by PixelChick
I thought it was quite good but with a young girl you should have had a condom on especially as she was a virgin. That is bad form.
Pretty good story, and a nice writing style, until the end. That sucked.
I loved reading this, it's very erotic. I wouldn't mind seeing a second encounter, if you've got one.
So she gets a soda that becomes and ice tea that becomes a coke... hmm. You're a good writer but you could use an editor.
Very erotic, and without birth control. You shoud write more of this one with her getting pregnant, and of course staying on after you have fucked her.
The story was hot. A little short and you could probably have used an editor. In the one scene you went to the kitchen to get a soda, came back with an iced tea and drank a coke. That was the only bad thing I noticed.
Great story, made me wish I was 18 again and showing off for the very first time. Look forward to reading more of your stories in the future - Kay
Could have been better. He needed to make a baby with the babysitter.
Very hot story, i am a child care provider. That would be so hot for something like that to happen. Great story. Hope you right more.
This was an excellent story for your 1st one... I wish you had made it longer... Please keep writing...
A great first effort, hot and steamy. Hope you can find time to write some more along this kind of theme.
This is a very erotic read! Sure to arouse! Great job!