Susan, Josh and I

***

Five weeks before Christmas, on the verge of the holidays, Susan appeared at our door. She had clearly been crying, her eyes were puffy and red and a couple of telltale smudges of mascara remained on her cheeks, despite an effort to remove them. Her hair, normally so wavy and healthy looking, now hung in a bedraggled tangle around her shoulders, the blonde colour seemingly fading away. I ushered her into our house and as the door closed behind her she burst into tears and turning to me I hugged her tightly. Her body was racked by sobs and although I had no idea what was wrong, the pure depth of her sorrow made my eyes well up in tears of empathy.

Eventually I was able to lead her into the living room and sit her down, extricating myself from her arms to sit beside her and slide an arm around her shoulders. Spent, her tears subsided and finally she was able to sigh deeply and talk. As she did she leaned against me and I realised that now, after all this time, I was an equal friend with Josh. She didn't even ask where he was, instead she launched into a babbling, sob punctuated account of how she had gone to work this morning to find all her possessions in a box at the security counter, along with a letter informing her that the company restructure had left her position redundant and thanks for her time. The similarity with my sacking ended there as her redundancy payout was minimal. Worse still, she had run up some rather large debts for Christmas presents and had no idea how she could pay any rent beyond next week. But the final blow was waiting for her when she returned home. On her answering machine was a message from James explaining that his company was transferring him to London and that he had only two days to prepare his move. Goodbye.

I didn't believe that James was moving to London and couldn't find the time to tell Susan face to face. Goodbye via an answering machine? What kind of a coward was he? I was angry, very angry, at James, angry at Susan's bosses who had fired her in a manner reminiscent of my firing. I was even angry at Josh, who as a workmate of James must have known what his friend was thinking, but had failed to share that with me.

'Do you want a cup of tea?' I asked Susan as she finally slumped back on the sofa.

'Fuck that Alex, give me something to drown my sorrows.' She must have noticed a look of concern cross my face for she offered me a wan smile and added, 'And join me.'

'Ah, what the fuck,' I said and soon we were working our way through a bottle of vodka. By the time Josh returned home we had dusted off Alanis Morrisette's "Jagged Little Pill" and were playing it at near full volume, singing along with all the angry bits, which was most of the album you may recall.

'What the fuck is going on here?' he asked when he was able to fight through us and turn down the volume.

'My fucking company made me redundant,' Susan slurred matter-of-factly.

'And your fucking heartless mate dumped her by answering machine!' I added vehemently

'What?' Josh stood there looking from me to Susan and back again, mouth slightly open in disbelief.

'He's got to go to London...' I began.

'...to visit the Queen,' Susan interrupted.

'James took the London job?' Josh looked incredulous.

'You knew about this and didn't tell me?' My anger began to bubble upwards again.

'Hang on,' he protested. 'Sit down and listen up.' He flicked the stereo off, ignoring our pouts as we collapsed onto the sofa in a heap, vodka splashing over our clothes. 'Yesterday, Martin Skipshaw, who was to go to London full time, resigned. This morning, they offered me the position on a temporary basis for six months. Unaccompanied.' He said this last word as he looked at me and my anger melted completely away. 'After telling them no, I heard nothing else.' He walked across the room and sat next to Susan, putting her between us. We slipped our arms around her and rocked back and forth.

'I'm sorry about James,' Josh said. 'Are you sure he said that it was over?'

'Yes,' she snivelled. 'He said that long distance relationships never worked out so it was better that we end now while we're on good terms.' Her voice broke as she said this and I squeezed her tightly. I had lost the taste for the vodka and so had Susan, our "sister's anger" had gone.

'I'm so tired,' she said in a little girl lost voice. I led her upstairs and tucked her into the spare bed. I sat next to her as she lay there, listening to her ragged breathing punctured by the occasional sniffle. I stroked her hair until her breathing deepened and softened, then quietly slipped out of the room and closed the door behind me.

Josh smiled at me as I walked down the stairway. 'Thanks,' he said.

'What for?'

'Being her friend.' I walked to him and we hugged. I could smell the faintest trace of the cologne he had splashed on this morning.

'I love you, and I guess that means I love Susan too.'

'She's like that isn't she?' We stood in silence for a while and then moved to the kitchen. Without being asked, Josh began to prepare some pasta for dinner. I realised that despite the emotional rollercoaster of the afternoon, I was both drunk and hungry.

'Should I talk to James?'

'I thought about that. Let's see how she pulls up in the morning. If she seems to need more then we can get him here.'

'Yeah, good idea,' James rejoined. 'If I know her and I guess I do,' he smiled at the saucepan he was stirring, 'she may be over him tomorrow, if you know what I mean.'

'As in putting up a wall and locking him out?'

'Exactly.'

I watched him cook for a while, sipping on a glass of water that I didn't really want but that my body and brain needed. Susan had told me that she had planned to spend Christmas in town, away from the chaos of her family get togethers, but unless she got a job almost immediately, she would not have enough money to pay the rent. She would be forced to go home for Christmas and probably stay until she got a new job in the new year. We both knew that there was no way she was going to find employment this close to Christmas.

'We should invite her to stay here.' The words just popped out of my mouth.

'What?'

'She's broke, no in fact she's probably insolvent. Just over Christmas and until she gets a new job. That'll help her finances out.'

'Babe, I love Susan dearly, but I don't want to live with the two of you, just with you.'

'And I love that you say that. But she's your - our best friend and she needs help.'

'Just until she gets a new job,' Josh said after a short pause. He continued to stir the sauce in a slow circular motion. Had he been disagreeing with my idea I knew that he would increase the stirring pace until the discussion was over.

'Yes. And we'll make that clear when we talk to her in the morning.'

'Okay.' He looked up and smiled broadly at me and my heart melted again.

***

Two weeks later we moved Susan's possessions into our house, filling the spare bedroom and the garage.

***

Christmas eve was a stinking hot Melbourne summer day, with a dry wind gusting from the north. It was a Friday and although I had finished work for the year, Josh was required to work through the day. We had decided that although we would spend Christmas Day with his family, the three of us, Susan, Josh and I, would celebrate Christmas Eve together. It was one of the fateful decisions in the chain, but I couldn't see that at the time.

I was stunned when I heard the front door open and Susan walked in. Her long blonde hair was gone. Not just the long, but the blonde too. Black. Jet black. I stood there wordlessly as she pirouetted in front of me. She hadn't gone GI Jane on us, though clippers had been used on the back. Short, sharp and stylish. Very stylish. I had never realised how slender her neck was and this new hairstyle accentuated that.

'You hate it,' she said and her face began to fall.

'No,' I stood up in haste, dropping my magazine on the floor. 'No! I love it!' Her smile widened again and she pirouetted once more. I couldn't help myself and had to reach out and touch the nape of her neck.

'You've got one sexy neck,' I said.

'Do you think so?'

'Uh huh?' I let my hand slide onto the skin at the back of her neck. 'And this looks great. You look younger.'

'Oooh,' she crowed, 'you aren't trying to pick me up are you Alex?' I blushed and dropped my hand, stepping away.

'Drink?' I asked.

'Sure, but today we'll take it easy until Josh gets home.'

'Good idea.'

It felt good to sit with Susan and chat. She wasn't over James, but she was looking to the future already. The Friday that her world had collapsed had been the worst day of her life but today was a new start. Tears welled up once as she thanked me again for inviting her in. But it was all smiles and Neo, a Darwin based funk fusion happy band that greeted Josh when he arrived home just after one in the afternoon.

'Honey, your man is home and there's no more work until after Christmas!' Josh dropped his briefcase along with his jaw as he saw Susan. I laughed as I realised that the expression he wore was the same one that I had worn only a few hours before. Like me, he loved it. Unlike me he neither touched the short hair or caressed her neck.

'Let's celebrate the new me,' Susan said. 'I have the grand total of fifty eight dollars to my name, having, under instructions from my insolvency manager Alexandra Lee, paid my credit card minimum amount and settled those debts that just couldn't wait. I hereby donate all of that to tonight's festivities...

'No, don't do that...' Josh and I stumbled over each other's protest.

'Oh shut the fuck up, the pair of you,' she laughed. 'Fifty eight bucks isn't going to get me from here to anywhere. I want to waste it on the two people I love most.' There was a slightly uncomfortable silence, so I broke it.

'What're Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston going to do with fifty eight bucks?'

'You idiot,' Susan said, laughing loudly.

'Aussie dollars at that,' Josh added, trying to sound serious. 'That's worth barely thirty US.'

'Yeah, yeah, then I want to waste it on my second favourite couple.'

Josh was sent back out onto the streets with a shopping list that included cocktail ingredients and some foodstuffs. By the time he returned the alcohol was rushing to my head and I was on a high. Susan was too and we yelled in delight when the front door opened. He shook his head in the manner that sober people do when confronted by the drunk and deposited the shopping on the counter.

'Okay ladies,' he laughed, 'how about taking it a little slower so you don't both pass out by four o'clock?' We both giggled and sat on the couch to watch him prepare the first cocktail. Josh took his time, referring to a cocktail book that he had bought while he had been shopping.

'Hey,' I said as an idea hit me to stop me becoming bored with waiting. 'Why don't we have an pool party?'

'Great idea,' Susan exclaimed and we dashed upstairs to change into our cossies. Feeling tipsy, I selected my smallest bikini top and a pair of tight fitting boys pants, all in black. The pants were a little too small and if you looked closely you could see parts of my anatomy that only my lovers should be able to see. But as I said, I was feeling tipsy and on top of the world - indestructible.

Susan had opted for a bikini too, a bright yellow one that was fairly conventional though it arched high over her hips to give her legs a longer appearance. She was stepping through the glass doors clutching a bloody mary, and one was waiting for me. Josh smiled at me appreciatively, kissed me on the lips then disappeared upstairs to get changed. I briefly wondered if he had given Susan the same look when she had sauntered down the stairs, but dismissed it as I stepped outside to join her.

The rest of the afternoon became a blur of cocktails, singing along to music and sitting in the cool water as the hot wind blustered around us. The spa bubbled for a while, then we would turn it off to soak, then on again. As night fell we served up a concoction of dips, olives, meats, vegetables, cheeses and fruits by the side of the pool. I had switched from the cocktails to vodka on the rocks, trying to calm my stomach which was disagreeing with the creamy cocktail Susan had made. The spa was on again and we had quietened down a little, each reflecting on different thoughts. I was wondering what condition I would be in tomorrow for the drive to meet Josh's parents and for a moment, considered stopping the alcohol all together. I did want to make a good impression after all. Then sanity returned and I drained my drink.

'Hey,' Susan said as I stood up to get a refill.

'Another?' I asked.

'No,' she replied, waving her free hand wildly. 'How far can you spit an olive pip?'

'What?' I was confused. Josh was smiling in a manner that suggested he had heard this asked before.

'How far can you spit an olive pip?' Susan repeated the question as though I hadn't heard it.

'I have no idea,' I replied.

'Okay, go get your drink, then come back and we'll have a spitting competition.'

It turned out that I could spit a pip a lot further than I imagined. Susan refused to believe that I had never tried it before, decrying my efforts as an attempt to shark her.

'Don't you have to have a bet for someone to shark someone else?'

'Good idea,' she grinned. 'Best of three attempts wins.'

'Wins what?' I laughed as I spoke. I was really enjoying myself and the company of my best friends.

'I dunno,' Susan said. 'Whatcha reckon Josh?'

'Don't ask me, I'm not getting involved.'

'Chickenshit,' Susan said. I laughed again. 'In that case you're the judge, out of the pool.' Reluctantly Josh stepped out of the water and took up a position in the garden near where we had been targetting our trial runs. I looked at him, semi naked, water streaming down his body and felt a tingle between my thighs.

'I know,' I turned to Susan conspiratorially. 'How game are you?'

'Pretty game,' she replied a little coyly.

'We bet our tops, loser has to take hers off.'

'Hey, that's not exactly fair,' Susan said, though she grinned as she said it. 'I mean, Josh gets to play with your tits all the time, he's never seen mine.'

'Chickenshit,' I replied and sat back down, looking again at my man who was beginning to look a little impatient.

'You're on,' Susan said after a short silence. I went first and spat my first pip at Josh who jumped a little to get out of the way. He marked my spot with a small pink cocktail umbrella. Susan's he marked with a blue one and after the first round she was clearly ahead. My second fell short and remained unmarked, as did hers. My final attempt leapfrogged all efforts and was marked as the leader.

'Pressure's on,' I murmed as Susan chewed on an olive.

'Yeah right,' she retorted, then spat a whopper that hit the fence on the full. Josh roared with laughter and Susan stared triumphantly at me and I knew that I had been sharked.

'Bugger me,' I said and promptly unclipped my bikini top and threw it onto the poolside paving. Josh stared in disbelief as he walked back to join us.

'What the hell?'

'That was the bet Joshy boy,' Susan said, her eyes sparking as she ran her gaze across my chest. I recalled the feel of the hair on the back of her neck and felt my nipples harden, so I slipped under the foaming water.

'You sharked her big time,' he replied, slipping in between us again.

'Uh-uh,' Susan shook her head. 'The bet was her idea completely.'

'Well don't let me stop you,' he added.

I can hear your thoughts again. An olive pip spitting competition? What the hell kind of fantasy is this? The reality is that unexpected sexual encounters usually occur from unexpected situations. That's my experience anyway.

At about eleven we staggered inside. The cool water had gone a long way to keeping my reaction to the alcohol under control and I felt a second wind coming on. Susan and Josh were charged too and we moved inside, closed the doors and drapes and turned up the music. I had left my top outside without thinking about it. I was so used to being topless and my friends had made so little fuss over it, that the thought of replacing it didn't even occur to me. Another round of drinks followed, then Susan ran upstairs to her room, returning with her camera.

'Josh, come on, get a picture of us girls.' She stood next to me and slid an arm around my waist, and rested her head on my shoulder.

'Ah, Alex, would you like to put some clothes on?' Josh enquired with a smile. I looked down at my breasts and laughed.

'Nah, let's give Susan one to remember them as they are when we're all old and grey and they hang down around my knees.' Josh shrugged and framed the shot. The flash exploded and for a moment I could see nothing. As we waited for our eyes to recover, Susan tilted her head back and whispered in my ear.

'Would it be okay if I took mine off too?'

'Absolutely,' I replied without hesitating. Earlier I had expected that she would go topless in the pool. Josh had turned away to put the camera on the kitchen bench when Susan called on him to take another. I saw his eyes widen as he turned to face us again, and I looked at Susan. Her top was a small yellow puddle around her ankles. Her breasts were lovely, full and rounded with dark brown nipples the size of ten cent pieces.

'Ah okay,' Josh stammered and for the first time that evening I saw his composure slip. Another shot was taken, then I insisted on one with him. I pressed my breast against his side and felt the coolness of his skin against the heat in mine.

'You two next,' I directed. They stood side by side, a little awkward with their bodies apart. 'C'mon, you guys don't look like friends, you look like a brother and sister! Get closer.' They did, but I ordered them closer until they were partly turned toward each other and Susan's breasts were touching his chest.

Finally we balanced the camera to take a picture of the three of us, Josh in the centre and us girls hugging him. His smile indicated that he was comfortable again and the night progressed.

Just after midnight, my head swimming with alcohol, tiredness, lust and happiness, my thoughts began to wander towards sex. I was sitting on the floor, leaning against the coffee table, watching Josh who was seated next to Susan on the sofa. I wanted the night to go on forever, but I also wanted Josh in bed with me. I wanted him quite badly at that stage, but knew that in another hour or so, I would be passed out. I was imagining him leaning against the stair rail as I went down on him when the words just blurted out of my mouth.

'Do you think guys would give better head to a guy than a girl can?'

'Sure,' Susan said as Josh looked at me with raised eyebrows.

'Well I mean, a guy knows what would feel good...'

'That assumes that he's been given a head job, and a good one, in the first place,' Josh replied.

'Hey, yeah,' Susan agreed, sitting up, her breasts swaying slightly as she moved. 'I hadn't thought of that.'

'Well, a guy is going to know what feels good just from all the wanking he does,' I said. 'From there it can't be that much of a step to a head job.'

'Maybe for you,' Josh sniggered.

'She's got a point,' Susan the swinging voter added.

'Well, I'm not sure how we can prove it,' Josh replied. 'I've neither given a man head, nor received it from a man, so I can't compare.'

'We all can!' Susan exclaimed, jumping up and knocking her empty glass over.

'What the hell are you talking about?' I asked.

'Wait here.' Again she darted up the stairs.