Thank God for Irish Women Ch. 08

"I understand Emily. But I'm not them and you're not them."

"Sweetheart, I know that. If I could bottle the love and devotion I feel for you right now, I would. Then, I'd open that bottle down the road when I need it. We'll go through some rough times, Matt. All marriages do. My mom thought my dad Sean was her whole life when she ran away with him. She also thought it was forever. She was devoted to him and loved him unconditionally. But they ended up divorced."

"Do you know why?"

"Mom said he ran off with a girl in one of the bands. She had been one of Mom's best friends. She told me one time that men always crave the sex they don't have. In my dad's case, that was true."

"Were you testing me with all the references to Jodi's body?"

She was silent for a moment.

"Maybe subconsciously. Not on purpose."

"I think it was on purpose. We've been engaged for one day, and you're already testing me. That disappoints me."

She pushed herself from my lap and ran crying into the bathroom. I was stunned. Our first fight, it seemed, had just begun.

Even after 10 minutes, I could hear her whimpering and decided I needed to apologize although I didn't think I was at fault. (I'd learn to do that quite often in the future.) I knocked on the door and waited for 30 seconds or longer. She eventually said, "Come in." She was sitting on the closed toilet seat, looking down at the floor.

"Emily, I'm sorry I said that. I shouldn't have." She continued to look down.

"Sweetheart, please trust me, don't test me."

She sniffed a couple of times as she tried to control her tears. "Matt, I haven't been around people totally devoted to their marriage until now. I'm sorry. I was wrong to test you."

I sat on the bathroom floor in front of her and took her hands. She looked at me. Her eyes again showed anguish.

"Emily, I know we'll make hurtful comments and have disagreements in the coming years and that'll be fine. All successful marriages have those. Our love and commitment to each other will overcome the hurt. My parents fuss at each other and disagree quite often and yet their marriage is a model for me."

"Matt, as you're discovering, I carry painful baggage. I have scars inside. Despite my façade, and telling myself I'm being strong and overcoming adversity, there's terrible pain inside me. It surfaces too often. I have self-doubt and feel inferior to almost everyone. Except for that brief period between Mom remarrying and her death, we were dirt poor. I never had what my friends had. All I could do was smile and tell them how happy I was for them when they showed me all their new clothes and electronics. I've tried so hard to not feel inferior. But I still feel it. The cheerleading helped my self-confidence but that didn't last. Matt, I need your love and I need your patience and I need your wisdom. I'm not as strong inside as you think I am. I'm desperate inside. I know that next tragedy is around the corner, and I don't know how to prevent it. And that may come out in weird ways sometimes. Please love me despite that."

"I will, Emily. Let's go back to something we've already promised. We committed to be totally honest with each other, even when it hurts. Had I known about your dad running away with your mom's best friend, I would never have joked around with you about Jodi. Never! You're the best thing that has ever or could ever happen to me. I love you unconditionally and completely. You've had to deal with your pain alone, but not now, not ever again."

She let go of my hands and turned for toilet paper to wipe her nose and tears. Leaning over for my hands, she pulled me up from the floor.

"Thank you, Matt. God knew what I needed when He sent you to me. I have needed you my entire life, it seems."

"We need each other, Emily."

We kissed and prepared for bed and cuddled as we said a prayer of thanks for that day.

The End of Chapter 8