All Comments on 'Taken Ch. 02'

... in POV from "...have some fun." to "Troy was seriously..." was off-putting: I thought we were getting the assailant's name and he was calling a friend.

Maybe stick a "Meanwhile, " in front of "Troy was "?

Still, voted 5.

Once again, weak readers blame the writer! The writer provided a perfectly adequate transition, that YOU MISSED. As the paragraph ends the setting is at the house with the action being between the assailant and Lia. As we already know, Troy is NOT there; he has left for work. The next paragraph begins with Troy's name and proceeds with telling us about what is going on with him, Troy- who is at work and NOT at the house with Lia and the assailant. Since it begins with his name, the astute reader immediately understands that the narration has now switched to cover Troy. These are third grade reading skills. So don't blame the writer if YOU never learned to read.

Tiger: don't dumb down you story, allow your readers to learn from you.

"He sat up on his knees and watched as sobs wracked her body. "Hmm, no, perhaps you don't know anything." He held the knife up to his mouth and licked her blood off of it then lowered it to her neck. "I guess we'll have to find another way to have some fun."

Troy was seriously worried now. It was going on 10:00 a.m. and he'd received no response to his texts and she wasn't answering his calls. He picked up his phone and dialed his neighbor that lived a couple miles down the gravel road. John answered with gusto as always, "Hallo!"

Great story. I can see a few hints of the direction from where the darkness may come. Very subtle.

Keep posting!

Good chapter, wished it was longer! Looking forward to the next one. Thanks.

serves him one bite at a time . This is pretty good & I like " how " it's going but the minuscule duration is insufferable. I'll check back in 2 weeks if I remember .

Sorry for the confusion with the POV. There should have been a line break before the "Troy was seriously worried" sentence. I'm not a big fan of how the submission page works and am getting used to it.