by Da_Captain
It read like the plot line for some X rated sex comedy. The girls would have had to be going to Whorehouse U. for all that sex to be happening all at one time. I'd drop the concept and try a story a little more tame and thus believable.
good start, hope you write more...
and be sure to get some of that redhead =)
Jumped around a little bit but for a first effort nice... keep em coming