All Comments on 'Scare Fair Ch. 01'

First to comment on an 11 year old story? I wander(wonder) if I'm also the first to finish it? Thanksfor the heads up that this was your first attempt, but it was obvious from the opening sentence. 'Sole' means 'only': sole survivor, 'soul' means 'person': the Edmund Fitzgerald sinking claimed 29 souls. His friends split up to rush through three separate doors, but in the closing paragraph, you state the that he had three friends with him. Either two paired up, or you miscounted doors/friends. (Or like Fred & Daphney, Katy and ?? are off searching for "clues".) A child whose eyes are fixated on his candy cane is inattentive, he's not "just plain blind". Is your MC that self-centered as well as being a thief? There seemed to be little proof reading. Awkward sentences throughout. And that's only on the first page... 3* needs editing. I'll reserve further judgement until page 2.

Anon56