All Comments on 'Surprise Party Surprise'

Terrible grammer. Misspelled words. And confusing use of the first person. One time "I" is a woman and another it's a man.

Get an editor.

Agree with previous comment........ Get an editor!!!!!!!!!

Well this was very badly written. Get a good editor. I agree with the others.

Fun story but get a proofreader

Stories like this, written by teenaged boys, always give me a laugh. The characters are inevitably guys who can fuck all night, come ten times and always get it up again, while the women all have 40DD breasts, constantly wet pussies, and an unending stream of orgasms. In other words, it's a huge fantasy with zero realism. It's OK if you accept it as the silliness it is, but don't try to tell me it really happens...ever.

I'll add my too bits wurth on the writing, it socks, so their!

BTW - LarryinSeattle, if you're going to criticize the grammar, you should first spell the word correctly.

Once I came 10 times in a girl I picked up in a bar. Then I went home and did the old lady (after telling her about the girl) two times. My best night ever. I was 30. I had invited the bar girl (nice Ds) home to meet the girlfriend, but she was not interested. So 5 or 7 cums at a hot party? Sure. Why not. Just a good day for me. (Average was 4 in those days).

I liked the story. But you really need an editor. I did not take off points for style.

It was particularly bad when you slipped into dialogue but didn't bother to present it as such, and I was left trying trying to work out how a guy could 'rape' his husband Bill. For fuck's sake, get an editor.

The grammar started off OK and then after the first sentence it went to shit. Please learn to write dialogue properly.