Saving Savannah

"Like I said, I've always been fast. I snatched a helmet off the cart and slammed it into the wall only inches from Jerry's head. It cracked the tiles on the wall by the spa and the sound of the impact carried throughout the locker room. Every head including the rest of the players and even the security people turned to look."

"Jerry was so shaken by what I'd done and how quickly I'd done it, that he lost control of his bladder and pissed all over Melissa. He looked at me with terror in his eyes. "You missed," he said. I nodded. "You missed on purpose," he said. I nodded again and turned to walk away."

"Why?" he yelled to me.

"Because you're not worth it either, Jerry," I threw over my shoulder.

"It took me ten days to liquidate, at a loss, all of my holdings in New York. I sold the house for less than what I'd paid for it even though with all of the improvements I'd made it was worth more. I didn't want to be reminded of New York ever again. Melissa tried to contact me, constantly. I refused to take any of her calls. So she tried to use an end around. She got her mom and her dad to call me. I was nice to her mom since I'd always loved her. I simply told her that things between Mel and me weren't working out. When her dad called, I gave him the whole story including what she'd been doing when I went into the locker room."

"He gave me her version of it. He talked about the weeks that she'd had to watch me lying there in the hospital wondering if I'd ever walk again. She'd turned to my team mates and friends for support and things had just gotten out of control. I was still laughing long after I hung up the phone. I'd told him that I was putting all things related to football out of my life and his daughter was a football whore."

"While I sat there in New York I started trying to decide where I wanted to spend the rest of my life. Although I grew up in the Midwest region, I didn't want to spend the rest of my life in the colder climates. I'd been signed by a team in New York and I never intended to set foot in the "Rotten Apple," again. I remembered back to my college days how much I loved playing games and bowl games in the south. I loved the laid back atmosphere and warmer weather of the south. The warmer air was also better for my back. While I played in college, one of my team mates who lived in Alabama had once warned me that the south would be great except for all of the white people. He said he could especially live without the ones who refused to realize that the days of slavery were over. He told me that growing up in the south he had a list of things that it was necessary to stay away from if you were a black man who wanted to live in the south."

"The list included, White sheets, because the same sheets that were on your bed could also be the uniform of people who would try to kill you if you got too "uppity." White hats, especially when they were on law enforcement or government personnel. The men who wore white hats often took them off and put on white sheets. The list included white women because they could really get you into trouble with the men who wore the white hats. He reminded me that although things seemed to be modern and cosmopolitan on the surface, underneath things were just as bad as they ever were. He concluded his list by just telling me to stay away from anything white. Don't even eat white rice," he said.

"So when I came down here, I just wanted to make a life for myself. I've lived here for seven years and I haven't had a problem yet. I met the judge when I needed to get permits and things to run my business and renovate my house. We became friends. He knew everything about my football career and my injury. I met the Sheriff partly through the judge and partly because I needed protection once. In my efforts to stay away from everything white, I riled up some of the local contractors. I was hiring black contractors from out of state to upgrade and redo my property. Louisiana has a lot of people, both black and white, who are below the poverty line or just barely above it. Some of the local contractors were offended by me paying extra money to bring in outsiders to do jobs that they could do. They started to picket around my property and caused problems for the workers coming in."

"The Sheriff had to send men out to keep the peace although he thought that I was a horse's ass. We ended up all sitting down and having a big meeting. The Judge was there, so was the Sheriff and some of the local contractors. When I explained to them that I hadn't been sure that they'd be willing to work for a black person, most of them assured me that the only color they were interested in was green. So I started hiring the local contractors and everyone was happy. With the money I saved on transportation costs, I was able to put even more people to work and the local men also worked cheaper. Everyone was happy."

We got lucky during Katrina. Our area wasn't hit at all. There was no storm damage here. All of our contractors were also able to get jobs working for the government to do work in some of the areas that were hit. The problem was that it became difficult for other people around here to make a living and the government services that would normally help out were simply overtaxed. So I did what I could. I gave loans to some of the farmers in the surrounding areas to keep them afloat until their crops came in. I set up accounts with a lot of the local businesses and paid for services years in advance to give them enough capital to stay solvent for a while and I gave heavily to some of the local charity organizations.

"We also gave small, part time jobs to many of the people around here who couldn't find other work. Now that things are starting to get back to normal, the people of the town remember how we all banded together during the down times, so I do alright. But I'm still not looking to do anything to get on anyone's nerves. Temporary acceptance doesn't beat out generations of conditioning overnight. There will always be pockets of people who still think the old ways. Remember the way the Druckers looked at me when they came over to your car? What was it one of them said? "We got this Hoss."

"WE, meaning the three of you nice white people didn't need my help. So I left. And before you start in on me again about how I abandoned you, please remember that you never said one word against what he said. And you also never asked me to stay."

"Well, what about Kerrie?" I asked him.

"Kerrie was kind of the black sheep of her family," he smiled. "The Judge loved her but he was at his wits end with her. He saw all of the things I do out here and as a last ditch effort and a favor to him he asked me to see if I could find anything that she was good at. She turned out to be good at everything. The problem is just that Kerrie dances to the beat of a different drum. A lot of the older people around here can't deal with her tattoos and piercings or the music she listens to or any of her other uhm...proclivities."

"But you like all of that stuff, huh?" I asked. He screwed up his face.

"I don't mind it or judge people by it," he said.

"Can I get some tattoos?" I asked. His eyes got narrower. And he spoke through clenched teeth.

"Savannah, you're a grown woman. You can do anything you want to," he said.

"I'm going to get my whole arm done, like Kerrie has and maybe a couple of piercings too. Will you take me?" I asked. "And stay there with me while I get it done?"

"No," he said sharply. "I'm sure that Kerrie will take you though."

"Maybe, I'll get Pete to take me. He was the one who first suggested it. I'm sure he knows exactly what I should get and where I should get them done."

"Pete has too much work to do for that," he snapped.

"Oh I was thinking about after work," I said smiling. I was using every seductive trick I could to make him think that maybe I wanted Pete to take me for a different reason.

"Okay then, fine," he said, standing up. I quickly grabbed his hand. It was the first time I'd touched him and the contact was electric. It wasn't like touching anyone else ever. Our eyes locked and I knew then that he'd felt it too, but for some reason he pulled his hand back quickly.

"Sit down, Greg," I said. "We're not done talking and you're just pissed. I've noticed that you seem to run away when you get pissed. Why is that?"

"Because losing your temper and getting angry tend to lead to doing things that you regret later on," he said.

"So why are you getting angry?" I asked. "I don't think you'd even notice it if Kerrie got another tattoo. And you like Kerrie. Kerrie runs everything around here. So I just figured that maybe if I was a little bit more like Kerrie, you'd like me too. I just poured my heart out to you and told how when it comes to the relationship stuff I'm kind of socially retarded. So I don't know what I have to do here. But I do notice things," I said smiling.

"Like what?" he asked.

"Like as much as you claim you don't mind tattoos and piercings, you don't want me to get any. And as much as you don't like or at least don't want to be with me because I'm one of them damned "white women," you got really jealous about me just going to a tattoo store with Pete. When I said I'd go with Pete, you got really pissed." I smiled again.

"It seems to me that even though we're supposed to be telling the honest to God truth here, I'm the only one who's putting all of her cards on the table. It's not hard to do. With all of the crap that I've been through, it's hard for me to trust people too. But I trust you, because I know how I feel about you. Watch this...When you got jealous of Pete, I liked it. It made me happy to know that you were jealous, because it means that you have some feelings for me too. Did you see that? I just told you what I was feeling. I didn't try to hide it or cover it up. Watch me again...I'm not going to get a tattoo because apparently you don't mind them on someone else's women, but you don't want them on yours." I smiled the biggest smile I ever have.

"Now that you've seen me do that, you try it. Try telling me the truth about something. Go on Greg tell me how you feel," I said.

"...I'm...I'm glad you're not getting a tattoo," he said. I burst out laughing and couldn't stop. He looked so uncomfortable, it was priceless. That was the moment that I knew that everything was going to be fine between us. If I had to beat away at his ideas brick by brick until that wall of bullshit he was hiding behind fell, so be it.

"Hey, this isn't the breakfast that's in the kitchen," said Kerrie behind us. "Where'd you guys get pancakes?"

"We cooked them," I smiled.

"You seem to be feeling pretty well today, Savannah," she said.

"Best ever," I smiled.

"As soon as I get the office running, I'm taking you to the appointment with your OB-GYN," she said. She sat down at the table with us, noticing that I continued to smile and Greg just sat there rolling his eyes as I did.

"So you guys are talking again?" she asked. I just nodded and smiled. Greg rolled his eyes again.

"I just came out and told him the truth," I said. "No more of this game playing bullshit for me." I bit into a piece of maple cured thick sliced bacon as Kerrie's eyes got huge and she nearly spit hot coffee all over the table.

"uhm...What truth?" she asked.

"All of it. I just told him that I really, really like him, more than like actually," I said. "And I told him that I don't know how to do all of this boy/girl shit. And I told him that when I asked him if he wanted to fuck me, that it was the first time that I ever really wanted to do it with anyone. And I told him that he runs away from people when he gets scared or pissed and I know it, so I'll have to run after him just a little bit faster than he can run away from me. And I told him that I know that he likes me too, even though I'm one of them "evil white women."

Kerrie looked down at her plate. She got really interested in the color and texture of her eggs as I spoke.

She pretended not to notice Greg's grumpiness and discomfort.

"Manufacturing is back on schedule," she said. "Pete wants to know if he should do anything to Derek about the screw up?"

"It's his first mistake," said Greg. "We just need to make sure he understands what he did wrong so it doesn't happen again. We can't really fault him. He was busting his ass trying to get the parts out no matter what. If we can bottle that enthusiasm, he'll be great."

"I'm having lunch with a guy from Alabama, who wants us to make some parts for him. Can you email me our schedule so Pete and I can figure out how and when we can fit him in?" asked Greg.

"That might be rough," said Kerrie. "Manufacturing is already in the black for the year. Almost all of our machine time is booked if you're talking about large blocks of time."

"Maybe it's time for us to have that conversation again," said Greg.

"What conversation?" asked Kerrie.

"You remember the one you and I had about whether or not we should expand manufacturing. Remember, I was thinking about picking up a few more machines and you were worrying about having too much equity spent on machines that we weren't using?" he said. "Maybe you need to do a cost analysis so we could figure it out both ways and we could see which would benefit us more. And remember, your uncle would be really happy if we could hire a few more people."

"I don't have time for stuff like that right now," said Kerrie. "Between doing my job and running all of your errands, I'm swamped."

"Maybe it's time I got you an assistant that you could train yourself to handle part of your workload," he said smiling.

"Did you have anyone in mind?" asked Kerrie.

"Well the person I'm thinking about probably wouldn't be available full time for a few months but you could start her out just doing little things and maybe she could grow into the job," he said.

Then I realized that he was talking about me. I smiled even bigger.

"Maybe the person you were thinking about wants to go on and finally make it to Texas," said Kerrie. "Did you even ask her or are you already making plans for her?"

"Well, she'd be your assistant, why can't you ask her?" he said.

"Because this is so much fun watching you squirm," said Kerrie. "I've never seen you like this before. I'll talk to Pete about the machine thing and run some numbers. I really like us keeping everything small. I'd rather have us fully booked for months at a time, than have machines and people that we're paying for and paying, sitting idle." She got up and took her empty plate with her. "I'll be back to get you in about an hour Savannah."

I was sitting there smiling at him and he looked up at me. He tried to act like he didn't care but I could tell. "What are you grinning about?" he asked.

"You," I said. "You're trying to come up with a job, or a reason for me to stay around here. It's really funny."

"Well, if you really want to go on to Texas..." he began.

"My friends and the reason I was going there are gone," I said quickly. "There's nothing for me in Texas. And there's no way in hell I'm going back to Mississippi. It's really nice of you to find me a job or something to do around here with you. But don't you think it's still a little cowardly?"

He looked at me like I was crazy. I forget sometimes that men hate to be called cowards.

"There's two ways you could have done this," I said. "First, you could have done this the honest way. You could have just said, "Savannah, I love you and I don't want you to ever leave." Of course, that's too much for you right now. You're still trying to wrap your head around the fact that you have feelings for the white woman. You could have gotten tough with me. You could have just said, "God damn it Savannah, you're not going anywhere and that's that."

"Which one of those would have worked?" he asked quietly.

"From you...either one," I said. "But you don't have to worry about it. I'm not going anywhere until you tell me to.

I stood up and slipped around the table. I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him hard for the first time.

"Vannah," he said. His voice sounded so different. It was soft and almost like a moan escaping against his will. Everything on my body started tingling. This hug was only the first step but it was a good one.

I went back to the house and up to my room. I stepped into my shower and let my fingers do the walking as the just barely cold water cascaded down on me. After my fingers did their magic while my brain tried its best to imagine that it was him running his fingers over my sensitive parts, I got down to the business of cleaning myself.

I used some of the shampoo that Kerrie had bought me. It smelled like apples and made my hair really shiny. I stepped out of the shower and used that blow dryer to dry my hair. Was it only a year or so ago that I didn't have things like this and never had? Was it only a month or so ago that I was chained to a wall being forced to do things that I didn't want with men that I didn't like?

My OB-GYN was really nice. She already had my medical records from the hospital. She told me to eat more and that I'd need to start being careful because my body was going to begin changing itself. At that point, I still wasn't really showing but she told me that over the next few months I'd begin to look like I'd swallowed a watermelon whole and it had lodged in my lower abdomen. She told me in a few weeks we could begin to take a look at the baby using ultrasound and maybe she would even be able to determine that baby's sex. I went into shock.

"How long will it be before I can have sex again?" I asked her.

"You can still do it now," she said. "You'll be able to continue if you're careful all the way until the last few weeks, but by then you'll probably be so evil that you won't want to," she laughed.

I'd known that I was pregnant for a while but all of the ramifications of it were just beginning to settle in on me. I knew that right now when Greg looked at me, he saw me. I'm not overly pretty and I don't normally have any tits to speak of. I have great legs and an absolutely spectacular ass but he's never seen it. What is he going to think of me when, my body is all bloated and disgusting looking.

What will he think when he looks at me and realizes that not only am I carrying another man's baby, but who the man was? All the way back to the house, my mood was somber. Even Kerrie failed to cheer me up by reliving our whole conversation that morning with Greg. It was the funniest thing to her and she hadn't even been there for all of it. She was sure that he liked me too. She told me that she'd never once seen him get flustered by any person, ever before this morning.

I got back just in time for my visit with my shrink. She started off the same way she always did by trying to draw me into talking about my feelings. I don't know exactly how we got there. But we ended up talking about my feelings about the baby. She told me that the decision about what to do was up to me. There was still time for her to arrange a procedure. She reminded me that it was my body to do with as I chose. It seemed strange to me, we'd started off talking about how I felt but towards the end of the conversation she was telling me how I felt. She was just about to start reminding me that I hadn't given my consent to engaging in sex with the Druckers when there was a knock on the door leading to the house. She and I both looked up. Greg was there gesturing for her to come and speak to him for a few moments. She excused herself and left. She came back in only a few minutes and gathered all of her things. She nodded at me and quickly left.

I was more confused than ever.

Greg came over and sat down where the doctor had been sitting. "How'd your visit with your OB-GYN go?" he asked.