All Comments on 'She's Addictive Ch. 01'

...& it was all necause he can't get his foot out of his mouth long enougth to tell this attractive girl about his 'perfume' mistake!

It's a good start to your story, but it seemed rushed. Things were happening too quickly and the chapter seemed too short. I notice that two of your chapters drop at the same time, maybe you can combine those to make a more satisfying chapter for your readers. Maybe give more details about your characters, more meaningful interactions or something like that. Also, mine's is not a word that people use. Have you ever said it in conversation? If you have, stop using it (because it's WRONG) and stop writing it too. It's just 'mine'. Leave off the 's because it's killing me. Or maybe just get an editor and let them correct it for you. They may even have ideas on how to lengthen your chapters and flesh them out a bit. I'm sorry if it seems harsh, I just had to speak my mind and, who knows, it might make you a better author.

You talk about being swept away, this is the epitome of it. Dang-it was a female that did it this time!!!

She one tough cookie isn't she. Haha.

Really dude, just that quick you forgot you had a girlfriend that you supposedly love

Short needs a reason a natural break or a hidden one.

Not just a space between letters.