All Comments on 'Stepping in the River, Twice Ch. 04'

The end? If so it was abrupt and unsatisfying...just my opinion.

The story had so much potential... then it abruptly stopped with an unsatisfying ending , too many loose ends, too many unanswered questions.. Maybe a rewrite ???/

This author can write very well, with compelling and challenging storylines and good flow. So, it is particularly disappointing when he mails it in with a chapter like this. I don't even know where to begin. Obviously, this chapter (and the others in the series) would have benefitted from some simple editing. Moreover, this chapter was all over the place in terms of content: abrupt, internally inconsistent (breakfast after Sunday Mass, then suddenly it's a Thursday). No explanations for some wild and irrational behavior by the characters. Where did the recording from Jenny come from? I mean, WTF? This chapter was a complete mess. Too bad.

If this is the end it's a little fucked up. If there's more I'll just say carry on. There is more to this tale. At least he got the divorce.

Secrets not secretes.

It's a discharge, honey. Why do you ask?

Arghhh... it's secret!

You shot through your ending at the speed o flight after dragging your heels to that point. The ending gave no satisfaction, little information, and left the reader wondering WTF just happened?

"Her tests were an attempt to verify I was true to her, that I still loved her, and hide her liaisons with her boss."

The only test I can remember was relayed to him by Jenny and involved the kiss she had with Stan. So how was that an attempt to hide her liaison with her boss?

The main character may be satisfied with never having answers, but people don't read stories to not get answers. I read to get a glimpse into other people's lives. He never bothers to get answers when he returns from the Philippines. He doesn't bother to get answers after he catchers her fucking Stan. Then he waits several months and decides he wants to reconcile. And then he is surprised to find out she is still hooking up with Stan. Really? When you don't bother to get answers, don't be surprised when the truth comes out and smacks you in the face. Hire a detective and tap your phone lines to get you some answers and help you make an educated choice.

A poorly constructed storyline that started strong and simply deteriorated.

But I have to admit that I enjoy your writing and your characters. Perhaps letting or making Margo talk in the confrontations would have clarified a lot of points in the story. What happened to Phong To? I have to admit that Jenny sounds to me like bad news and if she had shown up before the divorce was final, I would suspect that she was working for Margo again. She is a typical double agent and can't be trusted.

But I found it an enthralling but slightly mysterious story.

Started strong, but with each chapter it seemed the writer gradually lost interest in the story.

Decent start but this brainfart of a chapter made no sense and now reads more like a cheesy daytime soap opera.

Felt like a train wreck. Too many sudden changes and plot twists, with no real thought into what the author was doing with each character. The conversation in the restaurant would have been a great place to let the reader know EXACTLY what was going on, but it was wasted on his speculation and rant. Granted, he had every right to rant at all three of them, and rant he did. BUT, and you KNEW there was a BUT coming, we are STILL left in the dark as to WHY everything played out as it did. Contrived tales with last-second additions and inexplicable plot twists don't sit well with me, and don't sit well with most readers.

The ending was just shy of decent. It would have been a LOT better with a real conversation with Jenny as to why she had done what she'd done, and what was REALLY going on.. And Stan didn't even work for Margo's new office!!!

I was hoping for a lot more than this tale provided. 2 Stars.

This is becoming way too weird. Characters don't make sense any more.

Not quite ready for Phil 101 yet.

We had 'secrete' in prior chapters, but scattered. Now it is clear that we are getting Theology 001 from an author who cannot spell 'secret!' I enjoyed the claim that 'women have secretes!' Usually not used as a noun, but an accurate statement...often they are 'secret secretes!' At least visually...olfactory is perhaps a different issue (sometimes!)

I CAN wait for the conclusion. I'll read it (and probably comment on it) but it will have to be miraculous to rescue this plate of spaghetti.

There are a couple of really stupid people out there. The wife was not JUST caught kissing STAN one time in her office by the husband. If you recall the previous chapter (chapter 3).. the husband found out that

1) it was not a one time thing

2) it was not some sort of bizarre test / scheme concocted by the wife at all

3) it had been part of a long-term affair that had been going on for least a few months.

One can make a moral debate as to whether not the husband should be able to judge anybody given what he did with jenny overseas in the Philippines. And everybody's view and morality about this will be different

.

***BUT... .whether not the husband went with Jenny to the Philippines and did or did not have sex with her ....had nothing to do with the fact that the wife engaged in a long-term affair with Stan in her office.

NOTHING.

Also.. what went on to the Philippines had nothing to do with the fact she came up with a bizarre scheme /TEST idea to cover her tracks the coming up with this massive deception.

In the very beginning, we were informed that this was a 5 chapter story. It looked like this was the last chapter to many of us as it was so short and seemed final. This writer does some very interesting stories where the husband finds a way to forgive an errant wife with some very serious cheating issues. I guess my question would be why was this chapter such a brief mess if there is another chapter yet to go? Did anyone see an actual 'test' anywhere in the story. The guy keeps referring to tests but if it quakes like a duck....

The story IMO ...is an abject failure because the author does one of the oldest tricks in the book but which drives me absolutely bat shit crazy with frustration. When you have fairly long stores like this the husband often is coming to grips with trying to make a decision about what to do with the marriage.

And in order to ease the reconciliation option within the story the author has the Husband altering reality ... OR forgetting the Key most egregious and abhorrent actions ... OR upon occasion changing the sequence of events as to what has actually transpired in the story.

for example in this chapter the husband thinks

...:Five months or more, had passed since I'd walked in on Margo and Stan, kissing. Since her confession I have not touched her but I have not divorced her..."

That is not even close to what has actually happened.

The wife was not JUST caught kissing STAN one time in her office by the husband. If you recall the previous chapter (chapter 3).. the husband found out that

1) it was not a one time thing

2) it was not some sort of bizarre test / scheme concocted by the wife at all

3) it had been part of a long-term affair that had been going on for least a few months.

There may be a reason WHY the author has decided to have the husband focus on the one kiss and ignore all the other bad shit that the wife has done

From an interesting starting chapter this story has turned into a gigantic pile of utter shit. As a reader it feels like the author has tried write a complex tale full of drama and twists and turns but lacks the skills to do so.

I also got the impression from Sophist801 comments in a previous chapter that they not only misunderstand the concept of a paradox but is completely hung up on the idea and the result is this very badly crafted tale.

None of the actions of any of the characters make any sense at all not to mention none of the most basic question that should be going through the hubby's head are either considered or asked.

Even worse, the whole religious angle gets forced into the story and suddenly the husband thinks he is being the asshole?

Margo is loose women and he stays for 6 months only to see her with Stan again . Give us all a break she admitted to multiple affairs. And why bring god and the church into the mix. Man believed in idiols so some men made religion , Jesus the most famous name in all of history was a Jew. So we got Christians and man wrote every bible.And religion was mans bigest killer of people till this day. What has this got to do with him being a wimp and a fool.at one time in history even priests married in the Catholic Church. This story is ridiculous .the first two chapters were good.then he went downhill.

.....oddly, I do see the story....the idea you are working to explore.What failed you is the editing.....(not the T's crossed, I's dotted plus spell check)...the concept presentation.. ie

...in the beginning Catholicism was related more to Margo's perspective...was no need to "Catholicize" Matthew, just him actively considering it as a possible basis for the so called test would have sufficed.

Highlighting the point at which Margo realized she had a marriage worth saving(may not have been love)....and active roles and motives for both or at least one of Jenny and Stan, to add greater intrigue .....

as a draft manuscript 5*+, as an end product...mmmmm? 3*

You had a good story line to begin with but your writing got in the way. Too bad, but I still gave you points for trying.

Reading this story brought on a memory of a particularly pompous college lit professor I had my freshman year of college. He was a quasi-intellectual ass who obviously gained great delight in talking down to his (mostly freshman) class. I may not be the sharpest knife on the tree, but I'm pretty bright. It wasn't long before I realized he was full of shit, and started to call him on it. To preserve his overinflated ego, he simply insisted that I was missing the point, and dismissed my challenges as off-topic.

I get that vibe from these last 2 chapters. The author is a bright person, and I think is trying to get to something. However, in ignoring obviously important story details and dismissing them as not worth mentioning or too much to share in this story, he is talking down to the readership and insulting us. Guess what? Many here, including HDK, for instance, know a thing or 2 about what makes a good story, and the author is clearly missing the boat. Why? Doesn't matter.

The "why's" and "how's" of a story are important; not everything needs to be explained, but enough does or otherwise we have a character on whom actions are taken for no real reason, and who then takes actions with no real understanding. And, THAT is not good reading.

Maybe Chapter 5 will redeem this tale. I hope so, as I have actually enjoyed most of this author's work in the past.

Where is this going I have to many questions as to why and how this all fits together. Where is Jenny in all this is she a friend or lover or both to the wife. The wife is a really messed up person or is really playing head games with her spouse. waiting for chapter 5.

This story has gone downhill and the "going" includes writing errors, spelling errors, general rambling and excessive repetition, not to mention poor credibility. There is really no eroticism in this story any more -- the description of sex between Margo and Matthew (before Matthew became "celibate") was as mechanical and unemotional as might be an automated dildo pistoning in and out of a blow-up doll.

Matthew seems a pious hypocrite who is literally all fucked up. Has either partner ever heard of counseling? The concept of sleeping in the same bed as one's wayward wife is repugnant and foolish -- why would any man do that? What about a private detective? Please author, get an editor and consider writing a story outline (prior to actual writing of the story) to maintain logic, consistency, and avoid duplication. Low score, but withholding final judgment until last chapter is posted.

I'm sure you are not shrink or something close to that. the problem is you try. it's almost like a hypochondriac who googles every possible disease and think this would make the arc of suspense in your story. the problem is you never come clear what Margos problems are besides a dumb, greedy bitch with a lot of inferiority complexes. but who should be able to follow you ? nobody. you see a story is only then a good story when the reader is able to follow the story. like in a movie, if you don't get it, you go out of the cinema and think how much million did this guy waste on this film. that's what you do. Jenny ? aswell as Margo are ghosts they don't exist. he can stand up from that table and just go out and his souvenirs about them are gone. you won't remember something you can't link to your emotions. Stan is a obvious case. which fat old guy would not go for young pretty women if offered. a clear case of greed and power.....you don't forget him. the women ? why should anybody waste a second for somebody who does never commit to anything. bury them and go on. no need to waste a second.

you have to make a statement. No guy on the long run will fall for the feminine wiles again and again.

Oozing a liquid, as in secretion. Secret, now that's what you meant, right? Repeating that error in the conclusion made the whole story a comedy. After seeing Jenny with wifey and her lover, why on earth would he then have any attraction to her? This is just one example of the lack of believability.

WTF!!!!!

At this miserable point the only reaction to this crap is to just stop reading.

@ anon 07/06/13

You're doing yourself a favor as chapter 5 is even worse :(

It's even better than making breakfast for "Margo and I."

You are almost too weird to read.

Really? You misspell secret five times? Ruined the chapter for me. Not sure I want to know what she secretes. Kind of nasty.

Tell me there's going to be a payoff for wading through all the weird.

" What women don't have secretes?" None that I know of... Come to think on it, maybe realtors are weirder than lawyers? Nah...