All Comments on 'Sweet Night'

Slow down and enjoy, forget about the "wham bam thank you ma'am. The essentials were there, but there wasn't enough filler.

nice build up to the big night

Slow down.... This is more of an outline than a story it seems. Take some time to develope the characters, make it so that the reader cares about what happens. You have potential, but you need to put more time. What were the characters doing when they went out? What were some of the conversations? Who are the characters? Give them names, personalities, feelings, background stories, etc. I am not trying to be harsh, I just think that if you slowed down and were more thorough you could be multiple times the erotic writer you are right now. Keep writing more :)