listened. It was wonderful.

"I'm scared. I'm not sure that I'm ready to have a baby. I have no experience with kids. What if it looks like the Druckers? What if the baby comes out with rotten teeth and a mullet? And even before then, I'm going to be huge. The only benefit to all of this is that my boobs will get bigger, but even then they probably won't stay that way. And when you look at me what will you see? The doctor was right about one thing, I didn't have a choice in any of this. The only thing I have had a choice in isn't really working out for me as quickly as I'd like, but I'm going to stick with it. What if I'm not a good mother? My dad was awful as a parent, what if I'm just as bad? I don't want to go through this alone."

"Vannah, you're not alone," he said. "I'll make sure you have everything you need no matter what you decide. But you have to make the choices yourself. You're the only person who can decide what's right for you, okay?" He was looking at me.

"Do you understand what I said?" he asked.

"Every time you call me Vannah, my legs open up and I can't breathe let alone keep track of words," I said. "And before you ask, you're the only person it works for and you're the only one who calls me that."

"So we'll still have these little talks when I'm waddling instead of walking?" I asked. He nodded.

That was the start of things getting better. Over the next few weeks, just like my OB-GYN had predicted, I started to show. Greg was beyond great. He did all of the things with me just as he'd said. He rubbed cocoa butter on my stretch marks so they'd fade after I delivered. He did everything a husband or a father could have been expected to do. If I'd thought that I loved him before that, it was a wrap after a few weeks. There was simply no way I'd ever leave that man. There was only one problem, I think in his mind I was still just another one of his lost puppies.

He simply refused to let things between us take their natural course. In fact the one argument we had was the first time I got to actually meet the judge and the real Sheriff. I'd met all of the deputies but until that day I hadn't met the Sheriff.

They came over and were all sitting around with Greg talking. The three of them were going to go sport fishing. This wasn't going to be a little jaunt to Florida. This was going to be their big once a year junket to California. They were all smiling as they talked about it.

Kerrie just shook her head. "My uncle is getting too old for that shit," she said.

"Kerrie, men are always going to fish. If I wasn't getting so big in the belly, I'd probably make Greg take me with them," I said.

"Savannah, they wouldn't take you to California," she said.

"Kerrie, Florida is a part of the south, but there are lots of interracial couples in California. Did you know that now-a-days one couple out of six that gets married is a mixed couple?" I said. "Nobody in California would look at us twice. And maybe I could get a boob job while I was there."

Kerrie started laughing. "I think he likes you fine the way you are," she said. "He'd probably like you even more if you wear one of those swimsuits that show off your ass. Pete still talks about the first time he saw you like that. But that's not why he won't take you. They're going to be gone for about ten days. The first five or six days will be fishing off the coast of California. The rest of the time they'll be in Vegas gambling and whoring."

"No the fuck, he's not," I yelled loudly enough that everyone heard me. The Sheriff and the Judge looked over our way. I got up and walked over to their table.

"Greg, you're not going fishing," I said. The Sheriff spit out his beer and started laughing.

"See that's why I got a divorce," he laughed.

"I'm sorry," I said. "I didn't mean to embarrass you in front of the other boys, but we really need to talk about this." Now even the judge was laughing. Greg stood up and towered over me. I looked up at him and he just stuck his hands in his pocket.

"Maybe this isn't the right time for us to make this trip," he said. The Sheriff raised his hand and swirled it around and then made a sound like he was cracking a whip.

"Why don't you go to Florida, for two or three days," I said. "The fishing is just as good and they don't have any..."

"That will be fine ma'am," said the Judge. "He's paying for it anyway, so he may as well have a say in where we're going. We'll make sure he doesn't see any mermaids either."

They were still laughing as I walked back over to Kerrie. "That was awesome," she said excitedly. "Maybe I'll let them take Pete with them too. I've never let him go fishing with them because of the..."

"Yeah it's just peachy," I said.

"Honey what are you so mad about?" she asked.

"He wants to go off fishing and whoring, when I'm right here, just down the hall from him," I spat.

"Let me get this straight," she said. "The two of you haven't ever...?"

"Nope," I said. "Never."

"Oh my God," she said. "I just assumed...you know from him rubbing your tummy and giving you massages and...Do you even begin to understand how jealous I was of you?" I just looked at her.

"Kerrie, you and Pete live together, you're a couple," I said. "I'm just one of his lost puppies."

"Don't be stupid, Savannah," she snapped. "You have no idea how hot the two of you look together just laying there under the Magnolias with him rubbing your belly and you just lying there with your eyes closed holding his hand. Then I go home to Pete, all worked up and get a five minute fuck and a "Babe, when's dinner going to be ready?"

"Has he ever seen your ass?" she asked. "I mean shit, I'm a woman and I'm not even bi, let alone a lesbian, but if you were bent over in front of me I'd probably fuck you. But seriously Savannah, give it some time. I probably should just shut up thought because all of the advice I gave you was wrong. You know more than anybody else what to do. You can get him to do things that no one else can. You'll figure it out."

And I did. I didn't get what I wanted that night, but I came close. The Judge, the Sheriff, Kerrie, Pete and some of the other people who worked for Greg all stayed after work and we had a huge barbecue. After we ate all of the food and nearly drank us out of liquor with everyone except for me and Greg drinking, we sat by the pool and watched the stars. I handed Greg my cocoa butter lotion and he started rubbing my tummy.

"Vannah, you really embarrassed me," he said. "That wasn't very considerate."

"It's also not very considerate of you calling me Vannah, when you know what that does to me," I snapped. "You could get raped Gregory Gates."

He didn't say anything else after that. I'd ventured again into forbidden territory. "So how come it's okay to talk with your friends about going to Las Vegas and paying for prostitutes, but it's not okay to even bring up the subject of..."

He yawned theatrically and looked at his watch.

"Did you know that I masturbate a lot and think about you Gregory Gates?" I asked. He stopped rubbing my tummy, I grabbed his hand and put it back.

"What do you think we should name her?" I asked. He smiled at me.

"Anything but God damned Melissa," he said.

"You're not disappointed?" I asked.

"By what?" he asked.

"You know because the baby isn't going to be a little boy that you could teach how to play football and take fishing and all of that crap. You know you could get him little cars and convince him that he should only drive Mustangs."

"She can still watch football with me, I can't ever play again either. And I could take her fishing, and if she wants to drive Mustangs nobody will tell her any different."

"Hmph," I said. "You never offered to take me fishing, and Greg seriously, we need to talk. Kerrie told me about the car."

"Well, Pete told me about Mark," he said defensively.

"Don't try to change the subject," I said. "What do you need with a thousand horsepower?"

"Well, it's a Shelby special edition," he whined. "And I'm not getting the sport/track version. I'm only getting the Street version. It only has nine hundred and fifty horsepower."

"That car costs two hundred thousand dollars," I said.

"It's for my birthday," he whined again. Maybe he did love me. He was actually discussing what he could and couldn't buy with his own money with me.

"So what do I get for my birthday?" I asked.

"Anything you want," he said. I could see he was thinking that he'd buy me some stupid thing as long as he got his ridiculous car.

"Okay," I said smiling. "Remember, you promised."

"So what happened with you and Mark?" he asked. "Pete said you were delivering the packages around to help out. He told you that a box of inserts was supposed to go to Mark. He said he turned around and the next thing he knew you had slapped the shit out of Mark."

"Mark is an asshole," I said. "He happened to over hear me and Kerrie talking the other day. I was telling her about how it makes me feel when you call me a certain name. So I gave him his box and he smiled at me with a real shit eating grin and said, "Thanks Vanna." He didn't say it right either. It just felt nasty and slimy the way he said it and he was smiling at me. So I told him that my name is Savannah and not just anybody could call me anything else. So he just smiled again and said "Okay Vanna." Now to me, that implied that he thought that he was special to me or had earned the right to call me something other than my name. So I said, "Mark, my name is Savannah, you can call me that or Miss Hill, but nothing else. He said okay and he hesitated then he said, "Vanna." It's like he thought I was playing with him or something. So I just slapped him as hard as I could. I think he got the message then."

"So are you two going to be okay working wise?" he asked.

"Yeah, he thinks I'm a bitch now, but that's fine," I said. "Nobody calls me that but you."

A little while later Greg went to bed and so did I. My room was at the other end of the house from his. We needed the intercom to even talk to each other or telephones. I took a shower and then just said, "Fuck it."

I shuffled my soon to be waddling ass over to his room and just opened the door. He looked up in surprise and I did too. He was surprised because I'd just walked into his room like I owned it.

I was surprised because I'd never seen him undressed before. He still had on boxer shorts but his body was covered by slabs of muscle like I'd never seen before. I almost went into shock.

"What's wrong Vannah?" he asked. My eyes got even wider.

"I'm afraid of the storm," I said. "What if it turns into another hurricane? Can I sleep in here with you?" He looked at me like I was crazy.

"Savannah, there isn't a storm. It's a warm night and there's not even a breeze, let alone any rain."

"Well I'm practicing for when it does happen," I smirked. "Now move over, I'm getting to be as big as a cow and I need to be held so I can feel like somebody cares about me. You're deserting me to go fishing with your drunken friends tomorrow."

Surprisingly it worked. He moved over and lifted his blankets and I just snuggled against him. It felt like I'd died and gone to heaven. To a lot of people sleeping next to someone you love is no big deal. But remember, I grew up in a house without a mother. All I had was a drunkard for a father and a brother who wasn't much better. No one in my history had shown me much love or affection, So when he very gently wrapped those big arms around me, I never wanted it to end.

I woke up several times during the night just to look at him.

Things were uneventful over the next few days while he was gone. I looked at catalogs full of baby stuff and ate. Kerrie and I talked about all kinds of stuff as usual, including the fact that Pete was miserable in Florida. She said that the boat he was on only had any kind of shade in the wheel house, so he had to stay in there all day with the captain who smelled like fish and stared at him. He could only fish early in the morning and late at night and Greg was the only one who'd bait a hook for him. He thought that they were all involved in a conspiracy to make him tan.

I don't remember any time in my life when I missed a person so much. That four days seemed to take so long to pass. It seemed like every minute took an hour and every hour seemed like it took a day to pass. If I went out to my favorite area around the pool, it just didn't seem the same. It was too hot in the sun and too cool in the shade. I hated the breezes coming through the Willow trees because they only served to remind me that there was no one to rub my tummy. I was crabby with everyone and so lonely at the same time. It just made no sense. Kerrie spent hours laughing at me.

"If you're lonely, how come you bite at anybody who comes over to talk to you?" she asked smiling.

"I don't know," I snapped at her.

"Savannah, the people around here already love you. You know that don't you?" she asked me. I was shocked to hear her say that.

"They don't even know me," I sputtered.

"They don't have to," she said. "They all love Greg. We're all like one big ass retarded, weird family. And whether you know it or not you make him really happy. So they love you too. And they want to see you happy too."

"Greg is happy?" I asked. I sat up to look at her.

"Hell yeah," she said in that way that only a southern woman can where all of the syllables in the two short words came out sounding like there were five or six sounds.

"But all he does is complain and argue with me and grumble about evil white women," I said.

"Savannah, I know a lot of my advice didn't work out for you, but this time I know what I'm talking about. Men do not want other men to think that a woman can get them to do anything. It's one of those male pride things. For some reason grumbling about things makes them feel more macho and they all do it. From the time they're little boys complaining when their mothers make them do their chores, til their forties and fifties, when they're complaining to all the other middle aged boys that their old lady made them clean out the garage before they could go fishing." She smiled at me.

"Savannah, the saddest ones are the ones who don't have a woman to complain about. And with you here, Greg has someone to complain about. You only see him grumbling and complaining. The people around here see it completely different. Before you got here, Greg kept to himself. He hardly spoke to anybody. He does so much for the people here, both on the property and the surrounding town, but he's so shy that he just didn't interact with people that much. Sure they'd see him hang out with my uncle and the Sheriff. And maybe if there was a problem in manufacturing he'd rewrite a program or help out since that's what he went to school for. But other than that he spoke to people through me. You changed all of that, Savannah. You made him real."

"I did?" I said. I was smiling again.

"Savannah, name one time that Greg has ever said, "No," to you. I can only think of one time. And that was when you were thinking about leaving."

"But whenever we talk he always says things like "Until you leave," or "While you're here," I said.

"That one you're going to have to figure out yourself," she said. Suddenly I knew what I wanted to spend the two days that I had left doing."

"Kerrie, can I borrow a couple of the warehouse guys to help me move some stuff around?" I asked.

"Sure," she said. "I'll send them right over."

The next two days still seemed to take forever to pass even though I now had something to do. It was just after dusk when the truck pulled in. Kerrie and I were sitting on the long shade porch in front of the house waiting. The Sheriff was driving with Greg sitting beside him in the F-150 extended cab truck. As soon as the truck stopped moving I was on my feet. But Pete was even faster than I was. He was hobbling comically and he leaped up on Kerrie and wrapped his arms and legs around her.

"Uhm, I missed you too, Petey," she said smiling. "Did you have fun?"

"I'm never doing that again," he whined. "I almost got killed and they tried to leave me in the sun."

I heard all of the men laughing behind him.

"What happened, Honey?" she asked him.

"I was attacked by an alligator," he said. "It almost killed me."

Kerrie went over to her uncle. "Is that true?" she asked him. "You were supposed to keep him safe. I only sent him to keep you guys away from things you shouldn't have been doing. How the hell did he get anywhere around alligators?"

"Uhm Kerrie," said the Sheriff. "That was his choice. We spent the first day and a half just fishing out on the ocean. Before we left we'd decided to use those Gator licenses we bought. We paid a thousand dollars a head for out of state public hunting licenses remember? Anyway since we couldn't do anything else...we decided to use them. We didn't have a license for Pete, so we were going to let him just stay in the truck with the AC and music and food. There's even a TV in my truck."

"But it was sunny out," screamed Pete. "Shit, even Greg was using sun block." Everyone laughed at that.

"Anyway," continued the Sheriff. "Pete didn't want to be in the sun. I guess he's part vampire, or maybe he just watched them "Twilight," movies once or twice too often. So he decided to come with us, so at least he'd be in the shade. I for one didn't really think that was a good idea. Your uncle, of course, did make sure that we didn't have anything he could use for shade, but the judge was just funning with him."

"Why didn't you think it was a good idea?" Kerrie asked him.

The Sheriff pushed his head back on his head and gave his balding pate a good scratching. It was like he was trying to come up with a way to say something.

"Well, Kerrie, Pete's a good guy. He's a little weird, but I've heard that he can do miracles with them computer machines y'all got back there. And that may be so, but he's about the worst damn fisherman or hunter I've ever seen. I'm talking about terrible. My four year old grand-daughter is better at fishing and she's only gone once. You'd think that with all of that shit he spouts about vampires and what not, he'd be a little good at hunting something, but nada."

As Kerrie and I watched, the Sheriff, Greg and the judge were all shaking their heads together. It was then that I started inching closer to Greg.

"So there we were," said the Sheriff. "The four of us and the guide we hired. Our licenses would allow us to harvest up to two gators apiece. Guess how many we caught?"

"Eight?" asked Kerrie. "Two each." The shook their heads.

"Six," I volunteered."Two each, but Pete didn't have a license." I'd pushed the judge out of the way and was now holding Greg's hand. "You three each caught your two Gators and poor Pete didn't catch anything."

"Well, only two of us caught something," laughed the Sheriff and then the judge started laughing too.