All Comments on 'Taken Ch. 02'

Really? Now she loves the man who kidnapped and raped her? She is so excited to see him when he gets home? I must be brand new, but I didn't know a month without dick and attention from a kidnapper/rapist does that to a woman...she is very weak. You disgrace all women with this one. I'm hoping it's just Stockholm Syndrome.

Before the backlash, yes I am a writer and have a Masters in English (emphasis on Creative Writing), and a working on a PHD in Philosophy. So, the onslaught of "Shut up hater" begins, I am just serving as an informed critic, something all writers must get used to. At least you took my advice about allowing her to feel some anger (even if it was just for a few sentences).

Heed this: you don't have to rush the story just to get it submitted. I'm sure your loyal readers would gladly wait an extra week if it resulted in the opportunity to read excellent writing. We lost a month's worth of character and story development. No need to sacrifice good writing at the expense of expediency (or sex).

Also, get a thesaurus. Constantly sing "fucking" as your adverb and sometimes adjective is redundant, and makes the characters seem kind of stupid yet weirdly alike. She may be a victim turned skank, but she's an educated victim turned skank. Let her vocabulary reflect it.

Again, you obviously have a great idea and the recipe for an excellent story. I recommend taking the time to develop it and give your characters some depth. Just because it's an erotic story doesn't mean it needs shotty writing. Keep writing, I'll keep reading.

Xoxo

A Critic w/a Cause

I meant "saying" not "sing." I hate when that happens.

Xoxo

SHUT UP CRITIC W/A CAUSE I THINK THIS STORY IS AWESOME

This feels rushed. The 34 day break could have been an excursion into the dynamics of what made her change her mind, rather than she suddenly falling head over heels for her captor.

The criticism wasn't snarky or rude IMHO, it was constructive - not destructive. It's obvious that both Critic & I are both fans of your work, but this submission felt like it was lacking the usual "umph" that you put into your work.

I realize that life is kinda crazy. Please take your time and develop your characters a bit more. It's still a good story with a superb beginning, but this update fell short a bit.

Thanks

This is one fucked up story, it is so ridiculous and it doesn't belong in Interracial Love, more like non consent, I was hoping she's be freed from the asshole, but seems like you're rushing through a lot of bull shit with a story that has no real point to it.

I like this story :-/ She could have left if she wanted to though, but she didnt.its still a great read.I feel like something bad is going to pop up that will test how "in love" she is with Shane. Good job!!

I read the first chapter of this story and now I am wondering what happen to the dialogue and storyline. Stop rushing this story and add substance to the ploy. You have the ablity to write excellent erotica. Also this story is similar to a story that I read on fictionpress, but you added your own spin.

OK I'm trying to give this story a chance. But I going to have agree with some of the other comments. This story does seem a bit rushed and totally unrealistic. It is alo hard to like either one of these characters. They are both beyond delusional and seem like they are in need mental help. What sane woman in her right mind just falls in love out of no where with some stanger who has kidnapped,rapped and imprissoned her. To have Sage romatisize Shane and what he's done and turn him into some white knight who has resucued her from her all so mundane booring life is kind of distrubing. To have her behaving like it's a completley normal experience for a rape victim to fall in love with her attacker and to totally brush off what he did to her like it was no big deal an insult to woman who have been sexually assualted. Shane who's character clearly has mental issues. Lets be real no sane man kidnaps and rapes a woman as a means of making her fall in love with him. Completely ignoring the fact that he's out of his mind and trying paint him out as some romatic hero and all around wonderful guy at this stage of the story is not working for me. It's not that I haven't read other stoires involving rape. But they didn't try to romatisize rape. The rappest realized what he did was wrong. He was remoresful, applogetic and made major changes in his life before made a romatic option for the female charcter. The female charcters never made their rappest into some prince charming who swept them off their feet. They saw them for what they really where and it took a very along time and alot of working through issues before they where able to forgive their attacker. It took even more time for them to allow their attcker in their life and evetually fall in love with them. That kind of story I could get behind and root for the the characters. But this stoy where you got both these charcaters living in some lovey dovey fanstany world where what is going on between these two chactaers is normal and not fucked up on so many levels is making hard for me to futher get into this story.

I am vastly becoming a fan of this story. Please continue. This story is hot as hell

Lols some twisted part of me is really loving this story. Write more please. And as far as seeming unrealistic to people , I mean it's a story and not every story needs to be realistic, that's the fun of living out fantasies through words .

I suggest you read Ethan by Kalamazoo to get a great idea how you can possibly turn a rape victim and rapist into a interracial LOVE story. Notice the emphasis on love because their is nothing loving about their delusions. If this was non-consent I would be more understanding but having it under interracial love is a bit insulting. Shane has shown nothing worth loving. All he's done is rape and fuck her sense she now loooves him.

I followed up on Anon's advice about "Ethan" by Kalamazoo and was very impressed. Kalamazooo took the time to mitigate the mental,emotional, and physical complexities of rape very well. Yes, this is a fictional story. However, the second you no longer care about developing it or not caring if your readers have the chance to connect with the story/characters is the second you should reevaluate how it's going. You should definitely read Ethan. Obviously your fans are not letting you get away with the weak writing this story has produced, and many are not happy with the lack of attention you are giving to the topic of rape. This doesn't mean you have to go the predictable strong woman route, but at least give the topic its due respect. It is a complicated topic, and your story should present a complicated relationship. This falling in love with your rapist/kidnapper after a VERY weak story development is a cop-out, and you have more potential than that.

This is your first attempt at this kind of story, so I understand it will not be perfect (hell, few seasoned writers can claim as much). However, you must take responsibility for producing writing that your fans and readers can respect (even if they don't like the content). What it comes down to is 1. Taking the time to produce a work with some meat to it, don't just sacrifice plot for the sake of time. 2. Research. This is your first non-consent story, so research other non-consent writers. As a writer, I must humble myself to read and learn from seasoned writers of the genres I attempt to enter. Writing is not a gift, it is a skill that we must develop and hone. So take advantage of the forum here to read other non-consent stories (like Ethan) for free! 3. Don't stop writing. Please understand that I am not here to bash or tear down your story. I would not dare to say you should not write it either. Instead, I offer my constructive advice that you, of course, are free to reject. The test of a writer is not her ability to ignore criticism, it is her ability to absorb the criticism and grow from it. Keep writing my dear, I'll keep reading.

xoxo

CWAC

I think I’ am starting to get this story little by little, it is more complex than I thought, I won’t assume where you are going with it so I will refrain from making any assumptions or inference. But the bright spot in the story to me is Malachi, I just see him as the hero (now whether he will end up being the wounded hero time will tell) but I always been firm since chapter one that BOTH Shane and Sage are delusional…they kind of remind me of the rock story of Sid Vicious and Nancy Spungen (or for the new generation think Amy Winehouse and Blake Fielder-Civil)of two crazy people that needed to be together though it was bad for them and it didn’t make sense to anyone else. It seems like Shane’s crazy was always out there and Sage’s crazy was always there but just well hidden by the mundane of her life and her little miss perfect act so maybe that is why she is not responding like a normal “victim” would in this situation because her “mask” is off sort to speak around Shane. Their so called love may not read as rational but I think it is safe to say these two are a bit irrational. Now how this will end, I don’t know…lol but I’ am riding with you on this story. Damn you Bizzy for getting me hooked :) Oh and the comparison with “Ethan” by Kalamazoo (which was an excellent story) isn’t needed as a how to guide here because clearly these two stories are VERY different and not being approach the same way. Sage is not the Katrina type here in any sense of the word.

I love the story....I want to see where this goes..................

The girl has obviously gone mad, but I think that delving into the 34 days that marked her trip to crazyville would've made this good chapter great.

To those that keep harping on 'Ethan' they should take note that it's already been plagiarized once, and although Kalamazoo is an astounding writer, her handling of the rape situation isn't a "how to" guide for every other writer. Wouldn't it be tiresome to read the same story or situation over and over?

Bizzy, you've got some great stories going, but chapter 1 of Taken was one of my favorites. Anxious to see what ch 3 has in store!

The Fuck happened during those 34 days that caused her to lose her ever loving mind?

Are you people for real? This is FICTION! Just like most stories on this site, most movies and books! For those who chose to take the "moral high road" - obviously you are not aware of the stories published in other categories like nonconsent/reluctance, incest, etc. If you were, and were really sincere in your morals and feminism, you'd be judging and criticising all the the other writers/stories. Actually if you were, you wouldn't be reading from or be members of such a site. You just don't like the story because it doesn't live up to your standards or expectations. Get over it! The author has every right to plot this story as she wishes and at the pace she wants, its her story. If you don't like it so much, if its too rushed for you, or too unrealistic (lol...this is fiction), or if it doesn't measure up to how other writers have tackled the rape/kidnap issue...stop reading and move on. People, this is supposed to be escapism, fiction (there are after all categories like sci-fi and non-human here. DO YOUR THANG BIZZY

Feels rushed, needs more flesh. Next chapter please

I loved the first one and all ur others stories. I guess Sage just changed personality and so did Shane too much for me. I'm going to continue to read the story because I think I get what ur trying say about this couple, kidnapping and rape but I was figuring he was going to win her over with mindblowing orgasms not isolation lol thats not sexy.

Because no one questioned her right to write the story. Nor did anyone tell her to do exactly what Kalamazoo did. Hell, I applauded her unique idea and story. Before you decide to attack the people who took the time to give their opinion and advice on the story (that she doesn't have to take), you may want to check your reading comprehension. No one here claimed to take the moral high road or staked some claim to feminism. Instead, we invoked our right to comment on THE STORY. Unlike you you who took the time out of your life to comment on the people who commented on the story. (What did you offer other than a "DO YOUR THANG BIZZY?") Defend her writing if you want, I don't take issue with that. Don't attack the people who have done nothing but comment on THE STORY. It's not personal. But for you to draw the ignorant conclusion that the people who have offered constructive criticism are just judgmental fake feminists with fake morals (that's dumb and irrelevant by the way) who don't think Bizzy has the right to write in the manner that she wants...is just stupid.

Next time you want to get all involved in some type of asinine 'an author has a right to write what they want' argument....don't. Because it's a stupid argument. Of they have the right to, doesn't mean everyone has to like it. Take your advice and get over it. If you don't like the criticism, don't read it and move on. Be happy in your silly little world where critics are just judgmental, where no one should ever criticize someone else's writing, and where critics are not sincere in their morals...see how ridiculous all that sounds lol? WARNING: Criticism of this story = not being sincere in morals lol. Because to be sincere means we wouldn't read this type of story. Where the hell did the convo about morals come from?!! Again, it's so ridiculous the only appropriate word is stupid. Girl...you need to do better.

DO YOUR THANG ZIA...or not.

The story needs flesh for sure -- many of us are wondering what in the world would make Sage turn the switch but that is the authors right. I for one am hoping that she is making a master plan to escape at some point and is doing this in order to get her chance. We will see. Regardless...to CWAC, your comments are well thought out and obviously reflective of your knowledge of writing (albeit a bit lengthy) so thank you for those. I honestly think they are on target. However, stooping to the level of negative criticism of those who criticize your comments is...unnecessary. Everyone has a right to say what they want, the beauty of art is that it is subjective. Let it be.

wow this story is geting so fucking hot makeing me hot also

I was just agitated, and took the wrong route. Thanks anon for calling me out. I'm passionate about all writers and critics alike, so I apologize to Zia for not respecting her opinion of my criticism.

LMAO @ the comment above, directed at me

I do think it needs some more background/substance type of stuff going on hahaha. I wish i could have experienced the moment where she finally came to the conclusion she'd be alright with being kept secluded. I think I'd feel more empathy for her then. But right now I think she's crazy as hell! Haha, hurry with the next chapter please.

Thank you all for taking the time to comment on this story. I am getting a lot of comments saying that his wasn't a very deep story and that it needed further detail... it's meant to be that way! ;)

For those of you who read my other stories: You know that I have the capacity to write details and whatnot if need be but that is not my aim.

This story was meant to simply skim the surface of everything and is going to be a REALLY short story.

This is the plan: I am going to submit the remainder of the chapters under this category but I will eventually move them to Non-Consent/Reluctance because I was battling with where to put the story before I even submitted it.

Again,

Thanks for reading and commenting,

-Bizzy

Great story and fascinating how her attitude towards Shane has changed. Look forward to reading more.

i can't wait for your update, after reading stories on here for almost 3 years, this is the first story i'm commenting on. i LOVE every aspect of it, only thing i wish was different, was i wish it had a non-human flare to it.

Very different story. I absolutely love it and hope you continue with your writing. I think "Stockholm Syndrome" is HOT! :)

Can't wait for more!

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