All Comments on 'Terri's Tale'

Requests

1 If you don't like constuctive criticism then don't read this feedback on this poor story

2 If you don't like feedback about bad stories and still write them don't reply to tell me you don't like poor feedback.

3 Please do not assume that this feedback is biased on a truth.

4 Please don't assume that criticism is based on the person rather than their work.

5 Please it's time for no more

As one of all as asked to enjoy I was dissapointed that this story was a little too long by about 1412 words and without any linking to how why and where the characters arrived at this position. It could have been posted under several catagories as it was simply a sex scene without any wife context. To use words from the 4th last paragraph "No fuckin' good." If you are going to write a story that any boy over 14 waould read it must have more than a degrading sex session or be somewhat well written. Would suggest that it should have been placed in the humor category

In the LW category, the elephant in the room is the cheated-on partner, but you never ackowledged him.

It was not obvious why a young wife would place herself in such a postion she did not want to be in. Did her husband sell her? Is she now an abducted sex slave? Is this her drug dealer and is she playing for drugs she cant afford? To little information is as bad as to much information. One cant feel sorry for a girl who is dressed sucking a cock after having her tits nibbled on. And sucking a hated man's balls and ass? The only way this story might even make sense is a forced self abuse and humiliation act on her part as an act of revenge on her husband, as misguided as such acts are. It is never in the wife's favor to run out and fuck someone as revenge on her husband. You wasted to much space telling who to read your story and how to relate to it, and to little time actually writing a story! And yeah I dont like wife cheating stories, they are worthless, and I do like loving wives and swinging wives stories. This isnt any of the three just trash.

I like the basic premise of the story. But you need to expand it a little more. How did she get involved in this. Also, you need to be a little less descriptive. You keep calling him the "naked middle aged man". It gets a little old after awhile.

My advice to you is if you can't write any better than this I would suggest you take up music because you certainly are not going to make any money this way.

I think I understand why you chose to keep repeating "naked middle aged man," but I do think you over used it. I think you could have used "he" several times and still kept the mood you were working for.

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Frankly, I liked the unanswered questions. What sort of power did he have to force her to do things so repugnant to her. I do think I'd like to have had a bit more of her reactions to what she was doing. Licking a man you don't like would be mental torture and just the physical pain of having your mouth frozen in one place would be agony, not to mention where it was.

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For example what did she think when he said "suck it all out?" My thought on reading it was too gross to write. I suppose what I'm saying is that while I think this was a very interesting vignette, it would have been better if you'd let us see a bit more of her mental state. Further, I don't think it would distract from the mystery of why this whole thing is taking place... oh and one more thing, I would like to hear a bit about the state of her marriage. Just a simple line when you talk about her bed... was that especially painful for her, did it seem especially right? Either way, that was one question I think would have increased your mystery.

I agree with most of the others concerning the overuse of the middle aged man. We would like to know why in the world the young married woman is in this situation and we want to know what the consequences will be for her.

You have no talent in writing or whatsoever. Unimaginative and dull. Your monotonous droning was hard to swallow. This drivel is only good for putting one to sleep should someone suffer from insomnia. Works better than any sleeping pills prescribed. I did fall asleep somewhere between the 2nd or 3rd paragraph on my computer when I already had a good night sleep. Finally I re-awoke and tried to continue finish reading. But along the way I fell asleep again. Then I woke the 2nd time round and finally manage to finish it but it was tough as it was putting me to sleep again. Hey, you know what putting one to sleep IS constructive criticism if you don't know that.

So Far. So Good.

Was utterly surprised to find there was only the one page of this tale. The writing suggests it is the head chapter of a three or four chapter story, as it was purely descriptive of the actions of Terri and the " middle aged naked man".

Who is he, Where did he come from, Why is he there, and more to the point, Where is Terri's Husband?

Write on TQM, Write on. Or as some would say , Right on, TQM.

and, in my experience and for what it is worth, TQM is a TLA for Total Quality Management

Yours,

Kilroy.

I hope you'll continue the story and explain how Terri found herself in this situation!

Thanks, ohio

From the tone of the woman's thoughts this seems like a forced act. It has a very "being blackmailed" nonconsent feel rather than cheating.

Overall enjoyed the story, but agree with others it smacks of non-consent to at least some degree more than loving wives. A follow up as to how she got there, and what happens next would be welcome, though being left hanging does exercise one's imagination.

Is there any point to this story?; actually, it is hardly a story.

Sadly, this is a squib of a tale. The characters are not fleshed out, let alone developed, and there is no central imperative to the story.

the guy/woman who cranks out 2 "stories", every day, of slut wives who fuck every black brother they come across? I think that guy's the "best"; <p>

with him you don't need to worry about any attempt at emotions, plot, logic, or validity of any type... it's just blue eyed blonde Jane screaming bloody orgasm --- more like a stuck pig --- from beginning to end, within one to one and a half Lit. page, with the husband usually goes, "Wow, Jane, that's beautiful, honey? So, when you guys go out to that Black Zebra club again?" <p>

these amateurs are doing a disservide to that guy. where's he? Lit fans don't like him any more? I used to think he never cares! LOL

This "story" is a perfect example of what a "writer" should not ever post on line. It sucks. The "writer" has no imagination (the "story" is incredibly boring) and he apparently has no education beyond the 3rd grade (because that's the level he writes on). The rules of grammar and punctuation are concepts this "writer" hasn't yet explored. The story line is one that has been done a thousand times and this particular attempt is worse than any I've ever bothered to skim. The "writer" should find something else to do because he can't write.

comment - yet you only want to hear your so called constructive comments about construction not subject matter - yet you chose the subject matter that we can't comment upon.<P>

Does that about sum it ?<P>

As you know the inhibitor is the subject - it pollutes and besmirches your work as it is disgusting and degrading to each spouse as sick as they are or that you chose to make them.<P>

So what is there to say - except that in total this was a waste of your talent on a subject which disgusts all but the very few into Hershey skid marks or turds on the way by a 20 minute tongue job.<P>

Swallowing Piss could be less gross but that wasn't the softness or texture you sought was it. One wonders why you shat yourself this way?

Read the title. Too much repetition. To much of the "Middle Aged Man" bullcrap. Read more legitimate (not on here) stories to see how writing should be.

It was an intriguing snapshot of a story. We don't see the beginning and we don't see the end. we see a scene somewhere in the middle and a well written scene at that. Thank you

Why is she doing this?

We've got to know the background and then we've got to know what happens next!

More please.

No reaction. The story was absolutely nothing, a void with nothing in it.

This tale would be more appropriately filed in Fetish. Given the scenes as the author penned them, it doesn't matter that Terri is married because her husband doesn't know of her infidelity. In fact, their relationship isn't part of the story at all. Why this story was put into Loving Wives is a mystery.

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As a work of fiction, there's not much here. The characterizations are thin, and the prose is labored. How many times do I need to read "middle aged man" before I get it? Answer: precisely once. If there was a plot, I couldn't find it. Lacking this essential element of a story makes it difficult to award a high mark. Thank you for your effort.

having read some of the comments, it appears they did not read the same one I did. I thought it was very good and left me wanting more.

Good start, can't wait for next chapter. Could use more development of characters and what led up to the situation. Great description of sex scene.

Repetitive writing was one of the traits of this no-story, coupled with no plot as well as no fleshing out the characters. We do not know these characters. We do not know the story because there is none, just a gross depiction of oral sex.

The three main criticisms:

1) Wrong category - I've got to say, this is without a doubt the most fuckwitted criticism possible. (As if you'd feel so much more better about it if it had a different label.......)

2) The repetitive description of the man. Obviously done deliberately. Obviously done so that you'd notice it. Obviously done to be mildly irritating, which helps set the mood for the story, doesn't it? (Funny how that works....)

Anyone ever consider treating the description as if it were a name? Terri's name get's repeated and you don't object. This man is known to you by the description - but the description here is functioning for you as his name..... what a concept...

3) The characters aren't fleshed out. Ah yes. You need to know, don't you, that Terri went to school in X, and her parents regretted Y, and her husband cheats with Z....... . I fleshed out the characters to the extact extent I wanted. I wanted you to be aware of his pleasure at her expense. I wanted you to be aware that she wasn't doing this for sexual pleasure - and give you only the slightest hint as to what she was feeling. There is no requirement of a good story that the characters must all be so well defined.

Want to call it a sketch? Okey dokey with me. Turn you on? Okey dokey. Disgusted by her? Okey dokey?

But honestly, telling me it's the wrong category; telling me that I repeated a description (well, duh) is intensely stupid.

Could be the start of a good story but doesn't make sense without at least a reason as to why she's doing what she is doing!!

This short note is not much to get a story started

The whole fucking idea - for what it's worth (not claiming it's a great idea!) - is that the reason Terri is submitting to the guy is left unstated.

My bad for having to explain this.

The whole fucking idea - for what it's worth (not claiming it's a great idea!) - is that the reason Terri is submitting to the guy is left unstated.

My bad for having to explain this.

I fantasize about my wife finding herself in a similar position!

A woman of this mentality is really a very little girl.

How can you author's continuously pretend to be so clueless? You know that an UNFAITHFUL WIFE has nothing to do with a LOVNG WIFE, we know that you know that... everyone on this site knows this... yet you insist on posting in the wrong category, and then you ask people not to complain.

YOU'RE A FUCKING ASSWIPE! When you behave like a moron, when you intentionally do things just to piss people off, then we're going to complain and tell you that we think you're a fuckhead. PAIN IS NOT SEX TO 94% OF THE POPULATION. All the fuckheads that want to wack off to humilation, pain, and hurtful behavoir can still find your story in the other categories... it could easily be FETISH, or BDSM.... the only reason you fucking losers post here is so that you can PRETEND your fetish is normal.

Well loser, it ISN'T!

really enjoyed the strangeness factor of this experience for her. Like in good cinema, I don't need to know why "why"s of everything. it's erotica and turned me on -- the entire point of this jerk off site, right?

haters -- get over your feeble mindedness as soon as you're able. fantasy is fantasy.

Great story, confused how this all started? create a chapter or two more detailing how this all came about. otherwise excellent writer and stories from literotica so far

Some prefer incomplete to a failing grade, others realize incomplete reflects one not even trying !!!

Not enough sex to be a turn-on, and no discussion of motivation to create any sort of dramatic tension. The writing is definitely competent, the writer just needs to pick a direction and pursue it more thoroughly. Maybe a chapter 2?

No real story. Pretty bad overall.

read the freaking tags.

Personally, I wasn't sure that the guy wasn't her husband...

But apparently not.

But it also is apparent that it isn't easy dealing with other peoples' kinks.

A bit of a stark morality (immorality?) tale. While I wouldn't want to make a diet out of such - i.e. - I wouldn't really like it as a regular thing, I think it has standing. The lack of emotion on the part of the MC is appropriate, since she really isn't into it, now is she?

It does make me wonder how prevalent bad sex is in society.

Green-something

The story wasn't long enough to be that confusing, so you get credit for accomplishing it anyway.

From the second paragraph on, there were too many inconsistencies, such as "And yet there she was, a young naked hottie wearing only a pair of cut off shorts, on her knees, making oral love to his feet. And to top it off, she was a young, married, naked hottie."

How can she be wearing cut off shorts and be a naked hottie at the same time?

Difficult to buy into this without any explanation of why this beautiful young woman is sexually servicing a man that in normal circumstances she wouldn't touch with a shitty stick.

Unfaithful wives are usually disgusting but this is just nasty. Nothing erotic about this at all. Yuck!