All Comments on 'Sold Ch. 01'

A little short but I'm interested to see what comes next.

So now we know we are in for a 'torture fest' by a perverted, gutless, psychopath who belongs in a high security prison. This is as far as I read.

The story itself seems promising, but you should do a little editing.

You attempt to straddle that line of bdsm and dubious consent. You have warned us of darkness to come, fair enough. Will you be able to maintain an edgy story without devolving to the torture porn checklist? This is an interesting start for a first story. We'll watch were you go with it.

It was a great start to your story! But...the grammar and spelling were atrocious and made it somewhat difficult to read. Please edit it!

You took was is a well used story line (forced sexual slavery) and made it more original with the girl giving herself voluntarily for her family's benefit; but then go an add the over-used abduction scenario. Why? She already agreed to the contract. It was a done deal. You could had them show up at her door and take her away or have her just report to an address on a prearranged date. So why write in an unneeded abduction scene? There we some minor spelling and grammar issues. That said, it looks like a good start; please don't turn it into a multi-chapter torture-fest. Rough sex and BDSM is entertaining, non-stop torture of an innocent is a turnoff. And try to think of some sort of happy ending for this girl. She's already getting a raw deal, having to pay for her parents' mistakes.

You could make this work, but it will take some effort. Keep at it.

It would be a shame if it degenerated into, as Phil_Patsfan said below, a gratuitous torture-fest, so please keep it edgy - as edgy as you like - without going completely OTT. We can only suspend our disbelief for so long if things get too out of hand.

It is also far too obvious that you haven't properly re-written this before submitting it and you could probably benefit from the input of an experienced author to make your work accessible.

That said, well done and thank you for the story and please keep working on it - it has a lot going for it. Four stars for a good effort.

As said previously ...she's signed up for it ...they didn't need to nab her off the street.

It is so annoying when she's supposed to be in terror and fear but you have her moaning in desire when he touches her breast ....bullshit.The fear would kill ANY desire .Yes there is fear in BDSM of the unknown BUT only with trust and certainly not straight away whilst in that sort of scenario ...just for once couldn't a story try not to have the heroine not having orgasms all over the place when they are supposed to be terrified.Later maybe, as she's trained .I also fail to see how a human size cage fits in to a limo boot but I'll suspend my disbelief until we see what chapter 2 brings..

To bail her family out, an 18 year old girl signs a voluntary slave contract. She's not taken right away out of respect for her family. Two years later as she leaves her job in a diner, she forcibly taken, stripped and put up for auction.

The action is fast paced and the story well told.

However some items are troubling: why was there delay in taking, why did she need to be forcibly taken as opposed to being asked to report in, what was lfe like fortwo years looking over her shoulder wondering when the blow would fall.