Seinfeld Visits Literotica

"Hey! This is just fantasy, Jerry! Lighten up," I heard some bigot writer say.

Not likely. I mean all Jews have big noses and "they" control the banks and the media, right? That's just a joke, right? The Germans didn't think so. And we all agree that gay men are pansies with a lisp, right? And lesbians are fat chicks who want to be men? Those are all fantasies, right? Sort of depends on your point of view huh? If "they" are different than you, then it is OK to rip them off?

But I guess it is still politically correct to denigrate black men as animals here on Literotica. Here we have a thinly veiled fear of blacks "stealing our women" as foundation for the fantasy. Reading some of the comments to these stories confirms this absurdity. That irrational fear is why a de facto death penalty is still on the books in some southern states for a black man raping a white woman.

I mean, I thought we Killed That Mockingbird 40 years ago.

So you "writers" who write this racist crap, male of female, make no mistake, you are bigots. Vote these people off Literotica. Or relegate them to a fetish category called Racist Smut. This ain't literature, and it ain't erotic. Shame on Laurel for allowing this insidious garbage. I mean interracial sex is cool – skin and cultural contrast and all that stuff can be a turn-on – but leave out the ridiculous animal dicks! I would rather read a forbidden story about a donkey fucking a 14 year old than yet another racist BBC story. We don't have a sordid history of hanging donkeys.

And by the way, is there any difference between black semen, white semen and Asian semen? The taste, I mean. Just asking. Sorry, I forgot African-American men have such huge balls to shoot no less than a quart of black seed into that breeding married white cunt. Another nauseating porn convention embraced by Literotica. Ever notice how whites and Asians don't BREED their 'hoes? That epithet is reserved for animals and black men. GEE, I WONDER WHY? I rest my case.

Moving right along, ever wonder about female writers who claim to tell true stories about exhibitionism? I mean wouldn't you think they would post a picture showing at least a peek of their naked butt? JUST ASKING.

And speaking of profile pictures, have any of you figured out what Laurel bin Laden's pictorial standards are. I mean I understand no boner pictures, but can't we see a little beaver from the brave, discerning woman who wants to post it? If you guys are wondering about the possibilities, compare Naughty Miranda's profile pic on Lit with the one on eroticstories.com. They were taken at the same time. Her hot stories are the same on both sites. WHAT'S THAT ALL ABOUT?

And have any of you figured out what Laurel's editorial standards are? I mean other than kinky sex that turns her on. Has any green "E" been followed by a red "H"? Inquiring minds want to know.

I can't finish this without doing one for George. As you know George was over thirty when the show ended, but was never able to quite get it going with his love life. Not that Kramer and Elaine didn't try to help him get his act together. Advice to the lovelorn little man was never in short supply.

So he wanted me to ask where the "How-to" pieces by twenty-year-olds on Lit came from? Everything from how to vacuum the pink hose to common mistakes men make on Valentine's. Or at bars. Or in bed. Oy Vay! WHAT'S UP WITH THAT?

When was the last time you asked a twenty year old for advice about anything more difficult than whether the vanilla cappuccino is any good? I want a show of hands here! Oh, I see one guy claims he asked one whether she came – again. Trust me, if you have to ask, she didn't. Well, maybe not for some 20 year olds – they haven't figured out how to let themselves go and show it yet.

Yet some of these young women, having just discovered sex, start babbling like they just invented pussy and have triumphed in the battle of the sexes. There is a word for this – Navel gazing? Self-absorbed? Oblivious? And some readers actually read these unenlightened personal anecdotes, giving favorable comments like they have just received pearls of wisdom. I guess they are just trying to sweet talk these young women into Internet bed with the fantasy of another kind of pearl necklace.

I mean I can see fucking them. But asking their opinion about anything important? I don't think so.

So, until I can return with another riff, I'll say goodbye and good stroking. Don't make a mess.