All Comments on 'Sexual Preference'

I had a hard time reading this because the language was full of large, complicated words where smaller, simpler ones would do, and many of these larger words were not used in the right context. The choice of vocabulary in this instance obscured the the story and gave it a cold, clinical feel. Being guilty of this myself, writers can sometimes get so caught up in the writing that they a) forget they are telling a story and b) don't choose a language style that is consistent with their first-person protagonists. If your main character was a Rastafarian, then he wouldn't narrate or speak like an English professor and there would be lots of "ey mon"s in there. Same goes with surfers and "dude". Granted, a varied vocabulary could be consistent with your main character, but in that case, complicated words should be used judiciously and only ever if the full meaning and context of the word is understood. I am a big fan of reading stories aloud (or at least in 'aloud' in my head). Lots of errors come to the surface when a story is read aloud and a story should really read like someone is actually telling it. A funny phenomenon happens when people switch from speaking to writing. Vocabulary changes dramatically and people start using words and phrases they wouldn't normally use in speech. That change in vocabulary at the least should be noticed. Writers write but when people read it, they read 'aloud' in their heads and when language is too different from spoken word, it's noticeable and can be jarring and uncomfortable to read. One of my pet peeves is when a writer uses a phrase like "he let out a sigh". People rarely phrase it that way in speech. Instead, they say "he sighed", and yet it is one of the most common changes in vocabulary when switching from speaking to writing. The problem with my writing, for instance, is that I am too tempted to use words and phrases my characters don't know or wouldn't ever use. The work might read beauifully but it's inconsistent with the character I have built. Stylistic choices like that on vocabulary might seem an unimportant thing, but in actuality, it has a huge impact on a story—the power to add authenticity to a work or strip credibility away. Same goes with spelling and grammar; they can often be underestimated, writers believing that rudimentary English is adequate, but they are the tools of the trade and nothing undermines a story more than spelling mistakes and grammatical errors. Call me a perfectionist but I believe writing is a true art and I never want to stop improving, even if that means wading neck-deep in a very dry and boring Wikipedia entry on the semicolon :P Sorry for the long-winded rant and the harshness of my feedback, but if it were me, though it might sting my ego, I would welcome criticisms like this because they show me where my writing needs improvement, allowing me to see my weaknesses and be a better writer next time.

What a fucktoid.

Do you understand what a fucktoid is?

Hi! Thank you for taking the time to give me some criticism, I appreciate it. After reading through your comment and then skimming through several parts of the story again, I have a lot to say in response to you. I'd also like to note that, for this story, I didn't use any editor/proofreader or the like, it was just a simple one-short that I didn't put a lot of effort into.

Firstly, you made a point on the issue of my vocabulary. I have to say that I agree with you; I don't really like how I would use words like "chagrined, ablaze, eggshell, incredulous, scarlet" and so the like, all within about the first hundred words. And through the rest of the story, I continued to make that mistake. I recognize that I could've used a lot of better, more colloquial words in place and that I made some bad word choices in a few instances.

However, for the most part, I feel that all of the words and vocabulary I used were appropriate. All of those types of words, like the ones I listed, convey a lot of meaning beyond any kind of simpler synonym I could've used. The real problem that I had when using them is that I didn't space them out far enough. I think that my word choices and vocabulary would've been integrated into the story better if I had just spaced them out better, and not doing so is what highlighted them to seem so misplaced. Yet, as far as the vocabulary itself, I would disagree. I think I did an excellent job with how much variety and color I had in my vocabulary choices, even if there were some spelling mistakes, but that the pace in which I applied these vocabulary choices was rushed and that made them seem too frequent. ...In which case, you're right, using simpler words instead of some of the larger ones would help to cut down on how often they appeared, and made the story better by making complicated words appear less.

Next, you also touched on the point of the comparison between saying "he let out a sigh" and "he sighed." I have to completely agree with you here that the latter style is a lot better, more direct, and says what I need to say in a better way than the former style. Though, it's something that I have a lot of trouble recognizing and adjusting. I have a history of reading a lot of fanfiction rather than professional literature, and because the first style comes to a writer so much more naturally, it just appears more commonly, in my writing too. Avoiding that is a change that I need to make, but I suppose I'm not having much success.

Finally, there was the issue of staying in character and using the verbiage correctly based on that character. This story, and all of my writing, follows the same type of firstperson narrative flow. But, while it is narrated in firstperson, it isn't necessarily the mind of the protagonist speaking in the writing. The thing is that most proper writing has an omnipresent narration, italicized writing for whenever the protagonist is thinking, and dialogue for when the protagonist is speaking in the story. For me, I have a really difficult time trying to write like this, and have always gone back to the same style of blurring the lines between all three of those concepts. My narration is firstperson, my thoughts are integrated within the narration and not highlighted with italics, and my dialogue is just pasted in where it fits. I kind of take everything that should be distinctly separate, and mess it in together, which can obscure the story. Especially so when you combine that with how poorly I admit that I used my vocabulary here and didn't space that out enough, making it too frequent.

Honestly, having just written so plainly about all of these obvious mistakes in my writing, I feel like this story should be getting a much worse rating than it currently is. For a first attempt, it really is amateurish. Yet, I really need to thank you sincerely for helping to point out a lot of what you didn't like about it. This has been a learning experience for me, and I'll take it to heart with my next story. Hopefully I'll have improved with it.

Cheers, and take care.

Ack :( I didn't realise this was your first story. I'm such an asshole. If I was paying closer attention, I would have realised that and given you a lot more support and encouragement. In the beginning, we all are trying to find our way and it comes to us with time. I remember the first time someone gave me feedback 'telling it like it is' and my first reaction was "Are you serious??! My story is great!!" Then I started to think about what she was saying and I realised she was right, then I realised just how much I had to learn about writing and the fact that I would probably still be learning about it when I die of old age (assuming I get that far). I actually thought you were a seasoned writer (hence the feedback). I realise this is totally inadequate as an offering but you could call it a kind of compliment? I would normally never give feedback like that to someone new because it's not what they need just yet, so I am so sorry :( i also should add that I was mostly generalising about writers as a whole and that not all of that was about your story (particularly what I said about spelling and grammar). It takes great courage and passion to write a story and post it, particularly in this genre, which can be quite confronting to write until you get used to it. Keep up with it, don't let bastards like me get you down. True talent and art rises from the ashes of a thousand rejections and criticisms, fuelled by passion, determination (or obsession) and inspiration. Every story will be better than the one before.

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"fucktoid", noun, colloq. (plural "fucktoids")

The word 'fucktoid' is a colloquial term, a play on the word "factoid", and is used to describe lots of things, including people who sling insults from behind the safety of anonymous usernames.

Feel free to criticise the crap out of one of my stories :P I deserve it and I owe you one for being so harsh.

Didn't find it "clinical" at all, just very, very hot. Please don't be discouraged - I would say that your writing is superior to most on this site. Keep going.

Hey again, thanks for commenting!

Yeah, I totally understand. It's A-OK; I know I've got a lot to learn, and critical feedback is something I appreciate equally as much as a typical 'good job!' You don't need to worry about a lot of the things you sound anxious over, I really do respect what you had to say, as brutally honest as it was.

I love this type of genre. Romance, like my boyfriend, is very close to my heart. Rest assured, you didn't dissuade me at all. I'm pleased to have any and all feedback.

Thank you and cheers!

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Thank you for your feedback, anon-kun. As aforementioned, I've still got a long way to go with writing, so hopefully that's only upwards. Cheers for your support, take care!

So very hot indeed! I could feel not only the sexuality but the emotion as well!

Thanks for reading and commenting, I'm glad you enjoyed!

Cheers :3

I give you 5 stars. I found your story very HOT, I even shot off reading it. Yes some of the wording could be changed. That being said I think you came across well, for your 1st time. I am no writer, just a reader and it was fine.

Hey, thanks a lot! That's a pretty big compliment, honestly. And yes, I'll try to be more critical with my vocabulary the next time around.

Cheers!

I loved this story and thought it had an amazing ending. Only recommendation

I have is for you to hurry up and make chapter two!!!

Essentially, Scatterblooded, to me the story reads like English is your second language - understandable but a bit awkward. Sounds harsh but it's just my opinion. (You may wish to dismiss the thoughts of an Anon, as others on Lit seem to do, but I felt compelled to add my two cents' worth).

Regardless, I did think the story was hot. I love these friends-become-more plotlines, especially when one or both of the protagonists change their perception of their sexuality, which I think you hinted at. I wanted to know more about the relationship of the roommates before all of this happened. Please keep writing.

I loved your work. It was hot, sexy, playful, cute and romantic. This is the kind of story I like. This isn't an English Literature class, contrary to Akshun Love's scathing criticism. The idea is to share your stories with all of us excited fans and keep us turned on, breathing heavy, and completely hooked. Also to keep us hanging on evey word and dying to read the next chapter or story. To quote someone else, Akshun Love is a fucktoid(and a dickhead or bitch, whichever applies). Keep us entertained and coming back for more. ;-)

I failed to see how you'd turn that into a sexy, romantic and interesting piece, but you amazingly did and it's awesome.